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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that I've never been invited to a wedding?

56 replies

Weddingwoe · 13/10/2015 23:47

I am 26 and I have never been to a wedding in my life. It may seem daft, but I find it quite upsetting for a few reasons. Whenever I see threads on MN about weddings I always feel a bit wistful. When I see photos on facebook etc, everyone there always looks like they're having an absolute ball, including all the guests. No wedding is on the horizon for me as I'm single. I would love to just be a guest at someone else's. It feels weird to have never been to one at this age. Are they really as amazing as I'm imagining them to be?

OP posts:

whois · 13/10/2015 23:53

Are your friends not at the marrying stage yet? At 26 I had only been to my much older sisters wedding.

Now are 30 lots of people are getting married so obviously more wedding to be invited to.

They are fun mainly because you see old friends you've maybe not seen for a while, and have a good meal and a drink and a dance. It's nice to see your friends so happy and getting married. The speeches can be sometimes funny and it's cool meeting your friends parents if you've never met them before.

I don't think they are particularly fun if you are at a distant relatives wedding or something. But others may disagree and enjoy the service and the 'sharing in their day' thing a bit more.

whois · 13/10/2015 23:53

Ps the whole point of photographs and Facebook is to present a picture of the absolute best moments - so obvs people will look really happy!

Fatmomma99 · 14/10/2015 00:03

What whois said isn't wrong, but also there's SUCH a downside...

The service is usually tedious.

You're bound to be sat next to someone you don't know at the meal.

You'll have to eat and drink to their agenda and menu, so expect to starve/be dying of thirst and then get served something you don't especially like/isn't very nice.

Unless you're "in" (a family member or close friend) you won't know most people there. And even if you are "in" you're only likely to be "in" on one element of their lives. (I.e. if you're a school friend, there's bound to be loads from Uni. If you're a cousin you know family stuff, but none of school or higher education stories. If you know the groom, you prob don't know the bride and vice-versa)

You have to have "an outfit". You have to provide a gift. (money, money, money). They might have a collection as well. And the bar is rarely free. And you have to get there and home again, or maybe accommodation (all spends!)

You have to sit through the "hilarious" speeches, which will only mean anything to the "in" lot. (and only ever some of them, some of the time)

If you're like me, you'll be wearing underwear which will start to chafe and make dancing a fantasy you'll never be able to partake in. And shoes hurt!

The photographs are interminable, and you're going to look like shit in all of them.

You have to slap on a smile and be positive about EVERYTHING to EVERYONE.

I've been to some lovely weddings, but for the most part, IMO: Make the most of watching Strictly with a bag of crisps in your pjs!

Chocolateteabag · 14/10/2015 00:11

Nope - quite often weddings can be awful! Dont be fooled by a picture!

Yes there are lots of lovely, well thought out weddings, but have a trawl on here and you will also find plenty of bad ones.

If you are only invited to 1 wedding make sure it's people you really care about and want to celebrate them getting married. Otherwise, it's a lot of your time to give up just to be "at a wedding" never in the cost of outfits/getting there/presents etc

The wedding industry does a very good job to sell us the idea that weddings are these amazing days and we are somehow "missing out" if we don't have xyz. When they really are just one day at the very start of what should be a long life together.

Chocolateteabag · 14/10/2015 00:13

Ooh yes and everything Fatmomma says too.

ijustwannadance · 14/10/2015 00:19

Come back in ten years after having to attend many boring and costly (outfit/hair/hotel/travel/gift) weddings. Then christenings. You really aren't missing out.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/10/2015 00:20

Honestly, I never post advice from the gimmer side, but seriously: you will not post this in 10 years time. Promise. By the time you are 36 you will be so. Over. Weddings.

I'm 44 and the second weddings are about to start....

SirRodneyEffing · 14/10/2015 00:22

There have been times when I would have preferred a summons for speeding through the post than a wedding invite. At least the speeding fine is fixed, whereas the costs of a wedding even for guests is uncapped

ilovesooty · 14/10/2015 00:26

Lucky escape I would have said.

VimFuego101 · 14/10/2015 00:30

FatMomma is right. You aren't missing anything.

riverboat1 · 14/10/2015 06:44

I felt like you, I think I was about 23 and had never been to a wedding, felt v wistful. I have a tiny family, which probably had a lot to do with it.

