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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be bored of the open season on "posh" accents?

123 replies

Asteria36 · 21/10/2015 17:32

I am unbelievably bored of people treating my "posh" accent as a totally acceptable object of ridicule. Is this just me, or do other people find that in groups with mixed accents they feel honed in on and ridiculed for the way they speak? I wouldn't dream of singling out and poking fun at someone for the way that they talk, but in the past when I have suggested that perhaps, like most people, I can't help the way I speak I have been met with hostility.
One particular acquaintance of ours has decided that it is perfectly acceptable to minimise comments I make in conversation by saying "rah rah rah" and accusing me being a snob - but in my opinion she is actually the one with the problem, not me. I don't care what you sound like, just don't behave like a cockwomble.

OP posts:

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 21/10/2015 18:22

Why not say 'Oh, do fuck off' and if she reacts 'Oh, darling, don't be so sensitive, us poshos say that all the time, don't take it so seriously' laugh heartily, then wander off.

MissMarpleCat · 21/10/2015 18:29

If someone is taking the piss out of you, call them on it. That's what us estuary folk do, tell them to fucking do one and give them the bird (middle finger to you posh folk)

Original poster

Asteria36 · 21/10/2015 18:30

My skin is beginning to crawl! How many times can we say "posh" in one thread. Vile word!

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/10/2015 18:31

If you don't want to 'bite back', perhaps try saying "I'm sorry, can you explain what you mean by that comment?" - put the ball back in her court. If she says she was only joking, you can say, "Oh - so how is your comment funny, then?" She may try to say that your accent is inherently funny - so you press her to explain why.

Shit like this is not funny, and she will flounder if she tries to justify what she said - and maybe that will embarrass her enough to get her to stop.

Or say, kindly, "You might want to stop mocking my accent - you wouldn't want people to think you are a bully or an inverted snob would you?"

paulapompom · 21/10/2015 18:31

Yes to what Great said, it's anything a bit different. I am a scouse, but don't have a strong accent. I lived in Essex for years and lost count of the times I got told to 'calm down calm down' complete with hand movements.

If it's as a joke I would laugh along op, if it's said in a nasty fashion then I would ask 'why are you obsessed with how I speak? ' loudly and publicly.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 21/10/2015 18:31

I don't think people should ridicule others for any reason, really. Makes them the cockwomble, in my book.

However I will confess I feel a bit tired of people moaning about being ribbed for speaking "poshly". Generally a genuinely "posh" speaking voice (and by that I mean wide vocab, correct sentence structure etc as well as inflection/accent) means you have had a priviledged upbringing/education and generally this brings far more advantages than disadvantages. It seems a touch ungrateful, for want of a better word, to moan about being privileged.

For all the people that mock my voice, there is no denying it has helped me in life, in terms of job prospects, getting support for my dc etc, so I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. Ironically though, part of my "accent" is due to me over pronouncing words due to a speech impediment. I live in very different circumstances from the ones I grew up in, champagne voice and beer lifestyle!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/10/2015 18:33

In RL I have only ever come across this when it is directed towards people with obviously "worked on" speech.

Unless of course those doing it are under 15

howtorebuild · 21/10/2015 18:36

I have known people do this, they try to put "posh" people down to help them not feel inadequate, so it's all about them not you.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 21/10/2015 18:38

And don't get me started on da yoof doing those fake voices. You're in Year 10 at a school in Surrey or wherever, you're not a drug dealing gangster from East London, for fucks sake. There was a great thread on here on that topic ages ago actually...

Original poster

Asteria36 · 21/10/2015 18:39

purplehair - I suppose that my background could be regarded as privileged, but scratch beneath the surface and I have had more than my fair share of shit and hardship. Yes, there have undoubtedly been opportunities offered due to my background, but a lifetime of emotional abuse and chronic illness has nothing to do with how I speak.

OP posts:

sugar21 · 21/10/2015 18:39

Why should a person's voice help their job prospects? Surely, qualifications and experience are the factors which count.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/10/2015 18:47

Sugar you can have oodles of on paper selling points but those first 20 seconds of first impression can hugely override those.

