To rather not have any gifts from my sister?

[sunnyteacup]

This is kind of inspired by another thread as it got me thinking that it's coming up to Christmas and I will be getting a gift from my sister where there has been no thought whatsoever put into it. It's got to the stage where I honestly would rather not have anything as it's quite upsetting that she can't put two minutes into thinking of something I would actually like.

She spends £5 on me and our brother each. It does not deviate from this and the gifts are generally from a supermarket when she's shopping (that's not an issue which I'll come to in a minute!). She's not flush for cash but not struggling either. When shopping she'll bulk buy male/female gifts then decide later who's getting what.

I am VERY different to this with gift buying and take time to think about what each person would like and shop around. I don't have a set amount I spend as it depends on what I want to buy them. This really isn't about the money spent though. It's more about that she wouldn't even spend £2 more even if it was on something I would actually like.

As she gets her shopping from the supermarket mostly, I have said to her more than once to get me a fiver bottle of wine for Christmas (after years of awful presents). I would be DELIGHTED with this. But she doesn't.

A few years ago I got a cuddly toy thing in a box with bubble bath. I didn't have a bath at the time. We see each other all the time so she knows this!

It's a running joke in our family about how awful her presents are as she's the same with everyone.

She continually gets our mum perfume/body spray sets when she's been told for years that she can't wear anything like that due to her sensitive skin. She doesn't ever wear any perfume.

I feel that the money she spends is a waste because it's always crap that just gathers dust so I would really rather have nothing then I'm not constantly disappointed or hurt by the lack of thought. Every year I always hope that this is the year she has actually thought about the gift but it never happens. It's as if it's a tick box exercise with her where she buys the right number of gifts then can say that's her done her Christmas shopping. Invariably all the females/males get the same gifts but relating to their gender i.e. impulse or lynx sets.

Am I being ungrateful??

There is a school of thought that "gifters gift the giftee gifts they would like to receive". My sister works on this premise, god help you if you buy something you wouldn't like as you will receive similar the following year. Although she has also got quite well known for gift recycling and a few family members who clocked it seem to be having lots of fun with re gifting her gifts that were re gifted in the first place back to her, but tweaking it so it's not from the last person who she recycled it to, it's someone different.

Just buy her something crap from the supermarket too. It's one less person to bother with.

I used to hate these teeny bottle of stuff gift sets. But then dsis started buying me penhaligon miniature sets.
Now I eye up under the tree and get a sinking feeling if there's no gift set sized parcel in her posh wrapping paper.

Couple of options
Say straight out "do not buy me a toiletries set for Christmas"
Go Christmas shopping with her and point her in the direction of nicer stuff
Give her a list "buy me this this or this"
Get over it
Accept gifts for her a thing you just have to do and not a lovingly crafted expression of how you feel about the other person

I honestly feel that adults should just stop buying Christmas for each other.

Threads like this remind me how much money is wasted this time of year on stuff that will end up gathering dust in a cupboard/going to charity/in the bin/re-gifted.

Is it really necessary for so much stress and angst [and money spent] around picking overpriced stuff which will only annoy you by being half price in the sales following Christmas?

If you must buy presents why not a small treat, i.e. little box of chocs or bottle of wine and give a voucher or IOU for a present bought in the sales. My family do this for the adults and leave the present buying for the kiddies. No-one feels miffed, luckily, as we all genuinely feel the same about the pressure to spend unnecessarily due to Christmas hype.

How is your relationship with your sister, apart from the crap Christmas gifts? If she is generally thoughtful and nice to you, helps you out, and loves you to bits, then 'thank you, that's lovely' is what you say when you get the crap gift.

If she is generally thoughtless and inconsiderate and this is just an example of the crap way she always treats you, then I'd go with something pa like 'Oh, it's too much, you really shouldn't have spent so much on me, I'd have been happy with something cheaper!'

SeaMagic I have thought before we should just stop buying for each other. It's siblings and partners so there's 6 of us altogether. My brother and my OH get the same gift but with some variation and the same goes for me and my SIL. It would make sense that we either stop or do a secret Santa type idea and then £20 can get spent on 1 person rather than £5 each on something that doesn't get used.

