Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DS playing 'guns' at nursery?

50 replies

DelphiBlue · 19/10/2015 18:17

Willing to accept I may have a bad case of PFB so would like some perspective please.

DS is 3 and a half. He's been at his nursery for about 6 months and absolutely loves it there, so I've been very happy with it.
We don't have 'gun' games in our house. Since he started nursery he's inevitably become more interested in super heroes and the like, which I'm fine with. We don't really watch the programmes but he likes the characters and the toys etc.
His make pretend games are still fairly innocent, he favours train sets and Thomas still.
Today, as I was tidying up with him, he told me he likes to play guns and nursery. He told me when he's a man he will get a gun and shoot people Hmm. He said he knows how to make a gun with blocks and (lady who works at his nursery - his key worker) likes to play guns with him.
Now I know that a lot of the 'violent' games are probably inevitable at some stage, and I know he will pick some stuff up from friends but at nursery with his key worker? AIBU to really not be happy with this?
His description of his game was very detailed, and at 3 he really hasn't started lying or making up stories like that yet. His account of things is always very reliable.

Am I being PFB or would this piss you off as well?

OP posts:
Original poster
DelphiBlue · 19/10/2015 18:18

He likes to play guns at nursery sorry.

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 19/10/2015 18:24

I wasn't wild about playing guns but they will pick it up whatever you do

Peaceloveandpartyrings · 19/10/2015 18:25

I don't know whether you're being PFB or not but I don't want my DS playing with guns either. My father was very upset when we bought a plastic one with our pocket money as children and he removed it. We thought it most unfair that we weren't allowed to have it, but having grown up and learnt not only about the horrors of children getting hold of their parents' guns and accidentally shooting each other, but also the plight of child soldiers, I understand his position completely, and I can't see toy guns as fun and innocent either.

RealityCheque · 19/10/2015 18:25

Oh ffs.

Anyone seen my grip?

OhMrBadger · 19/10/2015 18:26

I think you are being a teeny bit PFB. I was much the same with DS1 and 'horrified' by the idea of gun games, but by the time DS2 was the same age I'd realised that it is a typical part of boys' roleplaying type games. It really, really doesn't mean that they will develop an unhealthy interest in firearms or grow up to commit gun crime.

A friend of mine had an interesting newspaper article stuck on her fridge all about the differences between girls and boys and it said that you can avoid toy guns at home all you like, but boys will very often use their fingers, sticks etc as guns.

Nothing to worry about IMHO.

Original poster
DelphiBlue · 19/10/2015 18:27

I may be extra sensitive about it as the area we live in does have quite a big gun problem. So I can't just look at it in a 'ah it's just make believe nothing like that would ever happen in real life' because it really is real life around here!

OP posts:
Silvercatowner · 19/10/2015 18:27

Read 'We don't play with guns here' by Penny Holland. Plenty of evidence to say that there is no correlation between gun play and violence in later life, and that gun play can, in many situations, be therapeutic. Pragmatically, you will not stop small children playing with guns. Take the guns away and they'll point sticks at each other and go 'bang bang'.

BrandNewAndImproved · 19/10/2015 18:27

I expect he has seen others building a gun sort of shape and has copied it. The key worker would of just played along but not led the game or suggested it.

Littlefish · 19/10/2015 18:27

I work in a nursery and we don't allow children to make guns from blocks/lego/sticks etc, and suggest alternative games if they are playing any kind of shooting/fighting game. I think it's completely inappropriate for his key worker to be playing gun games with him.

Original poster
DelphiBlue · 19/10/2015 18:28

I do accept that it will happen whatever I do. But it's the fact that his key worker is playing it with him at nursery that is bothering me. I think it's so inappropriate?

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 19/10/2015 18:28

I don't like them either OP but as others have said, they seem to be unavoidable.

TheTroubleWithAngels · 19/10/2015 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumbleymummy · 19/10/2015 18:29

I don't think it's unreasonable to mention to his key worker that you'd prefer if he didn't play gun games but they'll probably reappear when he gets to school unfortunately.

Pixi2 · 19/10/2015 18:29

I would say chill. One Dnephew wasn't allowed guns at all. No shooting games on his x box at all. This was strictly enforced until after his GCSE's. He grew up gun mad and went into the army so he could have a gun. Other dnephew was allowed to play guns - he's now training to be a mechanic on an apprenticeship and may go into the army as a mechanic to train on 4x4 vehicles and hopefully helicopters. He's still thinking it over.
Ds and dd have been allowed guns and swords since being babies. Take away the forbidden aspect and it's just another toy amongst hundreds.

BarbarianMum · 19/10/2015 18:38

Really doubt his keyworker is saying "Hey kid, let's play guns. Bang you're dead!" She may have just pretended to die when he shot her.

