Teenagers

[Weathergames]

I am not BU but WHY when you ask them to do something and they sigh and moan, you ask them to do it properly and they roll their eyes and treat you like an utter nag and rush it and don't do it properly then you get them to come back to do it properly and they behave as if you are treating them like slave labour

DD (16) has just said her and her brothers (13 & 18) do ALL the housework.

"ALL" is empty and load the dishwasher, fold clean washing and keep rooms tidy (this is rarely adhered to) occasionally (once a month) ask her to clean bathroom sink.

ARGH?! Am I alone?

We were exactly like this as teenagers. Drove my poor df mad. Lots of us so we all had different chores. No way on earth would we go past our assigned job. No dishwasher so one washed another dried.. My df could not understand how you could walk off after washing if drier had disappeared ( dodging of course). If my dm asked me to clean my room l would use every complaint and excuse under the sun

Yep, I used to huff and puff if asked to make a cup of tea, towels on the bathroom floor, being asked to do the washing up would result in a reaction like I'd been sentenced to 10 years in a Gulag. The few jobs I had were of course referred to by me as 'everything in this house!!'.

I feel so bad when I think back now!

JCDenton

You've perfectly described it, reacting like they have been sentenced to 10 years in a Gulag

tbf - pringles tube aside, mine aren't too bad at the moment - they never do anything without being asked though. DS2 still makes far too much use of the floordrobe and apple cores and orange peel still feature a lot in his interior design options.

He won't hoover as he has issues with the noise but gets another job to do instead. It's the poor quality of most of the things they do that annoys - I am not sure whether they are genuinely inept or just playing at it hoping they wont be asked again. DS1 tends to fall into passive resistance rather than bolshiness, he agrees to do anything asked then "forgets" or wasn't sure what I meant etc. :o

DD 13 (and a half) is just getting to this stage, although she can still tell when she's being unreasonable. She'll hang her school blazer up after being asked less than 5 times. Wet towels in her room go on top of her pillow. Rubbish and dirty laundry go under it (or under her duvet when under her pillow is stuffed). I think that helps her see her periods of unreasonableness to be fair

When does this phase end?

Ds is 12. Some days I think he changed places with satan. Other days, he is lovely.

Took him to a go-kart trial last month. Got up at 4:30. Drove to the place (big event). He and the toddler slept in the car.

When we got there, he was too tired to tie his laces. Too tired to brush his hair. Too tired to help build the kart. Too tired to pass my flask from his seat. Too tired to watch the toddler while I went for a wee.

But did suggest I would be able to do all these things, after a 3 hour drive. While looking after a cold, tired and bored toddler.

If anybody can remind me what colour his carpet is, I would appreciate it.

He is another no-laundry kid.

Ever night, after school, I ask them both for laundry. Toddler brings hers through to the kitchen (bungalow) and puts it in the basket. She is 2. With co-ordination delays. Ds never has any. He can spend 45 minutes in his tip and sometimes find one loney sock. "Is that all you have worn this week?" "I think so"

He apparently spent 1/2 an hour looking for PE kit today. I just found the socks, soaked, in the back of my car

My DS laughed at me the other day for being so tiny. I'm 5 foot flipping 6! Just because he's obviously destined to be a giant

Neither 13 yo DC willingly do anything. It's easier to get on with it all myself apart from the odd tantrum when I forget this and the beast is unleashed...

Thinking back to my own teen days...

There were a few of us (step siblings), so we had alternate nights for washing up.

Step mum was stupid/evil/think/hated us all/whatever.

We all had a sport for one or two nights each week. Same night each week, mostly different for each kid.

Red-gym on Mondays,
Orange -karate Tuesdays, paper round Thursdays
Yellow- he was only 4, so didn't really get as much as us teens
Green-football Wednesday and Friday
Blue-swim fri, karate tues

So the wash up rota was..
Red mon/wed/fri
Orange tues/thurs/sat
Yellow help clear table every day. And lay cutlery out.
Green with red
Blue with orange

NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SWAP

But if you don't eat at home on chores day, you don't need to wash up.
So that was most of us, on most days. Taking extra buttys in lunch boxes to last until after the activities.

I despair at DS1 who is still at home at 22, he changes his bed, puts all his laundry in the basket, brings down dirty pots and glasses, cups and plates, hoovers his room, tidies it ........ approx once every 3 - 4 weeks! then he lets it all pile up in a disgusting untidy festering smelly mess. AND the day he usually chooses to clean it is almost always the day I finally saw the bottom of the wash basket as he is another 'no laundry guy'

Dd puts everything in the wash, even the clean folded stuff I'm waiting for her to put away
I just re fold it and put it back

Normally I'd be in solidarity with another childfree person, but at what your hypothetical teenagers would be like! My mother was a total legend, I was still a complete wanker. I didn't lift a finger, was absolutely foul to her and fucked off half the time to meet gross boys. Make me do chores how? To most teenagers their parents are incredibly stupid, and they're in hormonal hell of wanting complete independence vs. a cuddle and a teddy bear, and thinking their latest boyfriend is The Love of Their Life and the mental anguish of school dramas.
I love teenagers, can't bear children of any other age but I love how awkward teenagers are and their cute big feet in brand new shoes when the rest of them hasn't caught up yet, trying to look super casual and nonplussed in an £80 hoodie. I wouldn't want to parent one for all the money in the world though!

