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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for your help formulating some evil passive aggressive payback (lighthearted...I think...)

73 replies

solidarityplease · 17/10/2015 21:15

Hate my neighbours. Fucking hate them.

Selfish, Selfish bastards. We live in an Edwardian terrace but they behave like they live in a detached in the middle of nowhere.
Impossibly loud bassy music at all times of the day, smoking weed in their house which filters through all the nooks and crannies into ours, slamming doors (even on the way in) at stupid o'clock (so loudly that our mantel trembles), parties before and after going out, parking like inconsiderate twats on a street that has hardly any parking spaces anyway. I could go on.

We kept our mouths shut before we had DC but after trying to calm our 4 week old baby being kept awake by them I'd just about had enough.

We had words. I wrote a note as I couldn't trust myself not to lose it with them after that. They pleaded innocence, didn't realise it was so loud etc etc. But still it continues. They do not give a shit. I have actually apologised in the past to them if DC ever disturbs them and we do try so hard to make as little noise as possible. Don't know why we bother. We are so miserable at times because of them.

I'm sitting here pissed off as my bath I was looking forward to all day has just been ruined by them blasting shit music through the walls.

Help me piss them off please.
We're moving soon (Yippee!) And I would dearly love to piss them off, a nice fuck you gesture.
Just to clarify, this is pure fantasy, I'm obviously too chicken to actually do it the much bigger person.

OP posts:
Kym134 · 17/10/2015 22:49

There are sites online where you can sign their address up to loads of junk mail!

sugar21 · 17/10/2015 22:49

Get OH to find a recording of a pneumatic drill. Set up said recording on equipment facing their bedroom wall and use repeat play making sure volume is maximum, then go away for the weekend.

ReginaBlitz · 17/10/2015 22:51

Fuck knows but seems a bit harsh, someone could actually have a breakdown over issues like that.

purplewhale · 17/10/2015 22:55

Hate to be boring but if you make noise complaints before you sell, I think they have to be declared to the buyers. There was some thing in the forms from the solicitor when I sold my house to declare there were no neighbour issues eg noise

Once you've moved out though, do all the above. Find a way to get meat/fish hidden in their house so it rots but they don't know where the smell is coming from Grin

Original poster
solidarityplease · 17/10/2015 22:57

It's more than harsh. I've lived it for years.

I have (unrelated) PTSD so this causes me extra anxiety I don't need.

I have worked my arse off to live in and improve this house.

Our family deserve better and we will get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
solidarityplease · 17/10/2015 23:01

Yeah I'd heard that purple. This is why we have tried so hard to remain on good terms with them and not kick off.

Thing is, it's not every night, but it's often enough to be really fucking annoying.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 17/10/2015 23:01

Put weird marking on the wall, as if they are being targeted.
I like the adverts... something like DH is sleeping with X, all stuff for sale, phone £1 car, designer gear... blah... put their number on it /address
Love the drill idea.
Hate ... oh dont do it to poor delivery people, as if you would really do it!!
Lipstick the cars, or use smelly fish oil in the exhaust ...

ReginaBlitz · 17/10/2015 23:20

The adverts can be traced through IP address though. Ok look at it this way if someone did that to me purposely let me and my family move in next door to a bunch of cunts, I would hunt them down and give them some serious shit! Can you live with yourself palming the issues off on someone else just because you can't sort them yourself?

Littleallovertheshop · 17/10/2015 23:29

Never bother with bagpipes - the chanter is a cheaper, more irritating alternative!

NewNameNotTheSame · 17/10/2015 23:58

When me and DH first moved in together we lived in an apartment in quite a nkxer area, mainly older professionals living around us. The neighbour across from us would play classical music all fucking night, he would smoke weed at all hours in the communal staircase, and was just a rude git in general. We had allocated parking spaces too and he would just park wherever he felt like. Me and DH started lining a row of eggs up outside his front door that we had coloured in with a blackboard marker and stuck down with blutac so they didn't roll.... He stood in them, every fucking time Grin we only did it a couple of times a month so he wasn't really expecting it but the swearing and door slamming every time we for him have me way too much satisfaction Grin there was always a slight shine to the carpet by his front door, heh.

BiscuitMillionaire · 18/10/2015 00:09

Change the name on your broadband to 'Drug Squad Special Investigations Unit' or similar.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 18/10/2015 00:17

Put up some lovely tinkly wind chimes.

Don't babies love white noise like constant vacuum cleaning? Or vacuum your car out at 9am on a Sunday morning.

If you're trying to sell your house, I've heard that putting up some pictures and/or mirrors on the party wall can make the house more sale able Grin. Or put up some shelves on the party wall.

Shame you can't get a cockerel!

Original poster
solidarityplease · 18/10/2015 08:21

We have tried to sort it.

I'm not sure why you are trying to achieve here. Or even what your solution would be.

I don't feel like hunting down the people we bought it from either, I don't have any bad feeling towards them. Only the people who are the source of the problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
solidarityplease · 18/10/2015 08:21

*what

OP posts:
Original poster
solidarityplease · 18/10/2015 08:31

These are brilliant! Thank you Grin

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 18/10/2015 08:36

Did you ever contact Evironmental Health and the Police (about the drugs)?

I don't see why the neighbours haven't joined together and at least made their lives difficult by the reporting of drugs (I'd make false complaints about selling) and now the new drug driving laws have come in, they could be used.

OfficeGirl1969 · 18/10/2015 09:57

Order delivered items for them requiring payment on delivery, on the hour, every hour....
1pm A tonne of horse shit
2pm Six pizzas
3pm Some concrete
4pm A dozen bales of hay
5pm etc etc etc........

FayKorgasm · 18/10/2015 10:13

This is really horrible and I am almost ashamed to admit I did it. Years ago I lived next to a horrible woman who was dealing drugs, fighting, threatening, an all round bad one. It was pre children and I was a lot slimmer then. There was a small gap in the attic between our houses. I had asked the butCher for meat for a dog the day before. I squeezed through the gap and hid the dog meat in her attic. I would say it was about a week before it started to pong.

waitingforcalpoltowork · 18/10/2015 10:16

you need to get the drug problem sorted out if its wafting into your house i would not buy a druggy house

CallaLilli · 18/10/2015 10:19

Next time your DC has a particularly nasty nappy, decant it into a paper bag, put it on their doorstep and knock. Before they have a chance to open the door, set the bag alight and leg it. They'll open the door, panic and stamp out the small fire. Cue shit all over their favourite shoes.

Well it worked in a film I saw... Hmm

yoshipoppet · 18/10/2015 10:32

Definitely contact the police about the drugs. As a pp said, you'll never sell your house if the smell is coming in from theirs, and you really shouldn't have to put up with that.
Get some 'youparklikeacunt' stickers for their car.
Record your baby crying, and play it on a loop while you go out & do something nice. For several hours :)

ReginaBlitz · 18/10/2015 10:46

Hope none of you are the poor fucjers that buy the ops house...

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 18/10/2015 11:47

Regina ... you really are the party pooper are you?

AnyoneButAndre · 18/10/2015 11:59

This is why reporting to the police is the right answer - it benefits the new occupants as well as giving sweet sweet revenge to to OP.

ReginaBlitz · 18/10/2015 20:00

A sensible answer...