Ultimately OP, if you are not happy say so. But be clear what you're asking. If it is to stop ds playing guns are you happy fir them to stop him playing those sort of games with other children, or are you wanting them to be outlawed totally? Are you happy for your ds to be told "no, don't do that" but other children to be allowed gun play?

MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff · 19/10/2015 18:42

I thought my DS would never play with guns as I wasn't keen. I didn't even want my PFB to know the word 'gun' so we used to call them 'shooting things' ConfusedBlushGrin (ffs!)

Under his own initiative he created guns from sticks, stickle bricks, lego, twigs etc, anything he could get his hands on. I became powerless.

I now have 3 x DS's and a whole arsenal of weapons which any self respecting knight/cowboy/Jedi/soldier/alien would be proud of.

Kids are very extreme when expressing themselves at your DS's age ("When I am a man I will get a gun and shoot people") however I am sure he will become more discerning with age and maturity Smile but it can cause a sharp intake of breath on hearing such things from the mouth of babes!

I wouldn't be pissed off at your Nursery if I were you.

YAB a bit U but I understand where you are coming from.

ZanyMobster · 19/10/2015 18:44

I never encouraged gun play and when they were babies I always said I wouldn't allow it but both DSs seemed to just play guns. Neither are aggressive or violent boys at all.

We went on a nursery visit with 18 month old DS2 who at the time hadn't really shown interest in gun play, he was playing with duplo whilst I talked to the nursery worker, he had built something and she knelt down and said 'what have you built' he replied 'a gun' and pretended to shoot her, I was so Blush

Snossidge · 19/10/2015 18:45

You can't really ban gun play for your DS if the rest of the children are allowed.

Anyway, lots of EY practitioners see benefits to allowing and engaging with this kind of play. You might find this blog post interesting www.abcdoes.com/abc-does-a-blog/2014/04/superheroes-weapon-play-and-a-giveaway/

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 19/10/2015 18:45

DS has never had a gun, but since he turned 2, every bloody game in the house is all about guns, shooting, being bad guys.

It drives me nuts, especially as at nursery he loves playing with the girls and never plays any gun type games there.

He turns anything in to a gun so I know there's bugger all to be done about it.

Picturesofmatchstickmen · 19/10/2015 18:48

I really would be surprised if his key worker was playing gun games with him. More likely she was trying to turn it into something else to distract him without making a big thing of it, and he perceived it as her playing. my children have never had gun toys and will puck up the drills at the toy workbench and point them at each other going "piow piow" no idea where they got it from

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/10/2015 18:52

I'm a TA in Reception, a lot of boys play 'guns' with any implement going; hand , lego, twig or spoon Wink.

I have no issue with this Smile.

My own ds's are now 20, 18 and 16. They did exactly the same thing when younger and have [so far] turned out to be high achieving,happy , all inclusive members of society, not looking to commit acts of murder or terror.

Nataleejah · 19/10/2015 18:54

YABU

Penfold007 · 19/10/2015 18:57

My SIL was determined her DS would not play gun games and all 'guns' were banned as presents etc, we all accepted her decision. Then at his third birthday party he ran ran the garden with a bit of branch using at as gun - she stopped bothering after that. He's now a delightful young man.

redcaryellowcar · 19/10/2015 19:00

I don't think you are being pfb, I don't have guns in the house, my four years of ds calls them pow pows (I assume because that's the noise they make when they play guns at nursery) but I know for certain they aren't allowed guns in nursery, the 'pow pows' are just finger shapes. Nursery have gone as far as only having show and tell of things that are made in nursery as too many weapons were being brought in.
I find it incredibly sad that since ds was born I've actually lost count of the number of mass shootings that have happened, my only conclusion is that guns are not toys. (I'm not keen on playing pirates for similar reasons)

Senpai · 19/10/2015 19:26

My favorite game growing up was playing "war" pretending squirt guns were real ones and running around with the other kids shooting each other. Of the kids that played, got dramatic about their guts spilling out, and did a slow motion death scene worthy of an oscar:

  • 3 are teachers working with children
  • 1 works as a waiter
  • 1 is a SAHM
  • 2 are engineers
  • 1 works retail
  • 2 are artists
  • 0 are violent offenders or have gotten any more than a speeding ticket (if even that from a couple).

We all gathered into each other's houses playing violent video games during hot afternoons when running around was too much.

The point is, playing morbid and violent games didn't make any of us violent or maladjusted people. We all grew up with a pretty strong moral compass (ironically, the roughest and most "violent" one grew up to be the most unwavering in that regard).

I think letting him play with pretend guns is probably fine, and helping him make sense of the world around him just like any other pretend game does. If he's thinking in terms of good and bad, then he's developing a moral compass and figuring out what makes someone a good guy or bad guy. :)