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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to take DC to school disco?

73 replies

Mabledoggly · 09/10/2015 18:14

DC's (7 & 10) school is half an hour away. They want to go to the school disco tonight but I've already spent 2 hours driving them backwards and forwards today.

Their father has plans and can't help out so I've told them they can't go this time. There are six discos a year.

They have been crying on and off since 3:30 and I'm feeling horribly guilty and shit. Aibu?

OP posts:

AnnaMarlowe · 09/10/2015 20:35

Well done OP.

Jackiebrambles · 09/10/2015 20:52

Great work op, hope they have a blast :)

FishWithABicycle · 09/10/2015 20:53

Well done OP I hope they are suitably grateful and we'll behaved tomorrow and that you all get a good night's sleep.

tshirtsuntan · 09/10/2015 21:22

It's quarter past eight, how bad can it be?? You were being unreasonable by not remembering how very important these things were when YOU were a child....life or death by roller disco in my era maybe see if you can sort out a drop off/pick up schedule with a more local parent next time

jelliebelly · 09/10/2015 21:51

Well done op. Better get used to it though!

Crazypetlady · 09/10/2015 22:05

You were being unreasonable I think people calling you a lazy cow was excessive though. The important thing is they went. You need to relax now and get yourself a treat!

Mehitabel6 · 09/10/2015 22:28

Well done! You will look back fondly on a primary school disco when you have to stay up to collect your teenagers at midnight!

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2015 23:37

"in fairness also, no one chooses a schopl that far away unless the local ones are over subscribed and/or shit"

They do, you know.

But whyever they chose it, the kids didn't. So you drive them to things. I chose to live in the back of beyond. I chose. The kids didn't. So I am a taxi. And will be until they can drive.

Morganly · 09/10/2015 23:59

Oh yeah, wait till you've sat in the car at midnight on Saturdays waiting for them to come out of a gig/party.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2015 00:02

Midnight? Bloody hell- it's 3am round here!

Mehitabel6 · 10/10/2015 08:27

I didn't want to frighten her BertrandRussell so just put midnight!
It also means you can't have a drink because you might need to pick them up if arrangements go wrong. Even if they do get a lift you lie awake in the early hours waiting to hear the key in the lock.
Believe me you will look back fondly on getting upset because you had to turn out 3 times a day for an hour's return trip.

nooka · 10/10/2015 18:36

Surely pick ups late at night for older teens are completely optional though? My parents never picked us up from social events once we were old enough to use public transport. I don't recall them staying up at night until we got home either. dh regularly went to gigs and came home very drunk in the middle of the night. It didn't seem to affect his parent's social life!

My two are only 15 and 16 and we live in a sleepy sort of town (dh and I grew up in London) they either are home before bedtime or they stay the night with whoever is closest. Neither of them is a party animal though.

Mehitabel6 · 10/10/2015 18:43

Public transport- after 6pm - I wish!

A venue they could walk to? Another case of 'I wish.......'

The reality is that if you live in a village they need the taxi service of mum and dad until they drive themselves, or their friends do, which adds to the worry.

Mehitabel6 · 10/10/2015 18:44

Still chortling at the thought of public transport after 6pm!

Mehitabel6 · 10/10/2015 18:52

I am over 60yrs and I had public transport as a teenager-my parents never picked me up - and I lived in a far more rural place.

cruikshank · 10/10/2015 19:05

nooka, I think if you grew up in London you probably don't appreciate just how hard it is to travel anywhere at all in most parts of the country after in many places 6pm as Mehitabel6 says, and even in cities like the one I'm in now after 10pm.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2015 19:12

Well, pick ups are optional- if you don't care if your kids never go out. Where we live buses stop at 6. The last train to a station 2 miles away cross country is at 9. And a taxi from the nearest town is 20 quid. And I chose to live here, so I pick them up. It would be incredibly unfair not to.

Mehitabel6 · 10/10/2015 19:48

Same here. I liked living where we did but you have to be the taxi service.
Even school things were a pain. After school sports or other activities meant picking up, school trips meant picking up- and quite probably taking. I seemed to spend my life in the car!
Now I have moved into a market town, but you can't go anywhere by public transport after 7pm. Nearest train station is 20 miles away.

nooka · 10/10/2015 20:10

My point was simply that it is perfectly possible that the OP will never have to stay up/sit in a car until midnight/3am for her children when they are teenagers. I just find it irritating when people present that type of scenario as inevitable as some sort of 'gotcha'.

If we stay where we are now I will never have to fetch my children from gigs in the middle of the night even if I wanted to because there are no gigs (well apart from the occasional country and western show) and the nearest place with them is four hours drive away. They will have to stay with friends in the city or wait until they go to university and then transport will have nothing to do with me or dh.

Mehitabel6 · 10/10/2015 20:18

Since OP is complaining about an hour's round trip at primary level I think it highly likely she will have my type of scenario! (I had a 2 minute walk at primary level)

Marynary · 10/10/2015 20:24

I'm glad you took them. You would have been very mean not to. It's not their fault that their school is so far away. Are there any other children nearby that you can share lifts with in the future. Or could they go to a friends house for tea after school (my children's friends do that if they live far away and need to get back to the school in the evening).

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 11/10/2015 10:16

Don't they have friends who might have parties nooka ? That's what I've been picking up from for the last couple of years. No public transport at that time and taxis are expensive for a 14-15 year old.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/10/2015 12:16

I'm glad you took them. Things like school discos do matter a lot to some children - but what matters more is the impression that any planned treat or event that they are looking forward to could be cancelled at short notice for no good reason - that is genuinely devastating to kids. It teaches them that they are powerless and dependent on the whims and moods of others, which is really not good for them.

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