to ask how you handle someone who is constantly pleading poverty...

[ssd]

when you know they are far from skint? I mean you really know, not you just guessed or seen a new car in their drive or something. I know someone who constantly says she is skint, but I know shes not, please dont ask how I know I dont want to out myself.

how do you reply to their constant moaning?

I was once tartly told by a colleague that having to take equity out of your house (i.e. increasing the mortgage) was not the same as being skint. She was quite right, and I appreciate her saying so (she was a good enough friend to deliver home truths).

It is very annoying to make pleas of poverty when you are not poor, you just haven't got or don't want to spend disposable income.

In your case OP it isn't just inappropriate language is it, it's misrepresenting the situation to claim you haven't got money when really you have.

I would just tell her straight-it is up to her what choices she makes about her spending, but you don't want to hear her complain about them. Spend it or don't spend it, it is up to you, just please don't complain to me.

That approach works a lot better than appearing to judge her choices.

I agree it can be irritating. I had a friend at work like this. She was constantly huffing that she needed the overtime and needed more money because she was getting a new kitchen, bathroom, brand new car, new house. She knew my husband was out of work at the time, too. I suppose it seemed beyond tactful at the time but a lot was to do with the frame of mind I was in as well. I don't know if I'd have preferred her to say 'look at me, I'm really stacked.' That wouldn't have gone down well at all!

I'd ignore her, just change the subject and don't indulge her in her need to discuss her finances.

Of course it's worth remembering that everything is relative and she might be poorer than she's used to being: however that doesn't mean you have to listen to her moaning about it. Other people's finances are very boring, whether they are rich or poor.

It is inherited money though ...
I have some inherited money. It doesn't feel like mine - it is 'family money' I feel like I should make sure that I hold onto it to help my DCs out- whether it be with university costs or a deposit for a house etc.
Also I try and live on my income - and I guess I can spend maybe the interest but not touch the 'capital'. If I needed something - a new appliance etc and I didn't have the money for it I would use it - I wouldn't 'suffer' but if the alternative was to borrow money and pay interest it makes more financial sense to use it. I am cautious about spending it on non essentials. Once it has gone it has gone - I don't want to fritter it away. Constantly overspending and it will go and you will have little to show for it. My family have helped me out - so I need to be able to do the same for my DCs.
I wouldn't say I was skint though - but I might make some comment about I have spent too much...and have to cut back.

Op I know where your coming from, have relative like this and its so annoying! Loads of savings and properties but acts like pauper scribbling over 20p's and things like that, v annoying.

agree george

I had a friend who did this a lot. And then seemed genuinely surprised when I would tell them I couldn't afford to do something when they decided they wanted to on a whim.

One time they suggested had I not gone out the week before I could have afforded it. That was true but I'm not psychic. Two days later she was complaining that she couldn't do lunch with someone because she was skint. Apparently as I wouldn't do the activity with her she decided to treat herself to a new ipad.

Oddly, this is not one of the reasons we're not friends any more!

Friend or not Id find a way to diplomatically (or very bluntly!) tell her I find constant conversation about money very wearing so could she please just stop? Thank you.

I can't stand people who see a friend as a sponge to absorb moaning. Its enough to make me cut links with someone its so rude.

I had an ex long ago who was the same and I had to bin him. He had 2 jobs but was forever pleading skint. He saved money hard but never went on holiday or treated himself...his DCs asking him for money set him off into a tantrum he got on my nerves. Looking back I suppose there must have been some issue in his past which made him very fearful of not having a lot of money to hand. But, sorry...I wasnt about to commit to a life with Mr Meany Moaner Misery. & I wouldnt put up with that kind of brain bombardment from a friend either

TBH I dont see this friend very much, its just when I do see her the constant oh we're skint really does my head in

I put a lot of my wages into
Savings and then say I'm skint I just don't want to fritter it away!

Surely it depends what you get out of your friendship with this person?

Actual friend whose friendship you value: either ignore, or make a mild comment along the lines of "but you're not really skint are you? Not compared to (name a mutual acquaintance who is genuinely hard up"

Acquaintance who irritates you: avoid, or at least limit the amount of time you spend with them