to ask how you handle someone who is constantly pleading poverty...

[ssd]

when you know they are far from skint? I mean you really know, not you just guessed or seen a new car in their drive or something. I know someone who constantly says she is skint, but I know shes not, please dont ask how I know I dont want to out myself.

how do you reply to their constant moaning?

[Mistigri]

Surely it depends what you get out of your friendship with this person?

Actual friend whose friendship you value: either ignore, or make a mild comment along the lines of "but you're not really skint are you? Not compared to (name a mutual acquaintance who is genuinely hard up"

Acquaintance who irritates you: avoid, or at least limit the amount of time you spend with them

[ballerinabelle]

I put a lot of my wages into
Savings and then say I'm skint I just don't want to fritter it away!

[ssd]

TBH I dont see this friend very much, its just when I do see her the constant oh we're skint really does my head in

[MistressDeeCee]

Friend or not Id find a way to diplomatically (or very bluntly!) tell her I find constant conversation about money very wearing so could she please just stop? Thank you.

I can't stand people who see a friend as a sponge to absorb moaning. Its enough to make me cut links with someone its so rude.

I had an ex long ago who was the same and I had to bin him. He had 2 jobs but was forever pleading skint. He saved money hard but never went on holiday or treated himself...his DCs asking him for money set him off into a tantrum he got on my nerves. Looking back I suppose there must have been some issue in his past which made him very fearful of not having a lot of money to hand. But, sorry...I wasnt about to commit to a life with Mr Meany Moaner Misery. & I wouldnt put up with that kind of brain bombardment from a friend either

[sparkleup]

I had a friend who did this a lot. And then seemed genuinely surprised when I would tell them I couldn't afford to do something when they decided they wanted to on a whim.

One time they suggested had I not gone out the week before I could have afforded it. That was true but I'm not psychic. Two days later she was complaining that she couldn't do lunch with someone because she was skint. Apparently as I wouldn't do the activity with her she decided to treat herself to a new ipad.

Oddly, this is not one of the reasons we're not friends any more!

[DrasticAction]

agree george

[DrasticAction]

Op I know where your coming from, have relative like this and its so annoying! Loads of savings and properties but acts like pauper scribbling over 20p's and things like that, v annoying.

[unlucky83]

It is inherited money though ...
I have some inherited money. It doesn't feel like mine - it is 'family money' I feel like I should make sure that I hold onto it to help my DCs out- whether it be with university costs or a deposit for a house etc.
Also I try and live on my income - and I guess I can spend maybe the interest but not touch the 'capital'. If I needed something - a new appliance etc and I didn't have the money for it I would use it - I wouldn't 'suffer' but if the alternative was to borrow money and pay interest it makes more financial sense to use it. I am cautious about spending it on non essentials. Once it has gone it has gone - I don't want to fritter it away. Constantly overspending and it will go and you will have little to show for it. My family have helped me out - so I need to be able to do the same for my DCs.
I wouldn't say I was skint though - but I might make some comment about I have spent too much...and have to cut back.

[DurhamDurham]

I'd ignore her, just change the subject and don't indulge her in her need to discuss her finances.

Of course it's worth remembering that everything is relative and she might be poorer than she's used to being: however that doesn't mean you have to listen to her moaning about it. Other people's finances are very boring, whether they are rich or poor.

[gandalf456]

I agree it can be irritating. I had a friend at work like this. She was constantly huffing that she needed the overtime and needed more money because she was getting a new kitchen, bathroom, brand new car, new house. She knew my husband was out of work at the time, too. I suppose it seemed beyond tactful at the time but a lot was to do with the frame of mind I was in as well. I don't know if I'd have preferred her to say 'look at me, I'm really stacked.' That wouldn't have gone down well at all!

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

I was once tartly told by a colleague that having to take equity out of your house (i.e. increasing the mortgage) was not the same as being skint. She was quite right, and I appreciate her saying so (she was a good enough friend to deliver home truths).

It is very annoying to make pleas of poverty when you are not poor, you just haven't got or don't want to spend disposable income.

In your case OP it isn't just inappropriate language is it, it's misrepresenting the situation to claim you haven't got money when really you have.


I would just tell her straight-it is up to her what choices she makes about her spending, but you don't want to hear her complain about them. Spend it or don't spend it, it is up to you, just please don't complain to me.

That approach works a lot better than appearing to judge her choices.

