To rather not have any gifts from my sister?

[sunnyteacup]

This is kind of inspired by another thread as it got me thinking that it's coming up to Christmas and I will be getting a gift from my sister where there has been no thought whatsoever put into it. It's got to the stage where I honestly would rather not have anything as it's quite upsetting that she can't put two minutes into thinking of something I would actually like.

She spends £5 on me and our brother each. It does not deviate from this and the gifts are generally from a supermarket when she's shopping (that's not an issue which I'll come to in a minute!). She's not flush for cash but not struggling either. When shopping she'll bulk buy male/female gifts then decide later who's getting what.

I am VERY different to this with gift buying and take time to think about what each person would like and shop around. I don't have a set amount I spend as it depends on what I want to buy them. This really isn't about the money spent though. It's more about that she wouldn't even spend £2 more even if it was on something I would actually like.

As she gets her shopping from the supermarket mostly, I have said to her more than once to get me a fiver bottle of wine for Christmas (after years of awful presents). I would be DELIGHTED with this. But she doesn't.

A few years ago I got a cuddly toy thing in a box with bubble bath. I didn't have a bath at the time. We see each other all the time so she knows this!

It's a running joke in our family about how awful her presents are as she's the same with everyone.

She continually gets our mum perfume/body spray sets when she's been told for years that she can't wear anything like that due to her sensitive skin. She doesn't ever wear any perfume.

I feel that the money she spends is a waste because it's always crap that just gathers dust so I would really rather have nothing then I'm not constantly disappointed or hurt by the lack of thought. Every year I always hope that this is the year she has actually thought about the gift but it never happens. It's as if it's a tick box exercise with her where she buys the right number of gifts then can say that's her done her Christmas shopping. Invariably all the females/males get the same gifts but relating to their gender i.e. impulse or lynx sets.

Am I being ungrateful??

Get her something useful like golf tees, a book in Greek, a Mrs doubtfire DVD dubbed in Italian.

I have had the gift giving conversation many many times over the years and she just laughs it off and says absolutely nothing about it. When I said about the wine before she said I can't give you that for Christmas! And actually looked affronted that I could suggest such a thing We both love wine btw.

I give up. I should just accept it and get over it as she's never gonna change. I'm glad that it's not me being ungrateful (general consensus). I will do the same as always and thank her very much for the gift when I speak to her on Christmas day as she does me. She never shows any emotion over her gift from me one way or another so maybe she hates what I get her too!

But don't you realise OP that this is where every single Tombola prize originates????

Why don't you just re gift whatever she gives you for xmas for her birthday etc. if she spots that it's the same gift just say something like oh I thought you must like them as you always buy something similar for me. Justbuy everyone else the same thoughtful presents you always get. My SiL buys my boys a £1 pack of Mars bars for Xmas not every year only when she can be arsed some years they get nothing. I used to spend hours and cash buying and wrapping her kids lovely gifts.

OP have you tried the "I'm not buying anyone gifts this year" stance?
I have a box for unwanted gifts and always have something to donate to a raffle or similar.

Oh I like Dove too- noeffing. Don't get me wrong- I'm not dissing it as a shower product.

I'm just not any more pleased to get shower gel as a present than I would be a bottle of Lenor or Fairy liquid.

Well, I wouldn't be too pleased with just one bottle, but a gift set is always welcome.

I know what you mean. I hate wine and I hate Lillies (the smell makes me heave). My in-laws love both and buy me them EVERY year for my birthday.

I always say thank you but after 15 years it does make me a little sad that they waste there money on something that will either go to the school for christmas fete or in the bin.

I love gift sets but hate impulse and those mini perfumes take them back to Boots if they didn't originate there they can tell you by scanning but I got a loadof gift vouchers in ecxhange after my last big birthday haul and bought a Babyliss Big Hair

I don't get it. Why do you prefer nothing to the gifts your sister gets you? She's not going to force you to display them. Just be polite and kind and say thank you and act like you love it like a normal person.

