Oh, he/she'll eat anything

[Enb76]

Bit of a rant cos I have had a shitty day. When asked what my child eats I say "everything except courgettes, cucumber and melon". I am quite specific. When I ask, I get, "oh, they eat everything". I do my shopping safe in the knowledge that they'll eat everything, or at least give stuff a go.

I don't cook 'kid' food, no nuggets for example, no fish fingers, no baked beans. Mostly this is because I am a single parent and eat when my child does so we eat food that I like. That said, when other peoples' children come over, I play it safe, no lamb shanks, no Thai-style salmon parcels, no curry but I thought I'd be safe today with prawn stir-fry to discover that actually, the child who eats everything, doesn't eat noodles, doesn't eat peppers, doesn't eat prawns, doesn't like onions.

I'd like to think that I would say 'she's not particularly adventurous yet, she'll be happy with...' if my child had a limited palate and someone specifically asked what they ate.

Am I being unreasonable to expect people to actually tell me their child's preferences if I ask?

I don't get why you didn't ask the child at the time though. A 7 year old could reliably tell you whether they like prawns or not.

YABU. Prawn stir fry is in no way a safe bet for a 7 year old. It's not something lots of people would cook at home so it wouldn't have crossed her mind. And there are so many adults who don't eat prawns either. Whenever I have adults over I ask if fish or seafood is ok.

YANBU. Prawn stir fry doesn't sound at all out of the ordinary. Now, if you had served chicken feet or snails, I would certainly forgive the parents for failing to mention that those were not the child's special favourites.

It does depend to a certain degree on what children are used to. If a family (like mine) never serve baked beans on toast, it wouldn't be too surprising for a child to respond unfavourably to such a meal, despite the fact that it is considered completely typical in the UK.

I do think that the idea of "kids' food" is a bit odd, though it is widespread in the UK, the US, Canada, probably elsewhere too. I wonder how it all got started.

Just ask what does your dc like for tea, give me three meals they enjoy - that way you get food to choose from and food they like. Better still ask the dc when you ask them for over to play, if you can.

I had my child eats everything but meat and loves fish. So I made fish for dinner and the dc didn't eat the fish just the chips, fortunately I put the dishes on the table so the vegetables and fish were kept for another meal

Prawn stir fry is an unusual choice for a play date. You should have done something more basic IMO.

It's interesting to see the different opinions on this.

For people saying I should have done something more basic - stir fry is my basic - it's really quick, simple to make, risotto is the other basic (should have done that but the only stuff I had in for risotto was porcini and chestnuts) and if I have more time then I'd have done a stew or something. Or sausages - they're always a winner. Next time it's toad in the hole and peas, is that beige enough?

I grew up on bobotie and asynpoeding but I wouldn't serve that to an unwary child.

You're from SA Enb? :)

I do stir fry for play dates, I agree they are quite basic, but I do vegetable or chicken, some kids don't like prawns. Prawns are not cheap so maybe parents don't expect them on a play date and don't think to warn you the child won't eat them.

I don't think it's necessary to go beige, but check with the parents. Just say we can either have chestnut risotto or prawn noodles, will your dc eat that? We tend to have the same kids on play dates, couple of them eat whatever, couple have a small range and one eats toast so I know what to expect now.

I grew up in SA bumbley but both parents British and I was born in UK. Left for SA at 9 months, came back when I was 9.

"As a child I wouldn't dare leave so much as a morsel on my plate if I was a guest"

Oh yes, I was that child too.

About three summers on the trot, dsis and I were sent to stay with a friend of my mum, and before the first time, she asked mum if there was anything we wouldn't eat - and mum told her we both hated liver. During that first visit, she made liver pate sandwiches, and being the polite children we were, we forced them down, and she decided my mum must have been wrong, and carried on giving us liver pate.

The last time we went, she went a step further and made liver casserole - it was awful - just tasting it made me feel ill. Dsis refused to eat it, and got away with it, but I didn't dare, and forced down all I had been given, holding my breath with each mouthful. I must have done a really good job of disguising how sick I was feeling, because I was offered seconds. Bleurgh.

Thankfully that was the last year we went - not because we went home and told mum about the liver casserole and she decided not to send us again - I certainly didn't dare tell her what her friend had done.

Or you can just say I'm doing sausages, would she be happy with mash or toad in the hole?
We were having noodles, is she ok with prawns? I can leave them out for her.

I know that toad in the hole is technically beige but it is bulk standard comfort family food eaten by many generations.

I'd never believe a parent if they said their child eats "everything", I'd always check specifically what I was planning to feed them.

DS1 was recently told he wouldn't be allowed back if he didn't eat all his food. By his grandfather. DS1 is 3 & was in the middle of an ASD manic-meltdown after several days of being presented with potatoes which MIL has been told he won't eat because of the texture & various unfamiliar foods & expected to conform to a different routine in a different house while seeing lots of different people. I've told DH that he'll be having words with FIL if he ever speaks to DS1 like that again or attempts to interfere when we're dealing with him. If DH doesn't then I will & it's entirely possible that I'll lose it with him & cause irreparable damage to our familial relationships.