SparklyTinselTits · 21/10/2015 18:53

I grew up with polish as my first language...I've dropped my accent mostly, but one of DH's friends rips the piss out of the accent I have now because I say certain words with a typically "posh" accent! (I honed my English skills by watching David Attenborough documentaries, and Sir Trevor McD ). He says I sound like Hyacinth Bucket when I say things like "now" and "how"

sugar21 · 21/10/2015 19:14

Needs a sockamnesty Yes I realise that but a candidate for a job is always going to have an accent.
I went to a very good public school and that is always the first thing intervierwers ask me about.
I remember going for interview a few years back and the first thing the HR person said to me was 'sit down blondie'. I was stunned but I got the job. It was at an advertising agency.

Shockers · 21/10/2015 19:14

Next time she says, "Rah rah rah", just cut in with, Blah blah blah... this is becoming such a bore!

Gwenhwyfar · 21/10/2015 19:31

"Ds2 speaks nicely and is being bullied because of it."

I think you've shown your attitude there haven't you. Do ordinary people not talk nicely then?

Dapplegrey1 · 21/10/2015 19:42

Purple - so because someone appears to come from a privileged background they should lie down under sneers?
I don't think the op is moaning about privilege - though maybe you think she deserves to be sneered at.

Original poster

Asteria36 · 21/10/2015 19:52

Dapple - exactly! My mother is incredibly well spoken, however she didn't go to school so the "well educated" card doesn't count for anything! I just get really agitated by those who feel a "posh" accent immediate equates to the person being a horrible snob and that pointing this out is totally acceptable - in fact we should take the criticism as some sort of penance for our sins against humanity. I am sure if I were half as rude about her accent or background she would be totally outraged.

OP posts:

WishIWasWonderwoman · 21/10/2015 19:57

Wait, what was the thing about 'bored of' not being posh?

I'm foreign so I have no clue

Original poster

Asteria36 · 21/10/2015 20:01

The correct phrase would have been "bored with" rather than "bored of". Being dyslexic I tend to speak more correctly than I write! Overjoyed that someone kindly corrected me though

OP posts:

PurpleHairAndPearls · 21/10/2015 20:27

I'm not suggesting for one moment OP deserves to be sneered at.

If you read my post you will see I said having an extensive vocab/being "well spoken" is generally due to a privileged background and education and I stand by that. It usually is IME. I am therefore uncomfortable with such people, and I include myself there, comparing their treatment to people being (almost wholly negatively) discriminated for (for one example as quoted on the thread) being black. It isn't comparable,
IMO.

And the poster (sorry on phone so can't name check) who don't think voice/accent makes a difference in, for examples, job interviews must be quite naive. Of course it shouldn't make a difference but it does, unfortunately.

You may also note I said I don't think people should ridicule others for any reason. The whole thing pisses me off, especially as my DC has a hearing loss and unclear speech - they get treated by strangers as though they are extremely stupid I suppose I feel they are entitled to moan about judgements made about them, rather than me!

Damselindestress · 21/10/2015 20:40

Do adults really pick on each other about stuff like this?! I was teased as a child for having a 'posh' accent as my mum is from the South so I picked up her accent but grew up in the North. I was also well spoken because I was well read. I wouldn't say I had a particularly privileged or deprived upbringing, it was average. My family weren't well off and I didn't go to private school or anything, I was just a bookworm so had a wider vocabulary than some of my classmates. They did seem to have the attitude that I thought I was better than them and needed taking down a peg or two but that wasn't the case. I've not experienced ridicule about my accent as an adult. Your acquaintance is being rude and immature.

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 21/10/2015 20:47

When at uni surrounded by southerners I was mocked constantly for my northern accent. One comment at the start of a seminar included "How did you even get into university?"

Years later I was with a man from Cambridge for a year and got sick of being the butt of his jokes due to being from "up north" so that relationship ended.

maizieD · 21/10/2015 20:56

WishIWasWonderwoman

'Bored of' burst upon us in the 1970s when someone did a take off of 'Lord of the Rings' titled 'Bored of the Rings'. One thing that you can bet your life on is that the English will pick up any ungrammatical phrase and run with it.

'Bored by' is another logical alternative...

PurpleHairAndPearls · 21/10/2015 21:00

Damsel I used to work in a mainly male dominated industry and did get quite a few comments, for example people would repeat me in an exaggerated fashion "oh garrrrarrrrrge (garage) get you.. aren't you posh doYou have a butler?" Lots of Downton Abbey comments

But to be honest it didn't bother me in the same way comments like "does your husband know you've got his hard hat" and "watch your heels on that mud darling"

Some people are just knobs. They will always find something to be a knob about!

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