You should assume that what she buys you is what she considers to be a good gift. So this Christmas buy her exactly the same as she bought you last Christmas. Job done. There's no point worrying about it. She doesn't appreciate your presents anyway, so give her something she will appreciate.

If she's always like this, why are you bothering to put thought and effort into her presents? Just throw something in from the same sort of aisle that she gets hers from when you're shopping, and be done with it.

I put thought and effort into everyone's gift so I wouldn't not do the same for my sister. I would feel that I was doing it to be spiteful about what she gets me if I just bunged something in my trolley.

I would rather have nothing than her wasting her money on me on something that won't get used. 9 times out of 10 it doesn't get used and just gathers dust in a drawer. Plus it smarts a little always getting something where no thought whatsoever has gone into it from someone I'm so close to and have had the conversation with and have given her a perfectly reasonable suggestion of what to get me instead that's a win win for everyone.

I always say thank you no matter what. Any further conversations have been well after Christmas or before the next one. I never comment negatively at the time.

Sorry, op. But you can't have it both ways. You can't control what she buys you, but you can control what you give her. So either put up with it, or reciprocate in kind.

I love these types of sets. If they are naice. I don't like the lipgloss sets and aerosol sets.

OP. I agree and I would find it maddening. I dislike generic toiletries a lot and they would be wasted on me. I get an awful lot of pleasure from trying to buy thoughtful gifts for people and am so chuffed when I pull it off.

But agree with PP - if you don't want to change the way you buy her presents you can't expect her to change the way she buys hers!

Seems such an easy solution - you buy her the kind of presents she buys you. It's a very easy kind of gift to get, you'll feel no irritation about your thoughtlessness being ignored any more, and your sister will, I feel, value that kind of gift more. Job done. Meanwhile your gift goes straight to charity shop.

But if you're set on keeping the status quo on your part (based on notion you can't change other people's behaviour only your reaction to it) you're unfortunately going to find it maddening on an annual basis!

Can you suggest you only buy for one another's DC? My siblings agreed to this a few years ago, and it makes Christmas shopping far easier. I always assume those supermarket gift sets are for 'duty' gifts for people you do t really know well enough I choose something personal - teachers, neighbours who looked after the cat when you were on holiday, work Secret Santa - not family, and I'd agree with you, it seems a waste of money.

I totally understand you - first I'm fussy about cosmetics, don't use supermarket stuff and want to buy my own. And second I also hate those thoughtless 'oh let's just pick up 10 of those sets and see who to give them to' gifts.

But it's your sister, not some elderly distant relative - can't you just be frank and honest and tell her straight not to buy you that stuff? That yes, actually you do want wine instead of a gift set?

I 'regift' things like this. So look at it this way... she's saving you money on buying a gift for someone else

Can you put them (unopened) in the food bank box at your local supermarket? Even small bottles of smellies or toiletries would be useful to people with no cash to buy any.

YANBU. Sounds stingy (a fiver, c'mon) and mean spirited, with her lack of thought.

I put thought and effort into everyone's gift

As, apparently does everyone on MN who complains about the quality of the gifts they receive.

I'm really not seeing what your problem is OP. If you are one of those saintly people who think it is better for to give than receive then your pleasure in giving a thoughtful gift should be enough.

If on the other hand you are some one who requires reciprocal value and quality gifts the remedy is in your own hands.

Not rtft but trust me it could be worse. My sister and mum both have bought me not only thoughtless gifts but gifts that I've actually found hurtful. Sister has bought gifts designed to highlight what she sees as my faults/to 'cure' me of them. Mother has bought me gifts my sister would like very rarely something I would genuinely like. I'm now NC with sister and on verge of with mother (not just because of this but you get my drift).

I totally get where you're coming from. I think you're saying you'd rather have something she's paid less for but a lot of thought has gone into than have her spend a fortune on something totally ignorant of who you are and your relationship.

Problem is you say a heart felt thank you every year so she thinks you love the gifts.

Get her a $5 useless item you know she won't like.

I'd start messing with her and getting her the most random shit from the thrift store.