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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect him to do more about his snoring?

38 replies

Hansolosyoyo · 13/10/2015 00:04

We live in a tiny house that I believe to be made of rice paper. My partner snores. If he goes to bed first I can hear him snoring from our living room & I get THE FEAR #dundundun. It makes me dread going to bed. I wear earplugs despite an allergy to latex and silicone (what luck, eh?) to try to dampen the sound but I still hear it & even worse I can feel it vibrating through our mattress. There isn't enough space for me to sleep elsewhere or to have single beds (even if we could afford them). He does have some physical anomaly that causes him to snore but he refuses to wear the specially made mouth guard the doctors gave him as it hurts him & freaks him out. I'm made to feel like a nag for raising the issue with him & he makes such a fuss if I try to turn him into his side where at least the snoring doesn't cause the bed to vibrate. In reality I'm lying here in such a rage from yet another night of lack of sleep that my pacifist beliefs can get to France! I know he can't help it but am I being unreasonable to expect him to try to do something about it when dr's have already tried to help & he refuses it? The only good night'some sleep I've had in 8 years are when he's on night shift and that isn't often. I'm demented here :,(

OP posts:
WiIdfire · 13/10/2015 00:09

If it were me, I would be tempted to wake him anytime he was snoring and I was awake until he got the point. But thats probably terrible advice.

LineyReborn · 13/10/2015 00:10

Of course he should do something. Sleep deprivation is awful.

If he can't cope with the mouth guard he needs to go back to his GP. If he won't, you've got a massive problem. Well, you know that. It's a bugger, isn't it?

StarkyTheDirewolf · 13/10/2015 00:11

Smother him.

LineyReborn · 13/10/2015 00:14

I hate it when snorey people get all pissy when you try to tell them they're snoring.

Themodernuriahheep · 13/10/2015 00:21

Does he suddenly stop and then start again? If so it could be sleep apnoea which can be dangerous. I finally persuaded DH to go to the dr and they tested him. Severe SA. Now wears a mask. Hideous but he sleeps without snoring and I sleep too.

Original poster
Hansolosyoyo · 13/10/2015 00:27

"smother him"
Oh I've thought of it. When I feel particularly mischievous /aggrieved I do hold his nose then deny all knowledge :-/

Cue lots of shouting at me.... I know it's wrong

He doesn't have sleep apnoea - he was tested and had to wear a contraption for a night or two that recorded his breathing & movements that the sleep clinic gave him.

OP posts:
PitilessYank · 13/10/2015 00:27

If you fall asleep first, are you able to stay asleep, or does he still wake you up?

PitilessYank · 13/10/2015 00:28

My husband snores a bit but never complains when I roll him onto his side.

TheFuzz · 13/10/2015 00:35

Weight ? Is he a big lad.

I don't snore but sleep more or less permanently on the settee which is way to short. I have a bad chronic pain issue which keeps me awake so I go out of the way. Best one of us not sleeping as I won't in a comfy bed. Not easy being out of the house at work 11 hours a day then getting no sleep on a settee. That's life.

sadwidow28 · 13/10/2015 00:39

My late husband was the world's worst snorer (got punched in the nose when a young copper and it turned a bone side-ways so he had to breathe through his mouth). When we camped, people would beg the site owner to let them move their tents to another plot Grin. If we stayed at anyone's house they would be walking the floor at 3am because he almost rattled the windows. When we first got married I taped him from the bottom of the stairs and he accused me of 'shoving the microphone next to him' (he wouldn't believe just how loud it was).

Somehow over the 25 years I learned how to fall asleep even though he snored as soon as hit head hit the pillow. But there were nights I had tears of frustration, exasperation and sleep deprivation.

But...... when he died, the thing I missed ..... was the snoring! I had to get a tape recording of someone else snoring so that I could play it to drop off to sleep. (I kid you not!) Grin

PitilessYank · 13/10/2015 00:45

Fuzz, can't you get yourself a nice futon mattress on which to sleep? (It can be folded in half and put to the side during the day). The settee has to be worsening your pain...

PitilessYank · 13/10/2015 00:47

I must admit I have also been known to hold my husband's nose on occasion...Blush

chopsychoo · 13/10/2015 01:16

YANBU I'm currently on the sofa as my DH jumps in his sleep. It's like sleeping next to a demented frog and unless I'm asleep first there's no chance of me falling asleep with him jumping every 30 seconds Angry

DawnOfTheDoggers · 13/10/2015 01:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/10/2015 01:36

Snoring is not his fault. The getting pissy, refusing to wear the mouth-guard, getting annoyed when asked to roll over, that makes him unreasonable. Why does he think your sleep is less important than his?