I once spent a good 10 minutes picking individual pieces of onion from the pasta sauce of a child who "eats everything", because when she rejected it I was worried she would starve to death in the three hours she spent at our house. In retrospect, I may have overreacted.

I'd always roughly check the menu before having people over, or at least ask something like "do they like shellfish"?

I'd be one of those parents who would say my child eats anything, because they are generally unpicky. However we don't eat shellfish in our house, or mushrooms (just because we don't like them) so I don't know whether DC eats them or not. So it could have been an issue.

Agree with PP that certain foods - shellfish, mushrooms, very spicy food etc - is something you should probably check about, as they are common foods that people a) don't like much and so b) don't eat at all, so don't really know if their DC like it or not.

My rule of thumb for playdates is not to cook something that you'd be unduly upset to throw away. So definitely not king prawns!

I think there's a lot of room for interpretation when it comes to different meals. You can say that your DC likes spaghetti bolognese, because they eat yours - but if someone else makes it differently, uses different spices, puts mushrooms in the sauce when you use peppers, uses chopped tomatoes when you use passata - it can taste totally different even though it's the same dish.

I think lots of people would say their DC eat "anything" but really mean any of the usual dishes common to wherever you are living. Like others have said prawns are not a standard item that you can just assume everyone has had or likes.

I'm fortunate to have very unfussy children who eat a wide range of foods but I'm also well aware that my nieces, nephews, friends children "standard" meals differ a lot from ours as we don't eat meat. Know your audience!

I think there's a huge difference between a genuinely fussy child and one who doesn't want prawn stir fry. I don't think you could claim to be playing it safe by serving that. I know as many people who dislike prawns as those who enjoy them.

Mackerel I agree about the interpretations! DD has recently come round to spag bol and lasagne, which is brilliant, but ... I would hesitate to tell anyone she generally liked those dishes. My parents are taking her and a friend away over half term and they're so used to this that I get an email saying 'we're thinking of doing spag bol - how do you make it?' That's me, specifically, not generally how does one make spag bol. DD also likes chicken korma (Hairy Bikers recipe, made by me), tuna pasta bake (cheese sauce, sweet corn, made by me), cottage pie (made by ... you get the picture).

She's 11 now so I don't expect to get asked anymore what she eats. Which is good, because although she's way better than she was, the only fail safe options are fish fingers, chips and beans, or margerita pizza. She tries though - she got served prawn quiche by her friend's older sister, which she ate minus the prawns despite not liking quiche itself.

As a host I tend to assume that anything DD will eat, other kids will eat. Needless to say, that's not always the case, although I did at least manage not to serve chips to the one who doesn't eat chips.

I serve 'make your own pizza'
or pasta with a tomato based sauce
or sausages and mash
or rice and chicken

I agree that many kids will eat foods the way they are made at home, but not at others houses. I, for example, don't peel potatoes for mash. I scrub them and mash them very fine with lots of butter. It keeps the vitamins/goodness of the skin in the mix. I have done it for 10 years.
Ds' best friend doesn't like my mash as it is 'not like his mums'
so he gets pizza
Ditto, ds likes my spag bol but not his friends mums.

I wouldn't offer seafood to a guest without checking though.

DontCallMeBaby In defence of your DD, prawn quiche sounds fucking rank.

I love prawns and I love quiche but they should not go together!

DD is a fussy eater. I warn people in advance and ask them not to cook stuff especially. Foods she will always eat are spaghetti bolognese cooked by me, baked potatoes with cheese, roast chicken and salade nicoise. Everything else varies. Her natural way of eating is clearly a sort if hunter gatherer pattern with lots of berries and fruit and a huge hunk of roast meat every few days.

I used to love cooking. i offered a varied and interesting diet from the day she started solids, and had no time for special "children's foods". And then one day she stopped eating most food, and still hasn't started again. I think she ends up with plain yogurt for dinner for 3 days a week on average.

I was a fussy child according to my best friends mum because despite being told I dont eat eggs, mushrooms, tinned tuna or offal she felt the need to serve me: ham, eggs and chips, stroganoff, tuna pasta bake and liver and onions. I think she did it on purpose!
I still don't eat these things 20 years later, I've tried over the years but I still hate them.
Otherwise I was always easy to please with food.

However, YABU in expecting a young child to like something they have probably never eaten and maybe never even seen.

I love prawns in a salad but hate them hot. DH loves cooked peppers but doesn't particularly like them raw. Everyone has different tastes.

When my DD is old enough for play dates I'll be offering plain options to the parents before wasting my time cooking.

When my kids have friends round for tea I never ask the parents what the children likes & doesn't like. I just try to keep it simple and to make sure that the visiting child will be happy with what we're having. I usually have 2 things in mind and let the visiting child choose...just in case they really dislike one of the options. And if they didn't like either option I would find something simple they did like (which I had in the house!) and make it for all of us.

I also try to serve some type of bread with every meal as most kids eat bread so even if my chicken curry wasn't the same what they were used to and they didn't like the rice they could fill up on plain naan. Seems to have worked so far.

The only child I had an issue with finding something to eat was the one whose parents did not tell me she was severely lactose, gluten & egg intolerant!

That type of thing should surely be communicated before the child arrives for dinner.