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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at dp's lack of reaction to my news?

64 replies

MsRamone · 14/10/2015 18:28

So today was big results day. Myself and my cohort were finding out if we'd passed our dissertations and therefore passed our degree and qualified as nurses. Results were out at 12.30. DP knew this. He'd text me in the morning saying good luck etc. 12.30 we're all sat nervously checking our results - those of us with good news were immediately texting loved ones to tell them the good news and they were all receiving replies saying how proud people were of them, congratulations etc etc. I received no such text from DP. I assumed he can't have had a signal at work. So I got home at 5pm to find him playing on the computer. He HAD received my text telling him id passed with a first but he was "busy" so didn't reply.
Now I'm stuck seeing Facebook updates of flowers, chocolates and cards etc from my friends loved ones congratulating them on their results ... I have a bottle of wine in the kitchen that I'd actually asked for and dP is playing on battlefield.

I could forgive the lack of card/chocolate/flowers etc but he couldn't even send me a text, even after he'd finished work. Aibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

MsRamone · 14/10/2015 19:01

Thanks guys. When I came in he came over to me and congratulated me. I said "oh? You got my text then? How come you didn't reply?". He said "I've been really busy at work but I'm congratulating you now." Id text him at 12.40pm. You're telling me that inbetween 12.40 and 5pm he could find a few seconds to text a congratulations? Bollocks.
I was secretly hoping he'd have bought me a box of chocolates at least. Nothing. He's posted a "so proud of you darling" etc on Facebook but think that is more for the benefit of others than it is for me. He's still playing on battlefield.

OP posts:

pictish · 14/10/2015 19:05

First of all, congratulations!

Yanbu. It hurts when your most loved one cba to make the effort. The lazy fucker might have stirred himself to offer his congrats to your rightfully delighted self.

pictish · 14/10/2015 19:05

Via text that is.

Damselindestress · 14/10/2015 19:05

Congratulations on getting a first! YANBU. Your DP is. Is it possible that he hasn't achieved his own academic or career goals and is feeling jealous of your success? Anyway he's being immature.

areyoubeingserviced · 14/10/2015 19:07

Probably jealous tbh.

AskingForAPal · 14/10/2015 19:10

GO OUT. Don't just sit there and look at him.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/10/2015 19:11

Congratulations
Are you now qualified to perform unpleasant procedures on people? Start with him.

GeekLove · 14/10/2015 19:17

Reminds me of when my then boyfriend and I got out GCSE's. I did as well as expected with mostly A's and B's, he did better than expected. Was he happy...

Well he gleefully pointed out the one subject that he'd done better than me and said my grades was only goo because I was a girl. Odd since was happy to let my parents to pay for him on my celebratory meal out...

That was the first nail in that coffin...

Queenbean · 14/10/2015 19:21

I disagree a bit with the others. He has wished you luck in advance, congratulated you in person, put a fb status to say so in public and bought you wine (fine, that you asked for, but he did do it)

Not unreasonable to feel a little put out at not getting a text too but it's not like he's totally ignored you. As for "finding this unforgivable" as a pp said - oh come on now. Don't let this undermine what is a fantastic day for you, congratulations

Defenderwife · 14/10/2015 19:21

Any chance he has a surprise planned for the weekend maybe?

If not he is a total dick.

dementedma · 14/10/2015 19:21

When I read the title of this thread I had to check I hadn't posted it myself. I heard today I have been shortlisted for a national award and there is a black tie ceremony to attend . Told dh and he said "bit stupid having an awards ceremony mid-week" and that was that.

MissMarpleCat · 14/10/2015 19:22

Congratulations
Fuck off out to celebrate and leave him to 'battlefield'.
I'd be beyond pissed off if I were you.

Atenco · 14/10/2015 19:26

No relationship advice, but congratulations, you couldn't have done better, could you?

Isthiscorrect · 14/10/2015 19:27

Congrats Dementema. That's sounds awesome.
And as for a first, very well done MsRamone. Try not to let this undermine you. Everyone reacts differently although I'd have been singing from the rooftops and boring my colleagues to death with how proud I was.

lorelei9 · 14/10/2015 19:30

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I had this happen with a boyfriend. He wished me luck on results day but when I got my result - a good one - he had nothing to say.

I asked him about it and he just shrugged and said "well I figured you would do well". I later found out from his colleagues that he had done a shout round and said "lorelei did so well" etc. So I never said anything further but I found it odd, as cards and so on arrived from people, that he did nothing.

I think some people don't like to make a big deal of stuff like this but I was pissed off and I understand why you are as well.

for what it's worth, I say congratulations and how fab are you!! Nurses are brilliant brilliant people and I hope you have a really fulfilling career doing such an important job.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 14/10/2015 19:30

Congratulations, you must have worked really hard.

Sad that a bunch of randoms on the internet are congratulating you when your own DP couldn't be arsed!

FWIW I had a wobble at my DP yesterday for not replying to a message all day yesterday as he'd also been soooo busy he literally hadn't had 5 seconds to text "xx love you" or something. Then when he got in he wanted to talk about himself and his work issues.

This was nothing like as major as your news and didn't really warrant a reply, but when you're expecting some sort of acknowledgement and get nothing and then when you see him it's all about him, it just sucks doesn't it.

I agree with others, be too busy for him too, leave him to his game and go and celebrate with people who are happy for you.

chumbler · 14/10/2015 19:30

Yabu. I agree with fluffy, he said congratulations when you were home right, if you hadn't know about the others getting texts and flowers etc you probably wouldn't be so pissed!

VegasIsBest · 14/10/2015 19:32

Don't let this spoil your day. What an achievement.
You must be really proud of yourself.

WELL DONE FROM ALL OF US

sodabreadjam · 14/10/2015 19:41

Well done OP - wonderful achievement. I hope you enjoy your career as a nurse.

Yes - your DPs reaction has been underwhelming and lukewarm, especially as he is now glued to his game. Posting on Facebook is a bit of a cheap effort compared with the flowers and chocs others have received. I hope he makes it up to you in the next few days.

I did a degree and two postgrads - DH showed an interest but I didn't receive as much as a card or even a "well done" from wider family (siblings).

Another relative passed the theory part of an animal grooming course and you would have thought she had discovered a cure for cancer judging by the outpouring of congratulations on Facebook.

Lweji · 14/10/2015 19:49

Well done. Congratulations.

How is he when he passes tests or achieves something? Is he excited or does he act like now?

Personally I have never been one to make a big deal of my own achievements. If he is like that maybe he doesn't realise you expected something more from him?

OTOH, if he celebrates his, and more importantly, if you celebrate his, then he's being a twat.

purplepandas · 14/10/2015 20:11

Congrats op, that is fab. So sorry re your DH, he is a knob for not texting you.

Libitina · 14/10/2015 20:17

Congratulations Staff Nurse Ramone

NewLife4Me · 14/10/2015 20:19

Well done OP, you should be very proud. thanks]

I'd talk to him tomorrow, don't spoil your moment. Have a good "flew gasses"

NewLife4Me · 14/10/2015 20:19

Ah, meant some

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 14/10/2015 20:20

Congratulations to you Op, your hard work clearly paid off.

Shame DP reaction has been a bit flat, its disappointing when people don't seem to realise when something is a big deal for you and seeing other people celebrating just highlights his lack of reaction. and for you.

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