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 13/10/2015 02:57

I'm currently wide awake lying seething next to a loud snoring man. It's awful. I'm exhausted all the time. My DH won't do anything about it, gp told him to lose weight but he "can't be arsed with all that" he has had mouth guards, sprays, the lot, he just doesn't bother. Believe me ive considered divorce over it...

tanukiton · 13/10/2015 03:10

there is a snoring app you can get. I got it after telling my dh that his snoring had gotten bad. He didnt believe how loud it was or how often. He usually drinks 2 cans of beer before bed so i think it is that. He still wont do anything about it and i find it really selfish.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 13/10/2015 21:44

I once tried to bite DH's nose off in my sleep. I was having a bad dream, poor bloke.

Junosmum · 13/10/2015 22:10

I'm with dawnofthedaggers- I become violent if I don't have enough sleep and snoring REALLY irritates me. I often sleep in the other room. At one point I did it for 2 weeks. Oh hates it when I'm in the spare room, he likes the intimacy of sharing a bed. It got him to take me seriously though, he still snores but not as badly and turning him over helps.

eversoslightlytired · 13/10/2015 22:25

Ooh you could be me! It's very rare that me and my husband are in the same bed. One of us is usually on the settee (to be fair my settee is REALLY comfortable!). They only time I sleep in the bed with him is if we have a rare night out and I've had a few cos I know I will then sleep!

In fact I am downstairs and can hear him snoring upstairs as I type. He is borderline sleep apnoea and snores no matter what position he is in. I HATE snoring!

Coffeemorris · 13/10/2015 22:51

Sounds just like my husband. He wakes me and my daughter up with his snoring and gets all huffy when I wake him up and tell him to ROLL OVER AND FFS FACE THE OTHER WAY!!!! If I'm really pissed off I just kick him and point at the wall. Even my daughter (3y) will say "sleep daddy" and nod of again. He has apnea but refuses to believe me. He's too big for me to roll him over. We all sleep in one bedroom as that's all we have.

Original poster
Hansolosyoyo · 13/10/2015 23:56

There's something quite heartening to know I'm not alone. My mother shakes the entire house with her snoring. She's rather rotund (putting it politely) but can't motivate herself to lose the weight. Her attitude is "I'm asleep so it doesn't bother me" - then she gets upset that I won't go away on spa weekends with her (she offers to pay) because I can't share a room with her. I am autistic so am sensitive to noise anyway but I defy anyone to sleep with the racket she produces. Puts my oh to shame!

OP posts:
Asteria36 · 14/10/2015 00:16

You have my sympathy. I have fibromyalgia, so good sleep is really important to me. I had 3 years of getting progressively worse because I never managed to hit deep sleep due to his thrashing, shouting, moving around the room and snoring so badly. He finally realised that my being sick with exhaustion every morning and so unwell that I cannot work is not a fair trade off for the intimacy of sharing a bed. We are getting twin beds as soon as we can afford to but in the meantime he is in the spare room.
I found nagging was no use, but the second I broke down and displayed total despair DH realised he was being a selfish cockwomble

whois · 14/10/2015 00:26

I'm all seriousness, if I had a DH who snores and wouldn't do anything about it, and I didn't have a house with a spare bedroom I could move into, I think I would have to consider separation.

You can't be subject to sleep deprivation because he is too stubborn to try and solve the snoring.

Have you tried holding his nose so he wakes up? You could pretend to be asleep so he doesn't realise why he is waking up... Or getting something pointy and reasonably sharp but not actually going to caue damage like the heel of some high heeled shoes and digging them in his fat to try and get him to roll over.

Snoring isn't really the issue. Not willing to engage and work towards a solution and being a twat to you if you wake him is the issue. Doesn't make him sound like a nice man.

SniffsandSneezes · 14/10/2015 01:25

Ladies, I feel your pain. Between my DP's richter-scale snoring and the demon child in the flat above mine who, until recently, used to scream for hours in the middle of the night I thought I was seriously going to lose my shit.

Then I discovered these bad boys which I picked up in my local pharmacy- I'd tried foam earplugs before but they'd just popped out of my ears, but these are amazing!! I just roll them in the palm of my hand with my thumb until they're narrow, like a golf tee, pop them in my ears and when they expand I enjoy feeling of the volume being turned down on all the noise.

Seriously, best £3.95 or whatever it was that I've ever spent! DP is also happy as I'm no longer constantly elbowing him in the ribs at night Grin