Give me a reason to live

[FlowersAndShit]

I'm 25.

I haven't had a friend in over 10 years
I've struggled with social anxiety since I was 7
I've been struggling with depression and agoraphobia since age 13.
I've never had a job
I'm still a virgin
I've never been in a relationship
I have an eating disorder
I'm on the mild end of the autistic spectrum
I'm probably unable to have children
I'm pretty sure I have PTSD
I won the genetic lottery

Because it can be better than this.

Because just from reading your OP it is clear that you are a thoughtful and likable person.

Because each of us, within us, has the potential to make our little corner of the world a better place for ourselves and for others and frankly the world can use all the help it can get

Too many "I's" in your initial post. Self-pity and self-absorption are the worst enemies to happiness.

I agree with other posters, start finding things you can do to improve other people's lives and you will start finding that true happiness is not in who you are, but in what you do and how much you give of yourself.

www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

It's so strange I should read this as I have been thinking about my life when I was 25, and how I thought my life was over.

My life only got good after I turned 25 :) it got better when I turned 27 and has got better every year.

Every year I am stronger, brighter, funnier (!) happier, more determined yet more willing to accept I'm wrong, more committed yet recognise when I should give something up, have more talent at the things I am good at and more appreciative of my lovely friends and wonderful DC.

I wish I had known then how vast the range of 'normal' is and how what is normal for me might fill others with dread yet equates joyous happiness for me.

My lame answer to your post is this: it will get better. It will.

I was just saying this to my therapist the other day, my mantra was "if I die, it definitely won't get better because I'm dead. At least if I'm alive, there is a chance".

On a bad day, I'd clock watch. Waiting for the hands to turn, waiting to die, wondering if today was the day I'd do it. So, I've been where you are. I fought tooth and nail to be in a place where I could get out of bed and not hate every second of the day. It's not easy and I don't lead the perfect life but it is worth being alive because every day, I hold on to hope....hope that it will get better.

The professionals told me I'd be a revolving door psychiatric patient. Now, I work with psychiatric patients.

You are here for a reason.

Hi Flowers,

We're really sorry you're feeling so low.

We can see you're getting some really good advice and support from other posters here in AIBU, but we think it might be a good idea to move this thread over to our Mental Health topic. Would that be okay with you?

There are plenty of outside organisations listed in our Mental Health webguide which may also be able to provide support. You can take a look at the list here.

Best wishes to you, OP.

Thank you everyone. I've signed up to the Mind forum thing and it looks like there are lots of others with similar issues to mine which is comforting. I've contacted a local charity too who provide a mentoring service for people with mental health issues, hopefully they will reply soon.

My stepdad, who can be horrible has found out about me wanting a cat and has said I am not having one. He shouted at me and told me I can only have pets if I buy my own place(unlikely). As of today, I've decided to cut him out of my life so won't be seeing him again. He also doesn't want me to get a cat becuse he likes me to look after the family dog (who I love) when they go on holiday every year and during the week he expects me to go there to look after the dog as he and my mum are at work all day. I feel guilty for the dog as I love him, but I don't want stepdad to dictate and control me anymore.

Quite right. YOU get to decide about having a pet ( as long as your lease allows it) and all other decisions in your life.

Great that you've signed up on Mind. Also worth looking on Facebook for support groups for sufferers of anxiety/ agoraphobia in the UK. The groups are generally closed and private so very confidential. I've joined a group for people suffering from my own condition and it is incredibly comforting to know that someone else gets it.

Wishing you all good things. And yes, mid twenties are a tough time. So many will be feeling they 'should' have achieved x,y and z by now. Life is not a race or a tick box exercise. Finding some pleasure in life is a good start. For most people that will involve communicating with other people on a regular basis.

If you don't live with your stepfather surely he can't dictate whether you have a cat?

Thank you Matilda will have a look for those groups

Sooty I moved out a few months ago, he and my mother can be very controlling but he is abusive alongside it. The landlord i'm renting with also knows my stepdad, so my stepdad is worried incase anything bad happens with the cat and people talk and he thinks it will reflect badly on him.

He sounds horrible.

The only people who need to discuss or have any say you owning a cat in your current home are you and your landlord.
Nothing to do with your stepdad and his 'reputation'

I just wanted to tell you all that I just walked to the post office by my flat for the first time. I've lived here for 4 months and only been able to do it with my mother, but I just walked there by myself.

The strange thing is that I didn't really feel nervous much, I just got up this morning and decided to do it. It depends if i'm feeling strong or not, when i'm feeling strong I feel I can do it. Sadly most days are bad days and I just can't face it. But I managed it today

That's amazing, well done! I bet that sense of achievement feels good.

