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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fuming that my sister has scared my parents into not having the flu vaccination

75 replies

Marue · 16/10/2015 18:42

My sister is anti vaccine fair enough her choice and she's young and healthy. My parents are in their late 60s and although healthy they are obviously at risk and in need of the vaccine else they wouldnt of been offered it.

Sister has sent them aload of dubious advice about it and totally put them off having it. Am I right to be annoyed with her?

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 17/10/2015 00:07

Agree that they are perfectly capable of making the decision themselves unless they're not of sound mind.

I don't qualify for the vaccine but I pay for it every year. I had flu a few years ago and can never remember being so ill.

Tartyflette · 17/10/2015 00:20

My DH, a scientist, also used to pay for the vaccine before he qualified for the free one. Flu is very serious, it can, and sadly does kill. DSIL was extremely ill with swine flu around three years ago.
I have it done as my GP advised me to. I have never had any reaction other than a mildly sore arm for a day or so.

Atenco · 17/10/2015 00:54

They are in their 60s, not stupid. Let them decide for themselves

Sorry as a woman in my 60s I find your post extremely offensive, you make your parents sound like children or people with dementia. I still work full time at a very demanding job and I cannot believe you think your parents are incapable of taking a decision like that.

HelenaDove · 17/10/2015 01:08

Neither of my 79 year old parents want the jab despite having health problems. Which is fine as its up to them but it means DH refuses to go round there at Christmastime because the fact that they dont makes it more risky for him. He has the jab himself but has also been told to minimize any risks due to his emphysema and ischemic heart disease. my DM got a bit upset because he wouldnt go round there last year but thats his right just as its their right not to have it.

There is a decent article about flu and the jab and the myths surrounding it in the current (November) issue of Good Housekeeping.

contrary13 · 17/10/2015 08:43

My DF has the vaccine every year (he has no spleen, so has virtually no immune system) and, like AnthonyBlanche, he suffers from side effects - the pain going up his arm and into his shoulder, and he gets bad head colds a few days after he's been jabbed. I presume this is because the vaccine is live... but I don't know. My DS gets bronchitis every year, and I have chronic and permanent sinusitis - our GP also nags us to have the vaccine, but so far... because of the way my DF has reacted to it, every year without fail, for almost a decade... it's not happening. And I've actually had flu... twice... and felt like I was dying both times (one lasted for about 24 hours, the second bout was with me for a week), and watched my DS endure Swine Flu - which he had Tamiflu for - and its aftermath. Until more research is done on the vaccine and how it affects the body, I'm not touching it with a bargepole - and I'm not anti-vaccines, either. Both of my children had all of their jabs, including the MMR, and I'm in full support of there being one to protect against chicken-pox (who in their right mind would wish to inflict a form of herpes on their child?!)

My DF is in his late 60s. He is an adult, and he can choose what chemicals to put in his body, if any, and when. His body, his choice.

I suggest you start to realise that your parents have the same rights as adults. Let them get on with it. Maybe they had their own doubts before your sister stuck her oar in. Perhaps they didn't. But they're not children, and they should be afforded some respect for knowing how to make decisions about their own bodies for, and by themselves! They're presumably of sound mind...? Let them get on with it!

gobbin · 17/10/2015 09:58

My DF has the vaccine every year (he has no spleen, so has virtually no immune system) and, like AnthonyBlanche, he suffers from side effects - the pain going up his arm and into his shoulder, and he gets bad head colds a few days after he's been jabbed. I presume this is because the vaccine is live... but I don't know. My DS gets bronchitis every year, and I have chronic and permanent sinusitis - our GP also nags us to have the vaccine, but so far... because of the way my DF has reacted to it, every year without fail, for almost a decade... it's not happening

This is my experience with my mum and why I won't be having it, despite being immunocompromised and on drugs to suppress it further. The injection isn't a live vaccine (the nasal spray is, so def can't have that) but the after effects many people have do make me wonder. I've had flu three times in 30 years. I'll take the risk, thanks.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/10/2015 10:33

It's only a live virus for kids, they have a reduced reaction to dead viruses.

The adult one is dead.

hackmum · 17/10/2015 10:48

I think your parents are able to make their own minds up.

Apart from which, the flu vaccine doesn't give full protection against all strains of flu - the flu virus mutates every year, so they've still got a chance of catching it even with the vaccine. I wouldn't worry about it.

Pseudo341 · 17/10/2015 10:51

OP's parents have made their decision based on a load of bogus information that's been fed to them by the sister but apparently it's very patronising to want to give them any evidence to contradict what they've been told. WTF?!

AuntieStella · 17/10/2015 11:01

If someone (of any age) has been over-influenced by someone who has used inaccurate or incomplete material to persuade, then yes you would be right to ensure that they also have accurate info and that any gaps are filled.

