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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by so called work mates

30 replies

Dinkiedoo · 11/10/2015 20:21

I worked as an agency nurse at one place for three years. I thought I had made some friends .
I always supported and helped fellow workers and gave to collections etc etc.
I left on Friday and only 2 people showed up . No card no nothing just a fe people ringing to say they would miss me.
I am hurt by this treatment.
Am I over sensitive or just a no mark that no one gives a shit about ?

OP posts:
NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 11/10/2015 21:38

No, YANBU. That is crap. Maybe the people whose collections you gave to are your friends, but they've left. I wouldn't say anything though I don't think - move on.

Purplepoodle · 11/10/2015 21:42

I'd be hurt - were u paid more as an agency nurse? Some hard feelings because of this?

sykadelic · 11/10/2015 21:47

I've felt the same as you OP.

I've come to this conclusion OP: People are extremely selfish and nice people are a dying breed and often walked over.

Headagainstwall · 11/10/2015 21:47

I worked somewhere for 2 years, had put a fiver in for every collection going for every fucking birthday, wedding, leaving, baby etc for everyone. EVERYone. Then when I was made redundant, whilst pregnant, no one got me a card and there wasn't even a little goodbye speech or anything. I genuinely thought I was going to get to the door and then turn around and it'd be a joke, but no, nothing. I cried walking down the street.

YANBU, OP. Fuck those fucking fuckers.

Shakey15000 · 11/10/2015 21:47

That's hurtful.

I had a contract end after three years and didn't even get a card.

PurplePoppy17 · 11/10/2015 21:49

This happened to me when I left my last job, I was really upset. I was constantly organising birthday presents and leaving presents for friends and I mean like vouchers or jewellery ect, then when I left I git a £5 bunch of flowers from the shop round the corner with a little card. It's really hurtful isn't it?! The effort and thought that I put into others and I feel like they just got mine last minute. It's the though that counts I suppose but I think they could have at least thought a little more about it. I still speak to most of the girls and have never really mentioned it but I'm sure they seen it in my face on the day. Sad

Jo4040 · 11/10/2015 21:56

Here...have a leaving present if us MNetters....Flowers Cake Wine

Muskey · 11/10/2015 21:56

I worked for a company for 23 years I was not given a card or anything and on my last day my boss gave me a ton of work to do before my leaving do. Needless to say I didn't do it. The flip side I volunteered for a charity for three years and when I left they sent me the biggest bunch of flowers I have ever received. I guess I know who valued me the most. Please try not to be upset by this sometimes people do not know the value or worth of people.

CookieDoughKid · 11/10/2015 22:02

YANBU to feel crap but at the end of the day, they are just work colleagues - not your friends. They're not going to be interested in keeping in touch with you after you leave. Leave it as that and look forward to the next place you'll be working at!

Hellochicken · 11/10/2015 22:22

Yanbu to be upset, it's nice some people told you that you will be missed.

BoffinMum · 11/10/2015 22:23

My worst one was when i came in for my last day as usual, my security card didn't work, I went into my office only to find they had already given my desk to someone else, my stuff was jammed into a cardboard box on the floor, and the cow I worked with basically marched me to the lift with me holding my box making it looked like I had been sacked (which I most emphatically hadn't).

To be fair our joint boss (who had been away at the time) found out nobody had done anything and personally sent me a nice bunch of flowers a week later, but I still think it was pretty nasty of my colleague to do that (nobody else had organised anything either). I think our boss had expected her to make arrangements to give me a send off and she deliberately or neglectfully hadn't.

There is another part to this story.

A few years later we both went back to work for the same employer again! Without realising the other one was there! I told the SLT to keep her out of my way and to give them credit I haven't had many dealings with her. My career's rather taken off and hers hasn't, largely I think because she finds it so difficult to work with other women and people don't like her much.

Karma, innit.

KERALA1 · 11/10/2015 22:29

It's work though. Surprised how emotionally invested people (sorry but almost always women) get in their work place.

serin · 11/10/2015 22:32

That's awful Dinkydoo.

