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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to babysit now?

64 replies

WalfordEast · 22/10/2015 20:20

A good friend of mine asked me to babysit her 14 year old daughter tomorrow night. I realise "babysit" probably isnt the right word to use for a 14 year old, but all I can come up with.

The plan was this- she was going to be dropped off at mine at 2pm, we were going to get our nails done and have a pamper afternoon/pizza tea and go to a local attraction that has like a haunted house with zombies etc. It is pretty intense stuff- I went last year, and it freaked me out. But the girls mother gave her permission to go so I said fair enough.

Friend has now called me to say her DD will be bringing a friend with her. I asked her if she could get this girls mother to call me to confirm that a) she was comfortable with her daughter staying with a complete stranger and b) that she was comfortable with her daughter coming to this attraction with us.

Friend then tells me the girls mother hasnt been told- as far she is concerned, her DD is staying at my friends house. Friend didnt see the need to tell her?!!

Ive told her im uncomfortable with this, and unless she tells her- I wont be looking after her and it will be her responsibility to deal with.

I feel shit- because a) my friend is a single mother and rarely gets the chance to go out and b) her daughter will be missing out on tomorrow night as there is no chance her MUm will take her, and under 18s have to be accompanied by an over 18.

AIBU?

OP posts:
thebestfurchinchilla · 23/10/2015 16:24

yanbu

If I was that other girl's Mum I would be grateful to you.

GwynethPaltrowIamNot · 23/10/2015 16:35

Cancel if the plans aren't what you agreed to , end of

ProudAS · 23/10/2015 17:13

They are 14 not 4! I would hope that they could look after themselves especially as there will be two of them so not like a teenager being home alone.

Might a compromise be to pick the girls up, take them to haunted house and home again (with other mum's knowledge of course)

Hygge · 23/10/2015 17:53

OP has already said that 'babysit' is probably the wrong word.

She's also said that to get into the haunted house attraction you have to be 18 or accompanied by someone who is over 18, which explains why the girls aren't at home alone and going by themselves.

All these people saying they were the baby-sitters themselves at fourteen, at least your parents knew where you were and what you were doing. This girl's parents have no idea where she will be, who she will be with, or what she will be doing.

The issue isn't whether or not the girls need a babysitter at their age, but that they need an adult to take them to the attraction they want to visit and that one of them will be lying to her parents, with the support of her friend and her friend's mum, to do so.

OP I wouldn't worry about your friend missing out on a night out, I suspect if you don't take the girls then she will leave them at home and go out anyway. They are the ones who will miss out on the attraction, but that's not your fault as it could be fixed with a simple phone call and your friend just isn't prepared to do it.

Again, I think you are doing the right thing as far as the other girl's parents are concerned. It's one thing to let their daughter sleep over at a friend's house if they know where she is, another completely to be lied to by that friend's mother about your child's whereabouts, in particular if it involves something they require adult supervision to attend.

ecuse · 23/10/2015 18:22

I'm not really clear why your friend doesn't just ask the girl's parents? Assuming you're okay with it?

AcrossthePond55 · 23/10/2015 18:44

ecuse my opinion is that OP's friend knows the mum would say no to the haunted house. OP's friend just doesn't want to give up her night out so is trying to avoid asking the mum. A case of 'easier to ask for forgiveness than permission' iyswim. OP's friend can always plead ignorance if they're caught out.

CoraPirbright · 23/10/2015 18:45

If it was okay'd with this girls parents, would you be ok with it, OP? Could the whole thing go ahead?

I don't understand why your friend can't/won't call them? Such a simple fix!

DameMargaretOfChalfont · 23/10/2015 22:20

So OP, what's happening?

Original poster
WalfordEast · 23/10/2015 23:07

Sorry all meant to update esrlier but got side tracked!

Went ahead with just friends DD in the end. Not sure what she said to the other girls Mum, but she called me this morning to say if it would just be DD would I be happy with that. It wasnt a case of me not being happy having the other girl, it would of been no bother, it was just the discomfort of having a minor in my care without her parents knowing where she was but friend cant see that as apparantly they are "old enough" Confused

Had a nice evening anyway. Grin

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 24/10/2015 00:30

Glad everything turned out well and you both had a good time.

Atenco · 24/10/2015 05:35

Oh you were definitely right, OP. The other girl would have had to lie to her mother and no adult should be involved in encouraging a minor to tell lies like that.

PingpongDingDong · 24/10/2015 06:19

You sound like a very kind, reasonable friend OP. It was rude of your friend to allow a 2nd person to come on the evening out in the first place IMHO. That put you in an awkward situation straightaway.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/10/2015 06:34

Glad you had a good night. Your friend is a cheeky cow.

thebestfurchinchilla · 24/10/2015 17:55

Well done Op. You were right.

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