I have said don't get me toiletries (many times) and would be really really happy with a fiver bottle of wine but she doesn't listen or take it on board. That's what gets to me, she is totally wasting her money unnecessarily .

I should practice what I preach as I've said/thought many times that I can't change other people's behaviour only how I react to it.

So. Looks like I suck it up and get her crap too. Or at least put less thought into it! Maybe I should try and find the weirdest, most useless piece of tat for a fiver and see if I still get the same reaction from her as when I've spent a fortune and loads of time on it!

My mother always told me it's the thought that counts, and she's right...and when there's no thought, it doesn't count.

Gifts don't have to be hugely expensive or exotic. They just need to be something that you sincerely think the recipient will like, that took a little care and, yes, a little of your cash, because cheap with money, cheap with love.

My MIL has the most irritating habit of always telling you how pleased she is that she managed to spend so little on you. I don't care that she got the gift from a charity or pound shop, but I do mind that her priority always seems to be how little she can spend on you, and she doesn't mind you knowing that. If I just receive a gift, I can say 'thank you, it's lovely' and be happy, but I simply can't enjoy it as much if that's followed with a big grin and, "Yes, it was only two pounds from the charity shop! I offered it to Richard and Mary but they didn't want it so I thought you might like it."

Thanks....

That made me lol Sheba

I have never thought of regifting. It doesn't sit comfortably with me for some reason. I don't know why.

I realise that what I buy for someone might not be what they actually want and I could be way off. I remember many many years ago (I was very early twenties) my mum had been having issues with her feet and was constantly in pain and my dad was having to treat them (boak, I hate feet!). I bought her for her birthday a foot treatment set that was quite expensive especially for me being a student. I really genuinely thought she would like it due to the problems she was having. She went mental. Proper shouting at me then my dad joined in asking how I thought anyone would want that for their birthday and how thoughtless I was. I was in tears and so upset, it was awful. Maybe I should've learned there and then that my ideas aren't always the best for the other person!

sunnyteacup, that is totally weird. Even if the treatment wasn't suitable for her because of her foot condition, you weren't to know that, and it should be obvious it was intended as a 'this might help your situation' thing. Your parents sound very odd.

There was someone in the current thread about brassnecks whose sister asked for a Frozen CD for her daughters for a birthday or something...because sister had stood on and broken the original. I didn't think that was brassnecked at all. If I had something I used a lot and loved and broke it, a replacement is a great gift....

My parents are very odd. I don't think it even had anything to do with that she couldn't use it due to her problem. More that they thought it was a shit gift.

I don't think that is brassnecked either!

I think you should happily accept it, buy yourself a nice bottle of wine, and drink it safe in the knowledge that the next raffle/tombola donation is covered.

YANBU. Not at all. I have a Dsis like this. I have also had the conversation more than once that a bottle of wine or book token would be lovely and something I actually might use/like. Like you I always put thought and some expense into her gifts. To no avail. She is the same with my other sis. We have given up. I actually think it is quite passive aggressive. She is still annoyed that I have decided not to buy for her children now they are adults. She is very tight. I agree that you should just get her some random crap too. I have done this for the first time this year.

As adults why don't you agree to stop gift giving and maybe spend the money on a lunch somewhere together? or share a bottle of wine and a chat?

Gift giving when neither of you gets anything out of it is stupid.

Many people who smugly think that they put "thought" into presents for others are usually doing something that they themselves find easy. They also have no idea what the recipient really thinks about the gift.

The point about ritual gift-giving is that it's a sort of stupid guessing game which is both a waste of time and money.

If I had a spare £50 I would, today, spend it on a massage as that is something I would love but can't afford. Friend X knows I love vintage china and tracks down a gorgeous bowl. Truly thoughtful. She know she has been thoughtful. I in return know she loves silk scarves and find one that matches her coat. I know I am being thoughtful. We worry in case the other doesn't like it. We agonize over we have spent too much or not enough.

She gets a scarf she likes - but she has three blue scarves - and would rather have been able to spend it on dinner with her DP. She maybe thinks I could have been a bit more original than yet another scarf.

I get a bowl I like - but really would have preferred the massage - or even to have paid off the last £50 on my overdraft.... and think maybe she should have remembered that I am moving soon and another bowl is just something else to pack. Why, why, why?