Moving house, are my expectations unfair?

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

We're moving house in 2.5 weeks and have a 4 year old. We exchange on Monday. We had already committed to spend next weekend 300miles away with DPs family. We both work full time with the rest of our annual leave being taken the week after we move as the new house is older/bigger needs work etc. So the only time we have left to properly pack/clean/get organised is the weekend before we move and some evenings (some are taken up with birthdays and overnight work trips). I've organised for 4yo to be with her dad that Sunday so we had the day to throw things out etc without her under our feet. This morning it transpires that DP is playing golf that day, one of his friends GFs has organised it as a surprise and admittedly I think we'd both forgotten. AIBU to think something has to give? We can't do his family trip (he hasn't visited since May) and the golf thing... He thinks I'm being ridiculous... I'm feeling very stressed and emotional about the move as it is.

I'd have cancelled the golf.

Suggest you have packers or he forgoes the golf?

I'd just pay for packers if you can, way less stressful.

No, something has to give and golf takes all day. Either the golf goes, or the family visit goes.

And have packers too!

Throw it back at him and make him come up with a plan as to bow it will all get done, making it clear that you won't be doing all the work whilst he pays golf. It is hard if hes already ccommitted to it and may be potentially messing up a prepaid event for others. Could the weekend trip be cancelled?

It's mostly stuff that we need to sort through and hopefully bin. Paperwork, clothes etc. We're having movers to do the actual move but he won't get people in to pack and given the stamp duty (Scotland!) were scraping every last penny to buy this place. He's now passive aggressively packing.

He doesn't think there's a problem, thinks there's plenty time in the evenings. Completely ignoring the fact that I'm in a new job and absolutely shattered when I get in and he's never moved with a child before.

Would I be unreasonable to announce that I'm going out on the Saturday just to see the reaction?

Ywbu to announce you are going out. Because that's game playing.

You both knew about the golf so you I wouldn't drop that. I would suggest he goes to his parents alone and cuts it shorter than expected. You can pack sort some stuff while he is away and the. When he gets back.

Or both go and cut it shorter.

Cut the trip to DPs family short. You don't have to do a whole week and I am sure they will be V understanding with your house move so imminent.

DDs dad needs to help you arrange childcare if he cannot/will not cancel the trip. Does your EX have parents who can take her overnight?

Rope in friends you trust if you can to help with the packing. Offer free beers/babysitting when you are settled or whatever it takes to get the packing done.

I've moved an awful lot in my life and packing can take a good 2-3 weeks if you are having a thorough sort out too.

Do you have all your packing boxes, tape, coloured bin bags (eg black for rubbish, green for stuff like bedding, soft toys)? its stops stuff being chucked by accident

Moving is hell on toast. Having packers saved our sanity. It was expensive but it was an investment in terms of us not losing our marbles completely.

Of course YWBU to saying you're going out. How is that going to add to an already stressful situation?

Agree with axekick. I dont think he can drop his parents visit, or the golf. Cut the visit shorter or he goes alone.

Moving house is a stressful experience, and there never seems enough time.

I would pay for packers to do the job, which would leave you both with much more time and less stress. They are worth their weight in gold IMO.

The trip to his family is thurs night to Sunday night, it's 5 hours + in the car so always so it at night because DD sleeps. DDs dad works weekends so he only has her midweek nights unless 2 months notice to get off the rota. His mother and I do not get on at all so no help there. We did know about the golf but would never have agreed to it if we'd known about the move date. There's 3 of them going and friend doesn't know so the other 2 would still go.

I know me going out on Saturday would be game playing and petty but that's exactly how I feel right now.

Yep in that situation i'd pay for packers. We are moving in the next month or so with a 9 month old and we are getting packers as we are realistic that we would not be able to do it ourselves without an unreasonable amount of upheaval and stress.

He's now passive aggressively packing

Well that's something then

It sounds as if he is expecting you to do all the donkey work and he can just sling some underpants in a carrier bag the night before.

I'd be telling him to bin the golf, how can he afford it anyway?

But I'd also have packers
And I'd not go to the in laws, either cancel or he can go on his own for just one night.

We honestly can't afford them. We're putting stuff on credit cards now. Stamp duty is bonkers up here and it's our first house so deposit etc too

I would want to nip this in the bud early on or you will have problems down the line.

He does not feel the same way you do about organising or feel the same stress. He unreasonably thinks you are being unreasonable but he is the unreasonable one. This could blossom into something far worse - something you do not need.

jesus. we've just moved house and despite having loads of our stuff in storage at my PIL's place, it still took us the best part of a week (off work) to get everything sorted. and we only moved from a 2 bed flat, it wasn't a 5 bed detached or anything like that! plus although i expect the old owners of our new place "thought" they had left it clean, it was full of years worth of ingrained dirt. it took us a full day of hardcore cleaning before we could unpack.

your DH is living in la la land if he thinks you can just get everything done "in the evenings". has he ever moved house before??

Cancel the golf and the trip. Concentrate on moving house. That is the priority. The others can be rescheduled.

If there's no pressing reason why the family visit has to be that weekend, I'd reschedule it - surely they'd understand?

And I'd be out on the Saturday - sounds like you need some down time too.

start packing now, just get off the internet and get on with it.
My brother and I packed up my parents' 3-bed house in one weekend.
Just stop faffing and both of you just get on with it.

I think it would be U to say that he has to cancel the golf. It's a friend and he's committed to it. Just pack on Saturday yourself and let him get on with doing it in the evenings (you don't have to do it in the evenings). Then see how far you get with the packing. Hopefully you can still make the family trip, but if you can't, reschedule it.

Forget the sorting pack it and sort the other end - sometimes you have to prioritise the niceties like sorting. For what you can sort in a day the cost to pack and move is negligible compared to the impact on stress levels and relationships

You want stress try having a 31 week preemie baby the day of the housemove - whoops oh and being nearly 100 miles from home as no local beds