Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so guilty about my wages?

45 replies

myroxybackpack · 13/10/2015 23:36

After a couple of years of just about managing to make ends meet, I got a new job in August. I thought it would make such a difference to us but I'm looking through my bank statement tonight and I honestly can't sleep.

I've bought so much out of excitement to have money, I guess. New glasses (last got glasses in 2009) new clothes (last bought myself underwear 3 years ago), stuff for DD, but I just feel so guilty and stupid. I can't believe how silly I've been with money.

:(

OP posts:
RochelleGoyle · 13/10/2015 23:40

But have you spent so much you will now struggle for the rest of the month? If not, try not to feel guilty. It's fine to splurge when you've gone without for so long. Otherwise, just chalk it up to experience and don't punish yourself unnecessarily.

quicklydecides · 13/10/2015 23:42

Congratulations on your new job.
Don't panic, make out a budget from next month, and treat yourself whenever you want.
I lived in a poor African country for years and when I came home I, fit years and years, felt sick if I sieve money on non essentials.
It's a type of anxiety, that the money won't always be there.
So budget and plan your way forward.
Well done..

Reallybadday · 13/10/2015 23:44

Be kind to yourself. If things have been so tight that you haven't been able to buy new underwear or glasses then you haven't blown your first wage - you have just caught up on some necessary purchases.
You can start being more careful now and only spend a little extra if you have anything left at the end of the month.
Congratulations on the new job Smile

Original poster
myroxybackpack · 13/10/2015 23:44

As long as there are no unexpected costs we'll be okay. Just feel sick at the thought of so much money gone already :(

Yes, tomorrow I am going back to strict budgeting. Thank you.

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 13/10/2015 23:46

Meh, providing you've got all you need covered, got some of what you want. Life would be dull and drudgery of you didn't treat yourselves and those you love.

ModenaMan · 13/10/2015 23:49

Don't beat yourself up over it. Treating your self to things you have missed out on why not. You have a new job with better pay why not treat yourself.

Original poster
myroxybackpack · 13/10/2015 23:51

Thanks. Really must get some sleep!

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 13/10/2015 23:53

Can't see a thing... typing this with 3 1/2 year old glasses and aging eyes with a prescription that changes and needs updating at least yearly.

No idea what your post says, but all the best to you, and don't feel bad. Let the good times roll!

CharityBarnum · 13/10/2015 23:56

I think you always have to budget in some way shape or form. I'd work out how much I could reasonably spend / save weekly on the income of £10m and never go over if I was lucky enough to be in that position. I learned that the hard way and will never forget it.

What you have to do now is work your spending into the budget for the next few weeks or months until you are on an even keel with disposable income and then spend from what you have saved from it when you want or need to.

And yes, you have not been frivolous. Glasses are necessary.

Congratulations on your new job Thanks

seagreengirl · 14/10/2015 00:01

Don't spoil it by feeling guilty. This is the beginning of less money worries for you and your family. Go to bed, think of what you have bought with pleasure, and be a bit more careful next month.

lavenderhoney · 14/10/2015 00:04

Download YNAB.
And don't fret. It will be fine. Do the on line classss, enjoy your money.

Seeyounearertime · 14/10/2015 00:05

Everyone needs a treat, even when money is less than loose. Even we have a pack of biscuits occasionally an the other day we had a rhubarb crumble with custard! Crazy stuff. Smile

brokenhearted55a · 14/10/2015 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VimFuego101 · 14/10/2015 00:33

Those sound like essentials to me, not frivolous purchases.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2015 00:36

You didn't snort cocaine off Chippendales. Relax, breathe and sort your budget. WITH a line for some frivolous things.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/10/2015 00:58

Snort cocaine off Chippendales Grin

Don't feel bad OP, you bought essentials I would say! After I got my first salary after I went back to work after having DD, I am afraid I bought a designer handbag and a pair of Gucci sunglasses. I couldn't afford them and didn't feel guilty, I felt bloody great. Was a lot more careful thereafter. However, you can see the difference can't you?

Please don't lose sleep over this..and get back to a budget (with room for some enjoyment, after all life is for living) and don't fret about new knickers! Flowers

CupboardOfBacon · 14/10/2015 01:23

I hope you aren't being unreasonable because I have just done the same thing! New job, more money desperately needed new glasses and clothes. I understand the guilty feelings for buying things for yourself after budgeting so tightly and putting your needs last for so long. It will be fine. Congratulations on your new job Flowers

ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 14/10/2015 07:00

You're entitled to treat yourself and/or buy essentials.

Binkybix · 14/10/2015 07:04

Sounds fine to me. If you're worried about an unexpected expense keep the tag on clothes (not the pants obvs) so you can return if needed before next payday. I'm sure you won't need to though.

Well done on the new job!

Grazia1984 · 14/10/2015 07:17

This is the key for most of us. As our income goes up so does our spending If you can keep spending low and save the difference you tend to feel a lot better.

Lweji · 14/10/2015 07:25

You can put away a reasonable amount in savings as soon as you get your salary, and every month.

Then pay all bills and essencials and spend the rest on having fun and pleasure.
It will always be the case that some months we have to spend more, but I'd expect when the rush is gone you won't even find the need to spend it.

iloveeverykindofcat · 14/10/2015 07:48

I've done the same this month, and some of my purchases have been more frivolous than yours (nice haircut; travel tickets to see family). I think it's totally natural to breathe a sigh of relief and 'Ohthankgodi'mnotcompletelypooranymore'. Now that mid-month regret is setting in I second what lweji says - put aside essentials and something for my poor decimated savings at the start of the month, then allow self a 'fun and relaxation budget'. What's the point of working hard and more responsibility if you can't enjoy life a bit.

Kitsmummy · 14/10/2015 07:54

Meh, I got divorced a year ago after a long and loveless marriage and I have spent £200 on new contact lenses, £250 on underwear, £500 on clothes and £300 on hair removal (and I've lost over 2 stone too) Yes it's a huge splurge and can't continue but God it's felt good! It has to stop now for me, but don't regret this, you deserve a break!

HeighHoghItsBacktoWorkIGo · 14/10/2015 08:08

Just figure out how much you can save each month and start doing it next month. Once you know you have "paid yourself" straight away out of each paycheque for your rainy day fund, you won't have to feel guilty if there is something left over at the end of the month for a splurge. You won't be buying things like new glasses every month!

RedMapleLeaf · 14/10/2015 08:20

I just feel so guilty and stupid. I can't believe how silly I've been with money.

Those are strong and unkind words to use, ones a critical parent might say. Imagine a nurturing, loving friend. How might they describe your spending?

Swipe left for the next trending thread