[Unreasonablebetty]

I also know people who are "skint" with part ownership of about 6 houses that are rentals (mortgage free so they get 1/3 of the rental income)
Fully own another rental property, and has a cushy job probably paying over £55k per year, two new cars from his parents business and had a lot of help to buy their house

These people tell us just how poor they are ALL the time.
It's very annoying.

[Gottagetmoving]

She says she is skint - you know she is not - What is there to handle?

Just ignore it. Why does it bother you?

Some people feel insecure about money however much they have - or they worry about not having anything. Perhaps she is like that - but whatever it is, can't you just find it amusing instead of getting annoyed?

[Babyroobs]

Yesterday I listened to a colleauge moan about how her husband had no work, she has new baby on the way( already has 2 ), doesn't know how they are going to cope financially etc. Straight after this moan, she announces she has been looking for holidays for school holidays next summer and wants to book something but can't find anything under £4k and what on earth will they do !

[noeffingidea]

It depends. If they were moaning at me because I could afford lunch then I'd probably set them straight. If they were just moaning about themselves I'd just change the subject.

[colourdilemma]

All of what I'm about to say comes with a caveat of people make their own choices but...
Recently, we have been extremely cash poor because of building work being a lot more expensive than expected. I am unable to go out much and I have explained this to my lovely friends and tend to have coffee at each others houses for now. However, I explain this as being tediously cash poor rather than skint because we have largelt made choices that benefit us (extension) which admittedly hit us harder than expected. Truly skint? Not at all. And I in no way expect my friends to slow down their social lives or spending because I can't. They aren't benefitting from our extension.
I find it very difficult to hear people who are asset rich and having a fairly nice lifestyle describing temporary cash flow issues as "skint".
I do also find it hard when another friend describes herself as skint as she is a saver. Again, she's entitled to do as she pleases with her money but moaning about being skint while enjoying a cushion of financial security is a bit rich too.

[LoveAnchor]

I think different people mean different things when it comes to being skint, and that's kind of normal. I'm guessing the person in question is complaining that she doesn't have the discipline to cut down on luxuries / save, or that she doesn't earn enough to afford to have lunches out of her salary (as opposed to out of inheritance). I would explore what she means by saying something like 'Don't you feel like you too can afford lunches? Why not?'

[bettyberry]

ragwort thats me too! I choose to buy cheaper/charity items rather than spend a fortune. I repair rather than throw out and replace. If I get bored of something I update it rather than go and buy something sparkly.

People think I am loaded because we have things to do here every weekend when the reality is I am signed up to several local events newsletters so I can find all the Free ones! local library and museums run lots of free kids events and it looks like I spend a lot when I spend nothing.

I am loaded but not in the monetary sense.

OP just say nothing. as frustrating as it is people like this sometimes just like to revel in the drama of it even though theyre not broke.

Although if it was me I'd be blunt and tell her where she can get good budgeting advice so she wasn't 'broke'

[Ragwort]

I think the only response is to 'smile and nod' - nothing you can say will really make anyone listen - everyone chooses to spend their money differently (if you are lucky enough to have a choice of course). My DB & SIL are constantly moaning about how hard up they are - yet I know they earn more than DH and I (because they complained they had 'lost' child benefit) yet they spend on holidays abroad, new car every couple of years, latest phones, designer fashion, frequent meals out etc etc - they could easily choose to spend less yet the look on their faces when I commented that I buy all our clothes from charity shops was priceless.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

"Well you could buy lunch too if you wanted. But you don't. So please stop pretending you're skint as an excuse - just tell the truth! It's a bit embarrassing."

[ghostspirit]

i think it depends on how people mean it. i have money in my bank i make sure got food paid bills. then i buy xmas presents. then i will say just bought xmas presents skint now ffs! which wuld mean i have about a tenner in my bank but i dont care because i have done what i need to.

then i know a couple of people who moan they are skint and start with the can you leant me...erm no !

[Quornmakesmefart]

I would just do a huge fake yawn and start talking about something else.

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

ssd you know, I would say something, or distance yourself. Complaining about your own circumstances is one thing, but telling your friend who you know to be considerably worse off than you how lucky they are to be able to afford lunch out is taking the piss.

The next time she says it, just reply 'what do you mean by that', and wait. And watch her flounder.

[StillYummy]

I often say I am skint so I can't go out to dinner, get a new outfit etc. Basically for me it means being aware of what I have and spending it on what I want/need, not that I am off to the food bank. So if I don't want to go for dinner but I do want my nails done I may say I am to skint for the former.