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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car share/work colleague/slagging me off

57 replies

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 14/10/2015 12:44

Will try to keep this short, I haven't been unreasonable YET and would like some advice before/if I say anything.

Me and a guy in work both live in the same area which is a 30 minute drive from work so we car share. One week I drive, the next he drives.

A few weeks ago he crashed his car and it is a write off. No injuries thankfully.

Therefore we have been driving in to work in my car.

I am currently moving house and had to hand the keys into my old landlord on Monday by 5pm, my DP was really ill and on Sunday I realised I was not going to get things done on time, so I messaged my boss to ask if it was possible to have the Monday off, she said yes.

I sent a text to car share guy to explain (this was around 3pm on Sunday) I wouldn't be in so could he arrange a lift with family. He replied with "ok".

On the Mondat I received a text from another work colleague who told me that car share guy had said I had "let him down".

Monday night I was feeling as little queezy, woke up at 5am Tuesday morning vomitting and Diarohea. I text Car share guy around 6.30 to explain I wouldnt be in again but that he could borrow my car. He replied "by the time I get to you i will be late for work, Guess I'll just have to ring in sick".

Later on that evening he sent me another message asking if im in or not today so he can arrange a lift.

I feel he was unreasonable to slag me off to work, saying that when he buys a new car he wont be car sharing with me again as i'm too unreliable!!! it was one occasion! So who IBU here? Me for letting him down, or him?

OP posts:
Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 14/10/2015 15:19

His car crashed about 3 weeks ago, he gave me £15 last Friday!

OP posts:
Scremersford · 14/10/2015 15:24

What a rude man! It doesn't matter what reasons you didn't go into work, its up to him to get himself to work. And he had sufficient notice. The second time, if it was me, I'd have got a taxi and make getting my own transport a priority. Or I'd have a back up plan, such as cycling.

But I've began to realise that the moment anyone steps into your car for a free ride, all reason and basic manners leave them. No matter how nice and well adjusted they were before, they immediately turn into an entitled spoilt child who thinks the driver owes them the ride.

The best way is not to give anyone a lifts. Life is much better that way.

RaspberryOverload · 14/10/2015 15:30

£15 doesn't sound a lot for a one hour round trip to work.

So he's gaining from you giving lifts while slagging you off. Sounds really entitled to me. I'd stop the car share right now.

Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 14/10/2015 16:03

Entitled is a word I used for him. I could tell you lots more about him but its not relevant to the post and would make you hate him lol

OP posts:
OpenDoorAsshole · 14/10/2015 16:20

I wouldnt car share with him after stuff like that.

Assuming he has an adult brain in his adult body, he can make his own way to work. You're not his keeper.

Do your own thing and fuck him off.

Hissy · 14/10/2015 17:00

He's not worth it. Tell him you heard what he said and tbh, you're not about to waste time and money helping him out for a paltry £5 a week AND have shit spoken about you.

his lack of manners, gratitude and understanding are astounding and he needs to wake up and realise what a prick he is.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/10/2015 17:29

Use one of the online car share calculators to work out how much he owns you a day. Its surprisingly higher than you think!

Tell him this and if you intend to continue the car share you might be better saying to him that once he gets his new car he can drive you for the number of weeks you've driven him instead.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/10/2015 17:29

owns = owes

Sazzle41 · 14/10/2015 17:41

This is why i prefer not entering into joint or shared arrangements over most stuff , including getting to work. Other people and their 'stuff' can send what sounds like a good idea rapidly pear shaped.

Having to have back up plans and bear in mind other people's changes of plan/possible problems usually makes me think, actually, any cost saving is negligible: its easier to sort myself out.

Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 26/10/2015 11:04

Little update for anyone that's interested..

Car share guy has bought a new car and has swiftly dumped me.

He said by text yesterday it would be best for us to drive in seperately.

Great timing as my handbreak has broken but what can you do?

My colleague said that he got in a little bit before me and announced "Nice and early today as I came in on my own".

He hasn't spoken to me and is doing what he can to annoy me, playing my least favourite cd in work, complaining about the heating being on (I have reynaud's and my fingers are freezing).

I am sick of the grumpy atmosphere he is bringing. AIBU to secretly hope his car breaks down and has to rely on me for a lift?