I'm mostly enjoying mine too tbh.

It's the complete freshness of their views after dealing with cynical adults all day at work.

I made my 13yo DS cry by cutting his internet time down by an hour a day. He cried for 20mins. Then today he got grumpy at me because he forgot to do something, and then asked me to drive him the 5mins to the park as it was drizzling.

When I said he was lazy, he replied "but i've been playing rugby", I replied that I'd been in work for 8hrs, he then said "yes, but, you want to try playing rugby for two hours!"

Uhhuh. Hard life there, kiddo.

I find that ignoring his (fleeting) outbursts and picking my battles is the way forward.

diddl - yes I did clean a bathroom I don't use. I know this is a far from ideal situation, but I did a proper job. I may try to teach them to clean it, starting with the sink like OP. I will give the " tutorial " when it hardly needs cleaning and will be easier. There will be some eye-rolling I am sure. I agree with PPs that I am enjoying my teenagers, their viewpoints and sense of humour are great fun. I believe I was an utter bitch to my parents when I was 14/15, which makes me cringe now.

I was a grumpy cow most of my teenage years. I can remember having a stand up row in the house because my mum and my older sister (who I shared a room with) wanted me to tidy my half. My sister was about 20 odd at this point. I can remember saying I was happy to tidy it but I'd do it when it suited me, not at their behest.... :o

Ds2 can be a bit of a drama llama from time to time but he is also lovely and engaging and funny. DS1 is much quieter but he has a wicked line in sarcasm that makes me laugh.

Love my boys - messy shites that they are.

Ha ha yes Ledkr - 'cause you really need to wash those jeans that have been worn all of ONCE , don't you ?
I feel your pain and am re-folding with you ( the pile of freshly laundered is one step further even than what happens here, that has made me smile ! )

Because they are hormonal unreasonable self centred teenagers gradually evolving into proper people.
The best advice I have ever seen is to ignore the crap and attitude coming out of the mouth and just pay attention to which way the feet are going- ie that the job gets done, albeit unwillingly and with a huge sense of grievance.

Dd is 14, she is mainly in a huff because I exist.
She wants money, money, more money and a few quid.
She is hilarious though, clever, sharp, and just as sarcastic as I am.

Saying that she sometimes loses concentration when insulting me, and will never live down the time when she said, "You're just jealous because I like Coldplay"??

I'm a bit anal about the washing so when we get back from school on a Friday. I immediately get them to give me all their uniforms and gym kit - don't care if they have other stuff in their rooms util Saturday, but the uniform all needs done on Friday night/Saturday morning. Then they can iron their school shirts and DP does the rest over the weekend so we all start the week with a full set of school and work clothes.

My teens are entirely responsible for their own washing. I was a bit when dh decided that was the way of the future a couple of years back, but he was right it does remove a major source of tension.

Sometimes it results in dd asking to borrow a par of my knickers (!) as she tends to leave it until her whole room is full of dirty stuff. ds told me his room was not a festering pit the other day on the grounds that all the clothes strewn across the floor were apparently clean...

Dd doesn't ask to borrow my knickers, she just takes them all, I'd make her responsible for her own laundry, but that would mean her washing one item at a time.
I have a secret knicker/tights/deodorant/towel stash.

I might be tempted nooka but at the moment I have to take them to school on my way to work so I am not prepared to get into issues where there are no clean uniforms or gym kit. I don't really care whether they have their favourite t-shirt available or whatever but I retain control of the uniforms :)

I have a tweenager. 11 years old and in training to be a proper teen.

Her review this week at school was excellent. Motivation level of 4.3 out of 5 across 12 subject s including a rogue 3 in music. At home motivationlevels very between 1 & 1.5.

Her room is so vile the door is permanently closed to stop me seeing it. It took her 4 attempts to scrape her plate properly last night.

She was heartbroken last week when dp mentioned he might be working away for a few weeks as it means she has to help me with pits and stuff after tea. Apparently now she is in comp she can't commit to that 4 nights a week.

at all these teens. I'm loving this age too.

I don't remind mine to bring down washing, if it's not in the basket it doesn't get done.
One of mine has been known to wear the same uniform for 3 weeks running...

They will soon remember to do it when their friends start commenting on the smell

When mine were teenages (many years ago) i got fed up of them not keepIng bedrooms tidy. In the end, i gave them a week to clean them otherwise everything on the floor would go in the bin. Aftet a week, i went in with bin bags and carried out my threat. It may sound harsh, but it worked. I never had to tell them twice again.
They now have kids of their own and both like a tidy house.

I have one teen DD (the other is 7) and although she is often moody she does generally do her chores (load dishwasher, pack clothes away, feed pets and keep her own crap tidy or at least out of my eye line!) these are non negotiable as is remembering exactly who it is she is speaking to. We had a few run ins but she knows I will follow thru and if she doesn't carry out her chores I don't do mine, yes that includes paying her phone bill, the wifi and once she even had her lift to the school bus withdrawn!

We do have a cleaner once a week which also makes a massive difference ( we swapped take away night for the cleaner) but the girls also know she is here to clean and not tidy after them, she will scoop their stuff up and pile it on the bed so she can clean the floor but she will not pack it away.

With all that said, I am sure I will be back here complaining when the youngest hits the teenage years, she is much more feisty than her sister and I imagine there will be some heated debates.

In the meantime... there is wine :-)