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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at dp's lack of reaction to my news?

64 replies

MsRamone · 14/10/2015 18:28

So today was big results day. Myself and my cohort were finding out if we'd passed our dissertations and therefore passed our degree and qualified as nurses. Results were out at 12.30. DP knew this. He'd text me in the morning saying good luck etc. 12.30 we're all sat nervously checking our results - those of us with good news were immediately texting loved ones to tell them the good news and they were all receiving replies saying how proud people were of them, congratulations etc etc. I received no such text from DP. I assumed he can't have had a signal at work. So I got home at 5pm to find him playing on the computer. He HAD received my text telling him id passed with a first but he was "busy" so didn't reply.
Now I'm stuck seeing Facebook updates of flowers, chocolates and cards etc from my friends loved ones congratulating them on their results ... I have a bottle of wine in the kitchen that I'd actually asked for and dP is playing on battlefield.

I could forgive the lack of card/chocolate/flowers etc but he couldn't even send me a text, even after he'd finished work. Aibu?

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/10/2015 20:25

It's not too late to make something if it. Could you say to him "I'd really like to celebrate my results. How about we X/Y/Z this evening/weekend?". If he shows anything less than enthusiasm, is do it with someone else.

CampariSpritz · 14/10/2015 20:31

Congratulations! I suspect he is a bit envious as others have noted above. Don't let that detract from your fab achievement. Stellar result!

JackSkellington · 14/10/2015 20:39

YANBU to be disappointed at his lukewarm reaction, YABU to expect a gift. I arranged a meal with (now) DH and parents after my graduation, didn't expect anything else. Maybe do that and see what he says? Or something similar?

peggyundercrackers · 14/10/2015 20:43

I think people are being a bit harsh and can't believe some are saying think about your future because he didn't send a txt - speak about over reacting. he said good luck in the morning and he congratulated you when you come in in person and put something on Fb for you. He hardly ignored you and at the end of the day it's only a txt message.

johnImonlydancing · 14/10/2015 20:50

I'm sorry, that's not nice of him. And well done!
Reminds me of when I got my A level results. I was predicted Bs and got As - rang home to tell my parents, Dad had to be practically hauled to the phone and his reaction was... 'Yes? Good.' That was it, off he went and didn't mention it again. Wouldn't have been so upsetting if he hadn't been so strict about studying hard all through my teens!

AndDeepBreath · 14/10/2015 20:54

While I agree it's quite rubbish he didn't reply, there have been some days at work where I haven't had time to blink, or when texting would have earned me A Bloody Stern Look from a boss. Could that have happened here too? Or could he just not understand how big a deal this was to you?

If it's just that he forgot to text and you're happy in your relationship otherwise, please talk to him, and let it go - or you'll feel bitter and it'll poison this achievement a bit too ... If you're feeling neglected overall though, or are there a bigger issues, maybe it's time to rethink things?

Remember that some people post on fb etc to boast or compensate ... Someone with a snazzy dinner and massive gift might have a generally lousy relationship with a shit of an unsupportive husband in other ways!

AyeAmarok · 14/10/2015 21:42

Did he only get a 2:1 in his degree

ghostyslovesheep · 14/10/2015 21:46

well a first is bloody brilliant - well done

sod him x

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/10/2015 22:05

A first is amazing and I'm just off to get a celebratory glass of grown up drink so I can clink glasses to you

Ps I got a first many moons ago which really knocked me for six, and I shared my shock and joy liberally ...and this thread has reminded me that there were some odd reactions, off people I hadn't expected as well. I learnt to keep quieter about it and basically stfu! I think there's something about the clear firstiness of a first which brings out envy in those who maybe had a different opinion of relative positions of ability. The worst reaction was off a 'close friend' who had been lovely all that final year although I knew he fancied me seemed ok with being a friend ... who told me I had cheated, and I didn't deserve one, and basically that it was worth nothing and he hoped I could sleep at night knowing how I'd rigged the system. Total shock, & I naively couldn't work out where the bike was coming from as we weren't in same faculty so hadn't been competing, he didn't know anyone on my course, oh and he got a 3rd so it wasn't like is pipped him to the post or anything like that.

Anyway, point being, there's something about getting more than average marks which brings out the worst in people - especially when that person is male, and romantically inclined.

Justaboy · 14/10/2015 22:23

Some blokes, I just don't know!.

Anyway well done and a BIG hug from me an excellent profession I must say;-)

Best of luck in your well chosen career:)

beefthief · 14/10/2015 23:02

Have you talked to him and told him what you've told us?

Morganly · 14/10/2015 23:13

I think you may be being a teensy bit U. He wished you luck, congratulated you when you got home and put a message on Facebook. OK, he didn't make a huge fuss but he hasn't ignored your achievement.

Give him a bit of time. If he comes home in the next few days with a congrats card or suggests a celebratory meal, you'll feel a bit of a dick especially if you sulk this evening. Open your bottle of wine and bask in your achievement. Don't spoil it by comparing him unfavourably with your mates' partners' public behaviour. You don't know what is going on in their homes right now.

Bunbaker · 14/10/2015 23:24

"I think people are being a bit harsh and can't believe some are saying think about your future because he didn't send a txt - speak about over reacting. he said good luck in the morning and he congratulated you when you come in in person and put something on Fb for you. He hardly ignored you and at the end of the day it's only a txt message."

I agree peggy. It is actually very difficult to text where I work as they are cracking down on people using their mobiles, so I get where he is coming from.

lorelei9 · 14/10/2015 23:56

I'm thinking that the OP might have been taken out for dinner and cocktails after all hope so!

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