I am thinking along the lines of Purplepoodle, we recently had a collection for a locum and quite a few people put tiny amounts in saying "well she's been paid enough hasn't she". I think there is quite a bit of resentment towards agency staff in some workplaces.

serin · 11/10/2015 22:32

That's awful Dinkydoo.

I am thinking along the lines of Purplepoodle, we recently had a collection for a locum and quite a few people put tiny amounts in saying "well she's been paid enough hasn't she". I think there is quite a bit of resentment towards agency staff in some workplaces.

HelicopterDick · 11/10/2015 22:36

I wouldn't take it personally. Where I work, fuss over people leaving/getting married/having babies is very hit and miss, and just depends on whether they are good friends with an "organiser" who thinks to start a collection etc. Not dependent on how much people like or value them.

It does sting though. Just stick a pound into collections from now on or dodge them

BlinkAndMiss · 11/10/2015 22:37

YANBU, that's awful. Those people don't deserve your friendship or one further minute of your head space. I've also learned recently that work colleagues are just that, they are most definitely not friends just because you spend the most hours out of your days with them.

I had a baby, was signed off sick at 35 weeks and spent a long time in hospital. My colleagues have only seen the baby when I took him to a mutual friend's party, they didn't even get me a card. I've been there 10 years and I did consider them friends, I've given to every collection going and I've never had anything back. I would only want acknowledgement in return!

Try not to let it upset you any further, it's crap but a lot of us have been there.

TheExMotherInLaw · 11/10/2015 22:40

Hmm, know what you mean. It sucks.
I volunteer at a parent and baby group (ok, that's me outed to anyone irl).
I organised collections for the lead volunteer at Christmas, and she got the rest of us some flowers. Now I am lead organiser, I dutifully get something for the other volunteers- and nobody does anything for me, apart from one mum who gave me a pretty plant last year. (and it's still alive) I don't do it for presents, but hell, it would be nice to have had some acknowledgement for my efforts!

Gabilan · 11/10/2015 22:56

"Surprised how emotionally invested people (sorry but almost always women) get in their work place."

Weird, isn't it? Spend a large part of your waking life there, your livelihood depends on it, you make contact with actual human beings who you sort of think might act half-way decently. So odd that anyone might get a bit involved.

cdtaylornats · 11/10/2015 23:07

We never did anything other than a drink for a contractor leaving, apart from anything else they could be back in 6 months.

Lizawithaz · 11/10/2015 23:23

Lol at Gabilan. Grin

Jeffreythegiraffe · 11/10/2015 23:32

You said you are agency, did you work there full time for those three years? Some places have lots of agency, I never see the same ones from one shift to the next.

ToadsforJustice · 12/10/2015 00:03

It's shit isn't it. After leaving a job I loved, I didn't get a goodbye or sod all. I moved on and so now every time I'm asked to to contribute to birthdays/leaving/baby etc, I refuse and out a fiver in a tin. By the time I retire I will have hundreds of £.

Viviennemary · 12/10/2015 00:11

That's tough. But rightly or wrongly it may have something to do with you being agency staff so they don't colelct. Which is cheeky if they've asked you to give to their collections. No card or nothing is really mean. Horrible bunch!! Don't dwell on it just move on.

brokenhearted55a · 12/10/2015 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 12/10/2015 00:36

Very poor of them and I am sorry you received this treatment.

I think maybe, sadly, you contributed to others leaving and they left, meaning those who are still there are perhaps not in the same frame of mind (not thinking about others leaving).

Maybe also people are very strapped for cash these days.

It may well be that the key person (everyone organisation has one) who organises things may have been one of the people who left.

I hope your next job will be better.

Please do not take it personally! I've given to collections for people I didn't care that much for and probably not thought always about people who I worked with and did like but who left and I've not asked or organised a collection for! Sometimes in my work place it feels like a person is leaving or a baby being born or adopted, etc almost every week! Lots going on and at one time a lot of redundancies. Because work can be hectic and it is not always a reflection of how people are viewed.

I do agree that being an agency staff member may have been part of it. It's probably very hard because you were there so long and maybe agency staff do not usually work in a place so long.

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