I think I just need some people to tell me to put my big girl pants on and get on with stuff really.
It's going to sound a bit garbled and a bit pathetic really.
I have periods where I just don't have any enthusiasm for anything. Can't be bothered to cook nice meals, play in any meaningful way with my son, do anything really. I feel really snappy and tired and sad. Then I give myself a stern talking to and it lifts.
I'm going through a period like this now and I am just so sick of it. Feel like I'm letting everyone down. I let things get on top of me. I'm meant to be working on a degree and I haven't done anything for a week on it and I'm kicking myself.
My son is an absolute delight, a really lovely little boy, and I'm just failing him on these days. We still do stuff. Today we went to the library and out for lunch but the TV has been on a lot and I haven't been my usual self where I play games with him. I think this is why I hate myself so much. He deserves a mum that's great and playful everyday and I feel massively guilty.
Maybe it's a bit of mild depression but it's not a constant thing. I took St john's wort a while back and that did help. But I can't take it anymore as I'm about to start a job where all medication like that would effectively see me out of a job.
Ugh I don't know. I think I just wanted to wrote it all down too. I sound really self absorbed and silly.