Massive complaint to The Elders of the Internet

[Fishboneschokus]

Why no access all day until a few minutes ago ?
Is it because I am rural?
Is this normal?

Tubes? Are you sure? I thought it was made up of clouds?

Pass, download all the free classics that you can, when you can.

It's the end of days!!

Absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
Bt broadband, iPad, Safari.

Can you get a man to look at it?

dons flame shield and fucking legs it hides

Email for Martha lastminutedotcom?
Is she in charge?
If I have sodding connection tomorrow?

Martha is definitely in charge. She is a stroppy wench mind and turns of the internets of randoms on a whim

Our internet has a bloody mind of its own. When I finally phone India, it's mid-afternoon and everything is going swimmingly. Trying to convince India that it was knackered all morning and will probably be knackered all evening too is beyond my abilities.

The cat often sits on the internet gizmos to warm his arse, but I know from experience that moving him makes no difference.

Even so, if you have a cat sitting on your router, perhaps you could bribe it off with an offer of some Felix the other side of the house.

Giving the cat a tinfoil hat of sorts which bounces the signal back into the room might actually be helpful

just don't google google

Cats do love routers, don't they? Is it because they control the internet?

My business has an outlet in a fairly large village in the South East every Thursday and Friday for the last month ( Every morning and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday afternoons are just fine)our internet provider has been unable to provide broadband after 3.30pm. Our server is at our main premise, so no records, no billing and no able to take payments.
They appear to not know why they can't provide it.

I've just come off the conspiracy thread and the idea of cats in tinfoil hats controlling the internet is just....

This one is especially useful/paranoid

I have just googled Google.
The End.

hassled I think you're spot on there!
The elders are cats!! Disinterested creatures controlling our connectivity at a whim....total cat behaviour. I wonder if now i know the truth they'll let me stay

Hassled!! You're so right. They do control the internet
That's why it's full of the cute little feckers doing silly things. They're trying to distract us from their evil plan of world domination.

It is being in the country. Cows stand on the internet tubes.

The Elders briefly lent the internet to the Relationship Manager of the IT department for a presentation, but it should be back up again now - it was discussed at one of the meetings you were banned from

'Relationship Manager',
Is that really a thing?
Sounds like some sort of ludicrous title for someone who doesn't even know what IT stands for.

Me Suis Jen.

Your internet is in Australia, with me.

I'm watching Cops and various midwife shows. You can have it back when I'm done, or the ElderCats dictate. Whatever's first.

153 meg broadband, and I get unreasonably annoyed when it drops. My catdog (cute black version) controls the Internet. He enjoys nigella and cat videos.
My local bus is the 200 and something (sorry murderous poster, I don't get the bus)