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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so guilty about my wages?

45 replies

myroxybackpack · 13/10/2015 23:36

After a couple of years of just about managing to make ends meet, I got a new job in August. I thought it would make such a difference to us but I'm looking through my bank statement tonight and I honestly can't sleep.

I've bought so much out of excitement to have money, I guess. New glasses (last got glasses in 2009) new clothes (last bought myself underwear 3 years ago), stuff for DD, but I just feel so guilty and stupid. I can't believe how silly I've been with money.

OP posts:

Lurkedforever1 · 14/10/2015 08:20

Yabu to feel guilty for buying essentials and what I guess will be much deserved treats for your dd. Yes you should budget in future, but don't forget for probably the first year, if not longer you'll be playing catch up to some extent for the short years. I just did it the other way round after the first months splurge. So anything left on payday could be splurged on luxuries like a much needed pair of shoes for me, a cheap day out for dd, the luxury of throwing a pack of socks in the supermarket trolley etc. And when I got a much larger wage increase, I did similar with the first lot. Except that time a bit more luxurious, like taking dd and her friend to an amusement park. They still remember it now.

FishWithABicycle · 14/10/2015 08:24

It's OK to have a quick splurge but yes return to the frugal living you have been used to generally (except where you've been doing without essentials like glasses). Pretend the income increase never happened and in a year you'll suddenly find that you have savings!

Qwertybynature · 14/10/2015 08:29

If you're feeling really bad, is it too late to return some of things you have bought? You can always budget to buy them next month? Like everyone keeps has said, don't feel bad about treating yourself. I'm sure once you have worked out a budget you'll feel happier about the odd splurge.

Congratulations on the new job!

Qwertybynature · 14/10/2015 08:31

Keeps?! Else!

Jux · 14/10/2015 08:45

It's hardly surprising and a very normal reaction to sudden 'wealth'. All those things you've been bottling up the need for come tumbling out.

You'll be OK now

ItGoesWithoutSaying · 14/10/2015 08:46

I understand completely. We had a many years where DH's job seemed constantly under threat, I was part-time and we had young DCs. A couple of years ago I got a promotion and went full time. DH's job carred on and is a bit more secure.

The first 6 months I was spending the extra money constantly on stuff we had gone without. A broken wardrobe had been tolerated for years. Replaced. New clothes and shoes for DCs. Etc, etc.

Now I don't need to spend on these things so don't (well, not as much ) but am still constantly surprised when I'm not overdrawn at the end of a month.

Enjoy the new job and money.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 14/10/2015 08:46

Don't feel bad. I was 38 before I had any 'disposable' income and I went a bit mad at first treating myself to things that I had never been able to afford before, I think it's natural. Relax, you haven't over spent, you havent gone completely wild with it, youre allowed to take pleasure from your income.

KittiesInsane · 14/10/2015 08:51

One tip I heard is that when you have an increase in income, you should immediately arrange for part of it (I think they suggested a quarter?) to go into regular savings. That way you still have that 'Wow, more money!' feeling but without accidentally spending the lot.

Troubletutmill · 14/10/2015 09:08

I treated myself recently as I spent a week with my sister who I had not seen for two years. I did something as frivolous as pick a closed clam with a pearl inside , it cost £18. It was ridiculously exciting but I love pearls and I got a mahoosive one that I'm going to have set in a necklace once I have saved up.

I did freak out a bit when I realised how much I had spent like yourself but everyone deserves a treat sometimes. Plus your purchases were far more sensible than mine.

Flum · 14/10/2015 09:09

You earned the money, you spend the money.

Im know that sick feeling though. Best to spend only in cash... Then the bank statement is not a shock!

SheGotAllDaMoves · 14/10/2015 09:16

You're only talking a couple of pay checks, OP!

And I bet you needed new glasses and knickers!

However, you will want to make your money work for you in future. So onwards and upwards.

Poppiesway · 14/10/2015 09:16

I agree with flum! I don't like looking at my statement and seeing all the places I've spent money in lol.. But after going brought print outs of statements I've realised how much I'm frittering away. I've just finished paying off my student loans and no more childcare fees and have spare money.. We've had a lovely summer but I'm going to start saving that spare money now. Just in case.. Enjoy it though. I take pride in providing for my DC and enjoying things with them (no maintenance from their dad which is a separate thread)

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/10/2015 09:22

Now you've had your splurge, start saving a proportion of your salary in earnest as a buffer for any future hardship.

No need to feel guilty.

BiddyPop · 14/10/2015 09:24

You started the new job in Augus. It's only October - that's only a few paycheques. You have a bit of a backlog of things you sidelined that are now being able to be bought.

Whenever I get a payrise (no new jobs exactly but occasional payrises), I give myself one (or maybe a few depending on how much its needed) paycheque to get something nice to treat myself or deal with things that need dealing with. Then I increase my savings that gets taken straight from my paycheque into the credit union at work -as I have generally been managing OK even if not flush before the increase arrived. And I use those savings for holidays, Christmas, annual replenishing of the wardrobe in the sales, etc.

So the increase WILL make a difference to you al as a family. Even already you have been able to sort some things that were needed. And you will be able to have some fun stuff soon as well.

Original poster

myroxybackpack · 14/10/2015 09:38

You are all lovely. I snorted at the Chippendales

I bought a dress from Zara for myself. It was £75(!) and it's beautiful. Thank you all for being so supportive.

OP posts:

babybat · 14/10/2015 09:42

Another one who's been there - after having redundancy looming over my job, then moving to a fixed term contract, when I eventually got a more secure job I did relax a bit too much with the spending at first. Don't beat yourself up - you'll find a good equilibrium where you're saving but not having to continually to say no to essential things. It'll be okay.

Toughasoldboots · 14/10/2015 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lurkedforever1 · 14/10/2015 09:49

Should have added once I had a bit more money I budgeted for some basics/ replacements each month that previously had to be ignored. And that stands me in good stead even now when it's not urgent replacements of underwear. Eg I planned a year in advance to gut dds room as this years splurge budget as starting secondary is the usual time to need a more teen than child room.

RedMapleLeaf · 14/10/2015 10:27

Do you really feel that new underwear in three years is that outrageous or a pair of glasses in six is extravagant? I'm wondering what's at the bottom of all of this.

Skiptonlass · 14/10/2015 10:36

I totally understand. I was skit for years and when I got my present job I covered the expenses for the month and then deliberately went out and spent some cash on myself. New glasses, new coat etc. It felt fantastic.

After that first month or so I then started to save in earnest.

No need to feel guilty for doing this for a short time - now work out how much you can save a month and start socking some money away.

The guilt at spending anything is harder to shift. I bought dh a cake and a card on his birthday shortly after and cried when I realised I'd spent more on that than I'd had to live off a week before.

Congrats on the job :)

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