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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another kids party one!!

70 replies

kappadelta · 13/10/2015 10:06

DD brought home an invite to another girls party in her class last night. Unfortunately it's the same date and time as my DD's and the invites are going into school in the morning.
What would you do?

OP posts:
KitZacJak · 13/10/2015 10:42

Just seen you invited the girl. That is out of order then but there is not a lot you can do about it. She will look bad, not you, at least!!! Will you have enough of your daughter's friends there to make it a good party or are you considering changing the date?

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 13/10/2015 10:44

I think you need to speak to the other mum. See if you can combine parties. It's all going to get very muddled otherwise.

InTheBox · 13/10/2015 10:44

Yabu for doing a reverse. You could have outlined this in the OP.

But I think the other mother is being unreasonable as she should have spoken to you. As her dd was invited she clearly knew about yours.

Are you still able to rearrange or have most people declined? I'd go with what was said upthread and do a pizza/cinema trip with 4 of her actual friends.

LucyBabs · 13/10/2015 10:44

kappa Have you had any "issues" with this mother? It seems a very odd thing to do if she knew your dd was having a party. I'd never go ahead and send invites knowing my child was invited to a party on the same day Confused

Original poster
kappadelta · 13/10/2015 10:49

Lucy - I was just going to say the same thing about Broken, what a shitty thing to do ??

I've had 3 out of 15 rsvp and the other child was invited.

OP posts:
LifeIsChaos · 13/10/2015 10:49

how old are the dc? If it's a full class party it seems as if the other mother saw your invitation and got hers out as quickly as she could, leaving out your dc knowing her party is at the same time so she wouldn't be able to come. She's hoping that her invitation trumps yours. Very mean spirited.

Have you had any replies yet?

LatinForTelly · 13/10/2015 10:50

I think the other mother has been a bit out of order as your invitations went out first. I'd try to have a word with her, and see if anything can be done (is hers easier to move, for example). If she isn't helpful and the children your DD really wants have accepted this other party, then I'd rearrange your DD's party.

Blinkinwinkin · 13/10/2015 10:50

That's a hard one. It could be that the other mother has already sent out a "save the date" email to the parents of the dcs invited?

I know I have sent out such an email this year and had lots of positive responses already, but I have not yet sent the paper invites into school, but the parents of the children invite have it in their diaries already?

Original poster
kappadelta · 13/10/2015 10:51

Lucy - no issues with any of the mums, I say hello and I hope I'm pleasant but don't have time when I do the school run to chat.

OP posts:
nilbyname · 13/10/2015 10:53

Very naughty to do a reverse!

Speak to the other mum. It's the only way. Put your dd 1st but don't make a point about it. The other mum may well be a by scatty and didn't really clock there was a clash.

LatinForTelly · 13/10/2015 10:53

oh and yes, Broken, that is utterly shitty. Your poor DD. Some people really are dreadful.

Toughasoldboots · 13/10/2015 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenvases · 13/10/2015 10:54

Lucy the remaining two childrens were twins whos Mum I knew fairly well and had told them they were not allowed to change however i was forced to cancel dds party as it had minimum numbers. She went bowling and for pizza with the twins at an earlier time so the twins could do both parties and has never had a party since.

Original poster
kappadelta · 13/10/2015 10:54

Blink - we aren't a school where parents email addresses are shared. The little ones are only 5 and this is my daughters first party.

OP posts:
Whoknewitcouldbeso · 13/10/2015 10:56

Then it sounds like it's going to be a popularity contest then which is a real shame.

brokenvases · 13/10/2015 10:57

Sorry for the awful grammar in my last post. I am on my phone.

HearTheThunderRoar · 13/10/2015 10:58

Could you do a joint party? We did one years ago for DD's 7th as both girls were born days apart and wanted a similar party (pool, then McDonalds) with the same friends, obviously this was organised in advanced but it might still be doable. It was great, halved the cost and I had someone to share the load.

Maybe the mum couldn't cancel the party. It's a real tricky situation.

Original poster
kappadelta · 13/10/2015 10:58

Well I've just been on the phone to the venue and have changed the date, now just need to print off new invites.

OP posts:
DoJo · 13/10/2015 11:00

That's very good of you - more than the other mother deserves, but definitely better for all the children involved...!

LifeIsChaos · 13/10/2015 11:02

I would see if you can change your Dd party for her and the invitees sake. I know my 5 year old would be gutted to miss a party and would keep changing his mind which party he would want to go to.

Issue revised invitations and seethe inside.

nilbyname · 13/10/2015 11:02

kappa that's a really good simple solution. Be sure to talk to the mum though!

Hope your dd has a brilliant birthday party!

broken your poor dd, but I bet she still had a lovely day. Some people have no shame, how horrible.

LifeIsChaos · 13/10/2015 11:03

Ah cross post!

Well done for being the bigger person. Now write something pa on the other mothers invite Grin

steppemum · 13/10/2015 11:05

I think you did the right thing.

The other mum should have changed, but seeing as how she didn't the best is just to move yours so your dd has all her friends.

Hope she has a good party

Original poster
kappadelta · 13/10/2015 11:06

Thanks everyone, the printer has ran out of ink, the invites look shit. Should I invoice the other mum for replacement ink ??

OP posts:
Tokelau · 13/10/2015 11:07

Broken That's awful, I feel sorry for your DD.

I know on Mumsnet that the accepted etiquette is that if you have accepted an invitation, then you don't change your mind if you get a 'better offer', and I agree with this. However, I'm not sure how true this is in real life. Some parents agree with it certainly, but I know some of the parents in my DD's primary school just let their kids dictate where they were going and what they were doing, with no thought for other people who had arranged a party.