Now at 32 have been to quite a few, maybe 15-20? They all just started coming, and quite a few friends who had sworn they wouldn't get married/have big weddings suddenly changed their tune!

There is still time...

TheHouseOnTheLane · 14/10/2015 06:53

I've been to 4 weddings and I'm 43! 3 were my siblings' and 1 was my best friend.

I never get invited either. I don't care though....

EllyHigginbottom · 14/10/2015 06:59

One of your friends will get married, and then there will be an avalanche of weddings. Honestly.

Flossyfloof · 14/10/2015 07:03

Another vote here for other people's weddings being a huge yawn, you haven't missed anything.

Bunbaker · 14/10/2015 07:07

I haven't been to many weddings and I'm 56. I have a small family and lost touch with most of my old school friends when I moved away at 21. I think, also, when I was younger weddings tended to be family affairs and friends generally didn't get invited.

My experience of weddings is nothing like Fatmomma's, and I don't wear uncomfortable underwear.

I love weddings.

EponasWildDaughter · 14/10/2015 07:11

I've been to loads of weddings. (and bizarely loads and loads of funerals).

I went to a couple of weddings as a little kid, then nothing till my own (at 21). Then came all the friends and collegues weddings, plus my then inlaws weddings - most were in my 30s i think.

I've remarried and a couple of DHs siblings are about to remarry - so a few more to go to soon i recon.

My point is: there's loads of time yet OP, i'd only been to my own as an adult at your age. The treadmill of friends getting hitched hasn't quite kicked in yet.

SeaMagic · 14/10/2015 07:12

I understand how it feels to be 'left out' of those events or roles which are deemed highly meaningful by society.

I am 42 and have never been a bridesmaid. That is partly due to having a lot of single friends... and friends who have gotten married either decided not to have bridesmaids or had their sister/cousin/best friend do the honours.

So I understand why but I still feel I have missed out and am a bit embarrassed by it. Feels like a failing somehow, a significant life event that I have missed out on.

But otherwise OP I agree with PP that there will probably be an avalanche of weddings for you to attend in your 30s. I think it's more unusual for people to get married in their 20s nowadays [at least in my social circle]. So you most likely have all that to come!

Bunbaker · 14/10/2015 07:13

I have never been a bridesmaid either.

SeaMagic · 14/10/2015 07:17

Thanks Bunbaker... I often feel like I am the only one!

wigglesrock · 14/10/2015 07:26

When I was 26 the only wedding I'd been to was my own. I'm in my early 40s and have now been to quite a few, my friends got married in their 30s, I've a lot of younger relatives, same with my husband so we've been the older ones at their weddings . I didn't go to weddings as a child - kids just didn't go - no fuss no muss.

I've never been a bridesmaid either, my sister got married a few years ago and didn't have bridesmaids. I do like a good wedding though, I don't really get the angst about gifts, outfits, kids invited/not invited, remote locations, all the usual MN kerfuffle.

apinchofsugar · 14/10/2015 07:28

Some wedding are wonderful: simple, friendly, the bride and groom are lovely and so happy, everyone has a really great day, nice meal, nice evening dancing. I hope you go to one of those soon!

Unfortunately, you can have the misfortune of being invited to a show-off ridiculous affair: accommodation cost a fortune, the day is based around the photos not the actual event, so you just hang around for hours (and I mean hours!) whilst the bride poses with her nearest and dearest. The meal is tasteless, you have to pay for your own drinks because all the money went into the flowers (again, for the photos). People are bored, the bridesmaid are bitching about the bride, the couple is having its first argument ... It's such a wonderful day

It's sad but some people put so much pressure on the bloody day that it ends up being a wash down for everybody.

Savagebeauty · 14/10/2015 07:40

Apart from my brother's wedding, I've only been to two. And I'm 55!!
I dont go to them. Even family ones.

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2015 07:45

I had barely been to any weddings when I was 26, then all my friends got married. We are now 33 and still have one or two a year. I love weddings as I get to share someone's special day with them. Don't know why everyone on here hates them (or accepts the invitation if they hate them so much)

noisytoys · 14/10/2015 07:45

If you are in the South East I'm getting married next year I'd love to invite you

EponasWildDaughter · 14/10/2015 07:49

Bunbaker and SeaMagic i've never been a BM either :(

Really do fancy it! Chances are pretty slim now for me sadly though. My future wedding invites are going to be to very grown up paired down weddings (in laws) or, in a few years, as mother of the bride!

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