Parents piling pressure on

[pandarific]

I'm knackered and am dreading a family occasion this evening as my mum has been pressuring me and now has my dad in on the act.

My situ is that I live in the UK my parents in Ireland. I am 31, been away for 6 years and am in a LTR (4 years) with an english man who I live with in a flat we are renovating, and I work full time in a demanding job. My mum has always hated me living away as she misses me badly - I miss her too of course and my extended family, but I visit about 4/5 times a year, which is IMO lots.

I had a phone conversation with her a few weeks ago and was just talking about the future and kids and things and her reaction involved the words 'no' and 'I'm not losing you' and 'you're choosing a very hard life for yourself with no family around you' (uh, my OHs lovely family are 15 mins away and are mad about me!) and ended with a 'we'll talk about this when we see you'.

An honestly I am just knackered. I flew at her request straight from work yesterday eve to celebrate a significant birthday of a family member who I'm very fond of, and had had an exhausting week at work with my partner away all week, and a very heavy but important team-bonding evening that I couldn't really get out of, and I am still shattered and am in absolutely no mood to be guilted and poked at and spoken to as if my life decisions are the whim of a silly child. I've already had my dad going all night in a jokey way 'you WILL come home', 'no, you WILL' and talking over me.

And they're of the opinion it's OHs fault I don't want to move back, but actually it's my decision! And another thing, I'm pissed off with being expected to shell out 100+ every two months to come and see my mum, when she's done the journey the other way maybe once a year since I've been over! She's not 60 yet, works full time too herself so it's not that she's incapable.

I moaned to my friend about this who was pissed off on my behalf and thinks I am definitely not BU and essentially think I need to tell them that they need to support my decisions and not try to manipulate me with guilt into doing what they want, but it's shite still because I know they are doing it because they me miss me.

And so this party starts in an hour and if I know the mother she's got them all primed - I just don't have the energy. help me vipers!

Not just the Irish, my Kiwi mum is still nagging me to move back to New Zealand after almost a decade in the UK. She thought it was bad when I went to Uni and hour flight away I came over to the UK after Uni, met my English DH and my DS was born here.

One day I would love to return but I don't want to force my husband to leave his family as I knew this when I married him, but at the same time I am away from mine. It is a very hard situation, it's a good thing I am very happy in London and have built up good friends and a career here.

I miss her like crazy but won't be returning for at least the next 5 years, she comes over for a month each year and we do the same thing every 18 months. I hate the last visit as she's in her 60s and I keep thinking that could be the last time I get to see her.

It's one of the most wonderful things about my childhood, living near to family. I would have liked to give that to my children, unfortunately earlier decisions rather impacted negatively on that.

I think in a lot of ways my life would have been better if I had gone local to uni, and stayed in the same town afterwards.

Hi all - thanks for the commiserating.

I got off relatively easily in the end - just little digs rather than a full scale sit-down war-conference. I managed to laugh it off as ridiculous - especially when she brought up the terrible price of third-level education. For as-yet-unconceived-and-unlikely-to-arrive-anytime-soon grandchildren!