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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to treat my child

65 replies

mommy2ash · 17/10/2015 21:48

My dd who is eight has wanted a new game for her Nintendo day since she heard it came out. I usually make a mental note of these things for Christmas as she had so much I don't usually buy things during the year.

I am a single parent and have recently had to up my hours at work to full time to make ends meet and I so admit have some guilt regarding that as my dd clearly misses having me around.

Today I decided to bit the game as she looking up YouTube videos and getting really excited. I though why should I be working all of these hours if I don't use some of this money to treat my girl.

My sister sent me a long rant this evening after my dd told her about the game. She said she was really disappointed in me for giving into pressure and she never thought I would be one of those parents and he had lost respect for me as a person.

If I am being unreasonable I am willing to hear it but surely I can spend my money any way I like. My dd never begs for anything and is very well behaved. I am pretty strict and she was over the moon to get a surprise as I said it isn't something I usually do.

OP posts:

Axekick · 18/10/2015 07:13

Your sister is entitled to her opinion

I don't get this thinking. I don't agree that people are entitled to have and especially share an opinion on shit like this. It's no ones business.

If the OP treats her child every week, it's her choice. She is asking to borrow money for bills from anyone. It's doesn't impact anyone else.

Dd has an inset day next Friday I am taking her and her best friend out, just because. If anyone told me I have to justify treating them, I would tell them to kiss my arse. One of them isn't my child and I will pay for her too.

Original poster

mommy2ash · 18/10/2015 11:04

My mum rang me this morning to say I've really upset my sister and should ring her to apologise. I told her I most definitely won't my money my child my business

I asked why she is so upset and it's because a while back she told me not to buy the game. My dd saw it in a ship jumped up and down looked at me and said please I explained stuff like that gets saved for Christmas and she put it back. My sister said don't you dare buy that and I laughed it off and said I wasn't going to but that isn't a legally binding contract

I have also asked if my sister has bought it for Christmas she hasn't. I'm not going to fees the crazy it seems to be spreading around here

OP posts:

catfordbetty · 18/10/2015 11:13

Some very selective quoting there Axekick.

Here's what I actually said:
"Your sister is entitled to her opinion I suppose but to say that she had lost respect for you as a person is pretty extreme."

Axekick · 18/10/2015 11:13

So she is mad because you changed your mind?

Honestly my dbro is the golden child in our family and mum runs round after him and sil and often does silly things to make them happy. She really panders to them.

If my dbro had called mum moaning about this (he has moaned about things I have done before that don't effect him in the slightest) she would tell him to take his head out of his arse and that its non of his or sold business and passed him a grip.

Dbro would not moan to me either. He knows I would tell him straight.

Op you are doing the right thing 'don't feed the crazy'

Axekick · 18/10/2015 11:15

cat that wasn't my intention. I don't agree with the bit that says 'she is entitled to her opinion' . I don't think she is. There seems to be a train of thought that says people are entitled to have and share opinions and I don't agree.

Apologies though if you feel misquotedz

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 18/10/2015 11:23

I would be tempted to put up a picture of a pony/new xbox/some other ridiculously expensive item on facebook saying you've treated your dd and tag your sister in it then stand back and watch the fireworks

mumeeee · 18/10/2015 13:39

OP you don't need to apologise to your sister you haven't done anything wrong.
You are allowed to buy your daughter a treat if you want to.
I once bought a Furbie for my DDs to share. It was a couple of months before Christmas and they hadn't asked for one although I knew they really wanted one.
They had just come out and difficult to get hold of. So when I saw a toy shop in town had some in. I bought them one. No one told me off for getting it and my DDs loved playing with it.
Anyway I think your sister owes you an apology she has no right to send you a text ranting at you for buying the game for your DD.

HeartShapedBox · 18/10/2015 14:15

Ah well, OP, that's different, your Dsis told you not to buy it, you've outright defied her!

Snatch it back off your DD and return it at once for a refund- then prostrate yourself at Dsis's feet and beg forgiveness for your insubordination...

Or tell her to fuck off, whatever's easiest

RB68 · 18/10/2015 14:42

Why is she so invested in how you manage your child? Your child, your decision and NOTHING to do with her. She is entitled to an opinion but she is not entitled to full control of how you manage your family life. Its time to say Butt out of how I live my life.

I have had similar issues with two sisters who both teach/have taught and have "views" about children without having any of their own and have fallen out with both of them at different points. One is a complete control freak and believes children need more discipline - she has had my very good child in utter despair over minor things to the point I wouldn't let her stay longer than an hour or so with her till DD was old enough to keep things in perspective and understand her behaviour. They both feel a sense of ownership over nephews and nieces which niggles a bit with me still even now, but I allow my DD to process the info herself and come to her own conclusions and we chat about it - I suppose I am teaching her to people read

GingerIvy · 18/10/2015 15:58

Practice this and use it with both your mother and your sister:

"Thank you for your input, but I didn't ask for your opinion. Please keep it to yourself."

If that doesn't work, the standard fallback is "Mind your own business."

foxessocks · 18/10/2015 16:03

I always think a surprise gift is even nicer than gifts on birthdays or Christmas. It's just that "I saw this and thought of you" thing that's just really lovely.

RaspberryOverload · 18/10/2015 16:08

My mum rang me this morning to say I've really upset my sister and should ring her to apologise. I told her I most definitely won't my money my child my business

Good for you! Definitely don't apologise to your sister, it's absolutely none of her business! If anyone needs to apologise, it's her.

Summeblaze · 18/10/2015 18:13

I don't buy my DC gifts very often as I rarely actually go in a shop and I don't like them to be spoilt.

However my DS1 who is 7 and has learning difficulties has been really excited about a toy and has been talking about putting it on his Christmas list for the last 3 months.

This week we had his parents evening and because of his amazing progress and behaviour over the past couple of months at school and the fact he has been trying so hard, we bought him the toy. He was over the moon and it was well deserved. Spend your money how you like. As long as your child isn't an entitled brat, I can't see the harm. Tell your sister to fuck off.

experiencedhider · 18/10/2015 18:32

YANBU. I will always remember the time my mum unexpectedly bought me a doll I had been longing for, and left it on my bed for me to find. Your daughter will be overjoyed OP that's all that matters here.

CrapBag · 18/10/2015 20:19

What?! So a while ago your sister dictated to you that you were not allowed to buy your child the game and now that you have gone against her, she is upset! Wtf.

What is your mums take on this? Given how she has passed the message along, it sounds like she is on your sisters side otherwise she would have told her to wind her neck in.

Do you think she was planning on buying it for Christmas even if she hasn't yet?

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