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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit out of place and miffed

30 replies

cjt110 · 22/10/2015 14:41

I joined Slimming World the other night. I am a previous WW member but decided to give something else a go.

So a friend introduced me to the group leader who basically wafted a clipboard in my face, told me to sit in this kind of side room and complete the form and she would go through the plan "in a short while" I was left sat there like piffy on a rock for 15 mins with this other new member whilst the main group were getting weighed, getting drinks for themselves etc. She went through the plan briefly with us both and then said to come and join the main meeting. I went back to my friend who introduced me to the ladies she was sat with, one of which turned out to be a lecturer of mine from uni. She said how great it was to see me etc etc then with that kind of face "Why on earth are you even here, you dont need to lose any weight" I felt it was a bit of a.... not catty but that kind of comment.

So the meeting started and the whole HOUR after the 30 minute weigh in session was spent just going through who had lost what weight and how much they were going to lose the following week. When I had been at WW there would be a quick who's lost what then some kind of "class" about weight loss focused on how to avoid eating too many treats at christmas or whatever it may be. I then had to ask for my book and to be weighed at the end.

So - AIBU to have been feeling out of place? I know it's a different business etc but I felt quite abandoned at the start of the meeting and almost excluded. I then felt I got no form of benefit from the meeting other than who had lost what - no methods on how they had or any form of class.

Also AIBU to have felt a bit miffed at the comment made to me? I may appear to be "slim" but I have gained 19lbs since I had my son which when you are 5ft tall is a lot.

Please be kind!

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 22/10/2015 14:49

AIBU to have been feeling out of place?
I think so. You're new, there were forms.

I then felt I got no form of benefit from the meeting other than who had lost what - no methods on how they had or any form of class
So don't go back. It doesn't work for you.

AIBU to have felt a bit miffed at the comment made to me?
Why would it annoy you? I mean, I could see how one could work up an annoyance about it, but why would you bother? It's just conversation, she probably thought it was a compliment.

A question from me: What is "piffy on a rock"?

gamerchick · 22/10/2015 14:50

Find another group. Seriously it doesn't sound like you'll be happy there and it's important you feel comfortable.

The last SW group I went too was very cliquey but I persevered until one meeting I had a significant weight loss and couldn't wait for the group bit. Every one got enthusiastic feedback but I got a sneer by one person and uncomfortable silence.. the group leader moved on quickly... I ditched it pretty quick after that.

I do believe there is a group out there to suit everyone and now you've joined you can go to any one. I really would find another from what you've said. You need a supportive group, not snotty comments.

LittleRedSparke · 22/10/2015 14:55

i've been to 2 different groups, first group HORRIBLE cliquey and just nasty

2nd group - different town and time, and much nicer - they do the talk with each member so its less of a sales pitch its more of a what worked for you in the real world, and where are you struggling rather than the party line that must work for everyone

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/10/2015 14:55

Maid I felt out of place because it was very pally pally - not like a WWs meeting whre you might know someone and have a chitchat but this group was like the whole group knew one another - I spotted amongst the conversation that 5 or so of them all worked together.

She may have thought it was a compliment but if I was happy with my weight, why would I have signed up in the first place.

gamer what you describe as cliquey is very much what this one appeared to be. The class is at .30 and I know there is a bigger one at 530 so I might try that one.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 22/10/2015 14:58

7.30*

And piffy on a rock.... I dont know what the saying means as in exactly what it means but it's like being stood on a rock, on your own, in the middle of the sea or looking stupid or friendless according to Google.

OP posts:
Axekick · 22/10/2015 14:59

Tbh you sounds very unreasonable. Did not really want to go.

You were offended that the woman went through it the paperwork away from the main group (can you imagine I you had to listen to the new member chat every week), that someone who knows thought you didn't need to lose weight (can't even see how that is rude) and annoyed at fact that read out everyone's weight loss.

Sounds like you went in determine not to like it. Either give it a few weeks, find another SW class or go back to WW.

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/10/2015 15:06

Axekick I honestly went with my mind open and ready to start something new but ushering a new person away to a sideroom to sit and wait to me felt a bit... unwelcoming? I dont mean listen to a new member chat - god I'd want the ground to swallow me up if that was the case!

I just perhaps naively thought that a slimming group would try and teach you about weightloss methods rather than just go on for an hour about who has lost what.

As for the comment, I was a bit taken aback, albeit a compliment I'm sure, it was just a surprise in the manner in which it was said. Like I was sill for wanting to join a slimming group.

