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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to treat my child

65 replies

mommy2ash · 17/10/2015 21:48

My dd who is eight has wanted a new game for her Nintendo day since she heard it came out. I usually make a mental note of these things for Christmas as she had so much I don't usually buy things during the year.

I am a single parent and have recently had to up my hours at work to full time to make ends meet and I so admit have some guilt regarding that as my dd clearly misses having me around.

Today I decided to bit the game as she looking up YouTube videos and getting really excited. I though why should I be working all of these hours if I don't use some of this money to treat my girl.

My sister sent me a long rant this evening after my dd told her about the game. She said she was really disappointed in me for giving into pressure and she never thought I would be one of those parents and he had lost respect for me as a person.

If I am being unreasonable I am willing to hear it but surely I can spend my money any way I like. My dd never begs for anything and is very well behaved. I am pretty strict and she was over the moon to get a surprise as I said it isn't something I usually do.

OP posts:
NotAnotherMonday · 17/10/2015 22:20

You sound lovely Flowers

I love buying things for my DD, shes only 3.5mnths atm so smiles at everything but hey it brings me a bit of pleasure. If the bills are paid and youve got enough food in for the week what harm can the occasional treat do?

Inertia · 17/10/2015 22:22

What's it got to do with your sister?

BoffinMum · 17/10/2015 22:27

As long as you are not treating her every five minutes, it's quite nice to do this occasionally.

Lurkedforever1 · 17/10/2015 22:31

Yabu not to have told your sister to fuck off with her miserly Scrooge opinion.
Yanbu to have bought the game. My dd is 11, and like you I'm on my own and work full time. And I've always bought her treats. It's very very rare she'll ask for anything, even when she was little. Sometimes I don't buy her anything for ages, other times its once a week. And rarely expensive. Eg last week I found her a 25p book she'd been after in a charity shop. And £1 worth of hair stuff she didn't strictly need. Other times she's had far more costly stuff as suprise presents. Way I see it, it doesn't spoil her, she loves the suprise element, and it's my money.

scallopsrgreat · 17/10/2015 22:34

I'd just respond with something like "your outrage is noted". Nice and passive aggressive Wink.

YANBU of course.

coffeeisnectar · 17/10/2015 22:35

Yes, tell your joyless cow of a sister to fuck off. I hope your dc is thrilled with the new game.

Jesus, I can't believe how upset people get over what other people buy their kids, how foes it affect her exactly?

We all need the odd treat.

AgentZigzag · 17/10/2015 22:38

'and he had lost respect for me as a person.'

Who the fuck does she think she is??

You don't have to justify what you spend your money on or what bills are paid to her (or to us).

How's she likely to respond to you not answering? I'm guessing if she's commenting like this she thinks you'll give a shit and won't be happy if you don't rise to the bait?

hollyislosingthewill · 17/10/2015 22:44

She sounds crazy or jealous Envy
It's a game for gods sake. I often treat DD and I don't really give a shit what anyone says it's my money and my life. I mean not daily treats but I am known to resort to bribery fairly often Wink

Original poster
mommy2ash · 17/10/2015 22:47

She never brings up stuff like this so I'm not sure what response she expected. There are many was our parenting styles differ but neither of us have ever made a point of it and why should we.

OP posts:
Original poster
mommy2ash · 17/10/2015 22:49

And you guys are right I shouldn't justify myself I was just making a point that my finances are in order in case anyone thought that either I was always asking her for money or always complaining I'm broke or can't pay the bills neither of which are the case

OP posts:
VikingLady · 17/10/2015 22:51

What a thoroughly unpleasant thing for her to say! Bitch. How dare you bring joy to your child's life?!

I bought DD three Thomas books today. She'd have no respect for me at all!

minimalistaspirati0ns · 17/10/2015 23:04

The fact DD doesn't nag you and you are very balanced in how/when you treat her, means DD isn't really materialistic. Does your DSis worry about your finances or DD being spoilt? Does she have kids? What happens with them?

ThatsDissapointing · 17/10/2015 23:08

Well, if it was Animal Crossing you definitely were not being unreasonable.

WhitePhantom · 17/10/2015 23:11

"My money, my dd, my business. Now fuck off."

Grin
CrapBag · 17/10/2015 23:11

What a lovely thing to do. We sometimes do this, although it's cheaper things, for DS a £1 car is enough to make him very happy, he's car mad. DD it's some sort over overpriced tat magazine but she loves them. Why shouldn't we treat our children.

My nan used to do this for me. I'd come home from school and find a new doll or something on me bed. I always appreciated it and have never forgotten it.

abbieanders · 17/10/2015 23:14

It's a long and miserable old life if you can't give your small child a treat.

AgentZigzag · 17/10/2015 23:18

Sending a long rant doesn't sound much like concern though Minimal.

More like she's been keeping an eye on the OP watching out for signs that she's becoming one of those parents.

I'm one of those mothers sometimes, but if it's before 9am other times it's like I'm the dictator of my own personal domain Grin it all balances out in the end.

RockinHippy · 17/10/2015 23:29

I would reply with...

Not sure who rattled your cage, but your outrage has been noted.

Now moving on...

& leave it at that as far as conversation goes - not her call to tell you how to parent, do doesn't warrant any more response than that & takes the wind right out of her sails if she's expecting to wind you up

Good luck

Wolfiefan · 17/10/2015 23:35

I normally save games for Christmas or birthday BUT sometimes it's nice to treat your kids just because!
When I was pre teen I was out with my mum and fell in love with an item of clothing. Without saying a word she went back to the shop without me and bought it. I got home from school and she had laid it out on my bed. I was beyond made up! I'm in my 40s now but I still have it. Because it reminds me my mum loves me and wanted to make me happy.

cherrylola · 17/10/2015 23:37

I think a surprise treat every now and again is such a lovely thing to be able to do for anyone, let alone your well behaved non-begging child. If your daughter demanded new things all the time then that's a different story, but it sounds like this is not the case at all so sod it, why the hell not! Spontaneous gestures for our loved ones are so thoughtful.

kungpopanda · 18/10/2015 03:18

You bought the game for your daughter 'just because', and whyever not? Treat your sister to some pile cream on the same rationale. These days it's not even any good as a quick-fix facelift, so don't go worrying she will enjoy it or anything.

KoalaDownUnder · 18/10/2015 03:21

Yeah, your sister can sod right off. Cannot believe the nerve of it!!!!

Lynnm63 · 18/10/2015 03:49

I think that was a really sweet thing you did for your dd. she will remember this in years to come. Im sure your dd thinks you're the best mum ever. Your sister is totally out of order. I don't know her so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she had a bad day or maybe she's jealous of your relationship with your dd.

AGirlCalledJohnny · 18/10/2015 03:58

Oh I like RockinHippy's response. Do that!! and update

OfficeGirl1969 · 18/10/2015 07:02

Take a photo of your little girl's face full of excitement and happiness when she plays her game. Have a really good look at it. There's your answer!

An unexpected treat like that is a brilliant thing to do. You haven't bankrupted yourself, the bills will still be paid and you've worked hard for it. Why the hell not get some enjoyment from your hard earned?! (And stuff what your sister reckons!)