FLOWERS great news!! Well done you.

If you love cats, please please go and adopt one! There are so many lovely cats everywhere needing adopting and would love you for company

I am very sorry to hear this.

From the list of symptoms you provide (ASD, eating disorder, anxiety), I think it highly probable you have issues with your 'microbiome', the populations of billions of bacteria living in your gut. All the most cutting edge science is showing many - even most - physical, mental and learning difficulties have their root in the gut and a disordered microbiome. Other digestive issues tend to go alongside, such as food intolerances, IBS and 'leaky gut'. Your body has a gut-brain axis, meaning the two organs are constantly in communication and your gut sends messages to your brain, which influences all sorts of things from mood to sleep patterns. In short, if your gut is disordered, then so are you.

What I think is vital in helping you on the road to recovery is to heal your probable digestive issues and repopulate your microbiome with good bacteria. This will have a profound effect on the difficulties you are currently experiencing. I can highly recommend the GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet. It is designed specifically to treat conditions such as ASD and eating disorders. Here is a link to the book on Amazon, though you can find sites on it free online as well.

www.amazon.co.uk/Gut-Psychology-Syndrome-Depression-Schizophrenia/dp/0954852028

As you can see, the reviews are outstanding. Give it a try and see if it works for you.

Oh the hilarious juxtaposition of someone calling themselves ScienceBased and recommending pseudoscience bullshit.

You can't 'treat' autism with an exclusion diet: autism is a life long development condition.

Gut flora is a fascinating area of research and affects our health and wellbeing, but a fad exclusion diet is not going to 'cure' autism.

www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/gaps-diet/

Oh flowers! You just made me well up a bit there with your last post!! Well done!! I seem to get thay, I'll wake up and be psyched up to do it and I feel good. Little steps, thats the way forward.
I had an eating disorder in my mid teens, and have depression and anxiety alongside CFS. I've been very low in my life. If you ever just want to chat, feel free to PM me, and I second the PP with the idea about volunteering at a local rspca or cats protection place. They always need volunteers, and you can surround yourself with animals, and the other people there will have similar interests, but you can get on with your jobs without too much interaction. Its something to work towards.
today (this might sound silly but nevermind) I made a wish board, got a load of magazines and catalogues and created a board of things, goals, wishes for my life. This kinda gives me a set of goals to look at, a focus to my mind. Mine has silly things on, like a tidy house (I am a bit lapse here) and a nice family Christmas. They are achievable goals for me. I also have a holiday on there and some days out I would like to do.
lots of good wishes for you

Thank you everyone

Peas I'd love a cat; have to see what my landlord says though.

Jean Thank you so much. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles too.
I'd love to work with animals, I might see if I can foster cats as I don't drive and no buses so i'd find it difficult to get there.

The wish board sounds like a great idea! I might have to try that

Oh thats a shame about buses and things!! Never mind, maybe something in the future as and when it allows! And you can add just little goals.
one thing that I learnt with my CBT is that you have to set achievable goals for yourself. I was constantly trying to do things that were beyond my capabilities. I was trying to compare myself to a "normal" person, or what I considered a normal person to be. I am not like that. So I have to make achievable goals for me, based on my capabilities. Oh and to celebrate my achievements, give myself a pat on the back when I manage it!

Well done you!

Awful last few days, gone to bed crying and wanting to die. I feel hopeless about my situation

You've done an OU degree? Good on you that takes a serious amount of dedication and hard work. I'm on my final module with them for my degree, it's tough!
I love cats too, great company and such characters.
I'd love to have a talent for baking, why not make/sell cakes to order?
Keep going girl, you're doing good xxx

It's not hopeless it's just small steps - first the post office then who knows!?!
Tell me about your OU degree - dh took 10 years to do his so I am mighty impressed with your work for that.
Or if you prefer we can chat about what kind of cat are you getting? I would like a black cat with green eyes that I would name "Jonesy" or steal the local tortie with no tail that always says hello.
Please keep coming back, even to talk nonsense.

Favourite It took me 5 years, but I took a year out. What are you studying? I did criminology and psychology.

Thank you I'd love to, but i'm not good enough yet, might do some cake decorating classes.

Mother Thank you. It was so hard but I got there in the end! Oh i really want a cat - I have to wait until my contract is up in December and ask him then. I REALLY hope he says yes. I'll be beyond gutted if he says no - i'd love some company and i'd love the poor thing to pieces. There is one cat at my local rescue with one eye -i'd have him!