OP posts:
laffymeal · 22/10/2015 15:19

For the first time in my life I went to a local Slimming World meeting with a friend about 6 weeks ago. It was horrendous. I sat there listening to a woman considerably heavier than me telling me how fabulous and easy SW was and how we "couldn't fail" and that if we were ever hungry on the diet we were "doing something wrong". In the very next breath she said "it's hard and you'll find it very diffiuclt sometimes" eh?? Then she told us all our "free foods" i.e. eggs, apparently we could eat as many as we wanted, ditto bananas, er, no, if you eat 10 bananas that's 900 calories, same with eggs so how on earth could you lose weight?

Then she proceeded to sell us a load of tat, chocolate bars and ready meals, a DIARY and pen??

It felt like being trapped inside a League of Gentlemen sketch.

So OP YABU, totally YABU.

TheWernethWife · 22/10/2015 15:20

I went to SW last year, what I couldn't stand was the intensity of the women. They were always "gutted" if they hadn't lost or had put on a pound or two, it was such a shame as I liked some of the women there and the leader was so nice and supportive. Went for a couple of months and then gave up going.

laffymeal · 22/10/2015 15:20

...or even YANBU...damn no edit facility!!! Grin

Axekick · 22/10/2015 15:23

I was over twenty stone. When I saw people who were maybe a stone over weight I couldnt believe they would join a slimming club as I would kill to look like them. It's more about how she feels about herself, than you.

The ushering away is so she can sort all new members together and knows who they are. Rather than someone who goes to another club but going there for this week.

Of course they all know eachother. It's not unusual for groups of people to go together from work, family members etc. Of course they all know eachother they see eachother every week.

I would imagine if some weeks you will get more hints and tips. My mum used to go and some weeks she got more out of it than others.

Axekick · 22/10/2015 15:26

Sorry that should say 'my mum went to another SW club and got more out of it some weeks than others'

miaowroar · 22/10/2015 15:32

I started SW in August and the meeting was exactly as you described - a good hour for everyone to get weighed and then a meeting where she mentioned every single person and we had to clap for everyone. I haven't been able to bring myself to stay to another meeting since - I just get weighed and scurry out!

Jux · 22/10/2015 15:37

Cjt, stop over-thinking what that poor woman said! Honestly, that way madness lies Grin Just assume it was a compliment and forget it.

The group sounds like you are new to it, which you are. Give it a couple of weeks, or find another.

But - forget the woman!

Archer26 · 22/10/2015 15:41

I was a member of slimming world for a few years, lost a fair bit but then DS arrived Hmm.

Yes some of the classes are working round the group discussing that weeks weight loss however I reckon only about 1 in 4. The rest of the classes were often about easy meals, tips on how to deal with occasions, and the leader showing us new and slimming world friendly products in the supermarkets. Persevere with it

But yes I understand the cliquey bit. Some groups can be but they do warm up. I think after a few weeks people realise you're sticking with it and open up.

TheWernethWife · 22/10/2015 15:49

Miaowroar

The club I went to was just like that - clapping or commiserating. Got fed up with all the negativity so left and just do my own (have the books so I can check syns).

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/10/2015 15:51

I am seriously considering just weighing and going but my, I am so shocked at the format difference between SW and WW. WW seems so much more productive and professional!

OP posts:
emmaluvseeyore · 22/10/2015 15:58

That is exactly why I am an online member! I know I wouldn't be able to stand the meetings. I suggest you check it out :) I've lost 2st 8lbs since April without having to sit through any of those meetings.

Original poster
cjt110 · 22/10/2015 16:09

Can you change to online emma?

OP posts:
emmaluvseeyore · 22/10/2015 16:52

I'm not sure, sorry. It may say on the website.

britespark1 · 22/10/2015 21:17

I've lost over three stone with Slimming World and find the plan itself works brilliantly for me. However, I have always hated the group sessions, after the first week rarely stayed past weigh in. Now I'm at target I only attend the minimum required to keep my access to the online system.

CactusAnnie · 22/10/2015 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

miaowroar · 22/10/2015 21:52

Well they're not just socialising and moaning unless you stay to the meeting though.

Noodledoodledoo · 23/10/2015 07:11

Guess it's what suits you. I found my two different WW meetings run by very patronising rude women. One took an hour to do weigh in most weeks as had a long chat with her favourites even with a long queue of people. SW was much more friendlier and useful. I now go to an independent class used to be Rosemary Conley which is great weigh in then exercise. They all feel a bit cliquey to start with.

ladygracie · 23/10/2015 07:16

I think you can switch to online but maybe you should go back to WW as it worked for you & you prefer it. Is that an option?

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