But after that, leave them to make up their own minds.

Nataleejah · 17/10/2015 11:34

YABU
Your parents are old/young enough to take care of themselves

Happfeet2911 · 17/10/2015 11:37

How patronising, surely they can make the decision themselves without you and your sister getting involved.

hackmum · 17/10/2015 12:14

Pseudo341: " apparently it's very patronising to want to give them any evidence to contradict what they've been told. WTF"

the question wasn't about giving them evidence, it was about whether the OP was right to be annoyed with her sister. And she isn't - her sister just gave them the info, it's up to them what they do with it. If the OP wants to give them different info, she's quite welcome to. But I dare say her parents are competent to use a computer or visit the library and seek out information for themselves.

Peregrina · 17/10/2015 12:37

Well, OP only needs to send them the information that she believes to be correct and then let them make their own minds up. I don't get the impression that she would be happy with that. She thinks the flu jab is a good idea, and she is annoyed that her parents don't think likewise is how it comes across to me.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 17/10/2015 12:39

My mum is in her 60's and also refuses the flu vaccine. I think she's wrong but keep my opinions to myself. I was pretty annoyed with her when she started telling me I shouldn't have the whooping cough vaccination though (I'm pregnant).

AnthonyBlanche · 17/10/2015 12:44

Fluffy if the vaccine is dead why did I have such a bad reaction to it? Or does the fact that it is dead make no difference? I'm genuinely interested, as I am not a scientist and was told by the nurse who administered the injection that it was impossible for there to be any side effects.

Dowser · 17/10/2015 12:48

Maybe they just don't need it.

I'm in my 60s and back in the 50s I was one of two children left standing when Asian flu swept through my school.

I've never had flu and I'm still capable of making my own decisions.....and hope to for many more years yet.

hackmum · 17/10/2015 12:52

The other thing is: your sister didn't think, "Oh, I know, I'll put my parents' health at risk by giving them misleading information about the flu vaccine." Presumably she thought she was doing them a favour. So she may be misguided, but she's not evil.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/10/2015 12:53

anthony

Sometimes you just get unlucky, I have to have hepatitis A & B plus regular tetanus shots and while I'm in the nurse gives me boosters the rest of you might not get like diptheria and polio.

One year I had a shocker of a reaction to a jab, three days off work with diarrhea, I felt awful.

The flu jab will just make me feel like I am going down with a cold for a few days while I make antibodies.

It's definitely dead for adults though.

nephrofox · 17/10/2015 12:55

The injection version given to adults is NOT live. It contains incomplete flu virus particles which your body can learn to recognise (therefore giving you protection against the real thing) but it CANNOT give you flu. Any "flu like" side effects are likely due to a cold you were harbouring anyway, possibly a mild reaction to other vaccine components (eg like those posters allergic to egg) , or are psychosomatic

The children's nasal spray is live. They get a tiny dose of live virus and their immune system is strong enough to fight it and then be protected in the future. They can transmit live virus via coughs and sneezes etc afterwards. This is why immunosuppressed children, or those who live with immunosuppressed adults, should have the injection instead

Caprinihahahaha · 17/10/2015 13:05

"Pseudo341
OP's parents have made their decision based on a load of bogus information that's been fed to them by the sister but apparently it's very patronising to want to give them any evidence to contradict what they've been told. WTF?!"

No. It's patronising to assume that the parents are too old, in their late 60s, to make their own minds up.
Whatever information they have and from whatever source, they are, in the absence of some specific issues which make the peculiarly vulnerable, perfectly entitled to listen to who they chose and decide what they like.

The op blaming her sister for a decision made by her parents is the part which is patronising

Katedotness1963 · 17/10/2015 13:11

I think your parents can make their own decisions about this. My husband and kids get the flu jab yearly, I've never had one.

TaliZorah · 17/10/2015 13:19

I'm asthmatic and have never had it despite being offered it every year. Never had it when I was pregnant either.

Your parents can make up their own minds.

TaliZorah · 17/10/2015 13:22

Anthony my mum reacted like that to the flu jab. Migraine and flu like symptoms, I don't know the logic as to why but just anecdotal evidence it does happen

AnthonyBlanche · 17/10/2015 13:25

neprofox I would be prepared to believe that the flu vaccine wasn't responsible for my feeling so ill if there had been any sort of delay between injection and going from feeling normal to feeling very ill. By the time I got back to my desk after having the injection I had severe pain in my arm which quickly spread across my shoulders and back. Another hour later and I was shivering, aching all over and had a headache. Considering I was perfectly well when I had the vaccine I think it highly unlikely that I would have been so ill without it.

I'm not allergic to eggs, and have nothing against injections or vaccines of any sort and wasn't expecting to feel unwell afterwards so I'm confident my reaction wasn't psychosomatic

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