Feeling annoyed.

Why does a grown man feel the need to slag me off?!

OP posts:
HawkEyeTheNoo · 26/10/2015 11:34

This man sounds like an absolute tube! So sorry he's making you miserable OP. Maybe speak to your boss about it Thanks

russiandwarf · 26/10/2015 11:49

Ugh! He is trying to wind you up by the sounds of it. If you are opting to say nothing then just totally ignore him, if he is trying to get a rise he will be really annoyed if you act like you don't care!
He sounds like an idiot, and very immature, you are best out of it if that is his attitude. Pathetic.

Fairenuff · 26/10/2015 11:54

Why does a grown man feel the need to slag me off?!

But aren't you just doing the same to him here?

WMittens · 26/10/2015 12:08

car share guy had said I had "let him down".

I feel he was unreasonable to slag me off to work,

How did he slag you off? It's factually correct, you did let him down. It's not your fault by any means, but it's extra shitty timing for him as his "back up plan" is currently crashed and sitting in a scrap yard.

it was one occasion!

It was two: Monday and Tuesday.

WMittens · 26/10/2015 12:15

£15 doesn't sound a lot for a one hour round trip to work.

When I drove to work in an economical diesel it cost slightly less than £20/week (50mpg, 36 miles round trip, took about 30-35 minutes). So about £10/person if fuel is split.

for a paltry £5 a week

It isn't per week though, is it? The OP and car share guy would alternate weeks driving, so it's at least one week, at most two weeks that car share guy should have been driving but wasn't. If it is for one week, £15 is over the odds, as per above.

ConfusedInBath · 26/10/2015 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 26/10/2015 12:18

In my petrol car it costs £5-£40 per week.

Yeah I guess I am slagging him off on here but only in response to his behaviour and not to people he works with.

I am just going to ignore and rise above it.

OP posts:
Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 26/10/2015 12:30

Op, it should be a cold day in hell before you give him a lift again.

He wouldn't give you a lift when you didn't have a car, even for petrol money.

When his car was broken, he took a lift and didn't give you enough petrol money.

He slags you off.

He has dumped the 'lift share' because your private taxi wasn't reliable enough and now he doesn't need it.

He is a grade A cockwomble, if he asks you for a lift ever again, present your middle finger and tell him he can swivel on it!

Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 26/10/2015 12:37

I am really looking forward to him needing a lift. I hope he does.

If my unreliable car happens to break down i will have to get the bus which will make me 30 minutes late. I will explain to the manager that he refuses to help me.

OP posts:
Marshy · 26/10/2015 12:44

Adults are responsible for getting themselves to work. He does sound like a knob and i think toure well rid of the lift sharing arrangement but it won't be his fault if you have to get the bus when your car breaks down.

Fairenuff · 26/10/2015 12:45

I will explain to the manager that he refuses to help me.

That's just childish. It's your responsibility to get yourself into work on time, not his. If your car breaks down get a taxi. Or put an arrangements in place with your boss now that you can come in half an hour late on the bus and work the extra half an hour at the end of the day or another time.

Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 26/10/2015 12:46

No I know Marshy

It also wouldn't be my fault, there is only one bus service in the morning.

I would simply explain when she asks why i didnt get a lift with car share guy that he refused to give me a lift.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScribblerOnTheRoof · 26/10/2015 12:47

I am simply stating the facts though.

Car broken down, only option is the bus. I WILL be asked why I am getting the bus when he only lives 10 minutes away. It's not pointing the blame, its simply telling the true story.

A taxi would cost around £40 each way. More than what I earn in a day

OP posts:
Unreasonablebetty · 26/10/2015 12:47

He sounds awful OP.Flowers

Sorry you have to deal with his childish bs.
It was awfully kind of you to offer him use of your car.

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 26/10/2015 12:51

Car shares are a bloody nightmare. I did one for a year (30 mile commute each way, so should have been a godsend in terms of cutting costs and tiredness from driving). It ended up being more stressful that my actual (very stressful) job. Another two hours a day of office politics. Anyway, that particular colleague has retired now, and I now have a blissful two hours on my own to listen to music, and to unwind on the way home from work.

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