To want to move soon?

[Polgara25]

The house we live in is owned (outright) by my DP. I sold my small flat, stuck the proceeds in a savings account and moved in with him.

Thing is, it's in a horrible area and is falling apart. I've offered to pay towards repairs but he declined.

The area is so bad I wouldn't even walk to the corner shop on my own after dark. Think smack heads fighting outside of the takeaway.

We're TTC. I've told him that I am not bringing children up round here. He agrees we can move before the youngest started school. However, I don't actually want to live here either myself.

We have plenty of money, that's not the issue.

I'm miserable - I moved from a lovely home in a decent area to this.

Well if you can't get out of him the real reason for why he won't move when you can easily afford it then I'd say it's really important!

He doesn't trust your knowledge of the market? He doesn't want to live in a house that you own/part own? His need to stay somewhere that is "safe"? His fear of stepping up in the world?

Why does he think it's okay for his partner to live in an area where she feels so unsafe?

Oh dear, this isn't good. Clear red flags from this guy. Are you trying to save him?

How long have you been together?

So, we'll research the market
you'll do all the work and he will subtly sabotage all that you do such that no real progress is made

5 years.

You are miserable and that doesn't matter to him after 5 years together and TTC?

Random - that's an excellent point. Strangely never looked at it like that.

If he is so attached to it and you can afford to buy without selling it, why not keep it as a rental and move to somewhere more suitable for you to bring up your baby? (Sorry if this has already been suggested).

If i were you op, might be hard with my plumbing, I'd get back on the pill and absolutely refuse TTC until you're in a happier home.
If he still refuses then he obviously isn't serious about fatherhood or serious about you and your feelings.

Then why did you agree to move in to his house? Surely you knew what it was like & that the area is bad.

Why didn't you both sell & buy together?

I only ask because I was in a lt relationship very similar & I wish someone had made me realise how shite it actually was & that when I eventually plucked up the courage & left Id grow a back bone & meet the man of my dreams, who only wants the best for me/us/our beautiful kids.

Why are you ttc when you can't agree on the basics?

Op i wouldnt ttc with this guy. There are a few things you need to sort out first. Why doesnt he want to move. Why doesnt he want to add you to the deeds. Any marriage plans. Look after your self op.

Apparently moving while being pregnant would be too stressful. He's also terrified of taking on a mortgage.

I should've known what I was getting when I moved here, apparently.

I call bullshit tbh.

You want different things in life don't think you should TTC and should fun for the hills instead!

If he's terrified of mortgage how does he own the place you live?

Oh god OP, MOVE NOW! I started looking when we started TTC and ended up moving into our new house two days after my due date. It was hell.

DH was like this, it was partly the prospect of a mortgage that terrified him and partly some ridiculous inertia. Eventually, I told him I was going to move even if he didn't. He came with me and is perfectly happy where we are now. Whether I'll ever be able to get him to move again I don't know, but I am happy where we are now. Its a good area and we have plenty of space for the DC.

I've lived in a grim area whilst on maternity leave and it is horrible.

I even suggested that I take the whole mortgage in my name and pay the deposit - nope, still doesn't like the idea.

Even a free house in a nice area isn't good enough???

Why would a grown, educated man be so emotionally attached to a wreck of a house in a crap area, when he can have something so much better?

He's not trying to get out of TTC - he's still happy and excited about becoming a father.

I'm at a loss.

Was he left it by his parents?

No, he bought it outright himself.

Insurance job, anyone?

Go back on the pill.
Buy a suitable house.
Invite him to move to it with you and TTC.
If he says no, move on your own.
Find someone else, TTC with him.

I do actually love him. It's babies with him or no babies.

Stop TTC now. This is a dealbreaker.

'It's babies with him or no babies.'

Please, please don't be so ridiculous. There is a world out there, it's entirely possible to find more than one suitable partner.

Hence I said go and see a therapist, you need to find out where this complete fear comes from and whether it can be resolved.

Oh dear, I'll say it now "I told you so". Good luck with your plans & I really mean that. I really don't want you back here in another 5 years because he won't marry you/move/buy a house with you especially when you are certain you are going to have DC with him.

Don't be so ridiculous!

I'm sorry but 'babies with him or no babies'???

Why?