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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shared Facebook accounts

72 replies

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 09/10/2015 17:03

I don't get it.

Couples who have one profile and share it.

To me this shows that one doesn't trust the other.

Maybe I want to Facebook my friend without her DP reading the messages too. I know I can text and this isn't an issue. I just.dont.get.it

OP posts:

BetLynchsBeehive · 10/10/2015 19:20

Lweji I manage to disagree with my DH on most things and have separate friends all within the sinister confines of shared digital access!

Weathergames · 10/10/2015 19:25

Nothing says "she's got your testicles in her purse" as much as a shared Facebook account

This.

soundedbetterinmyhead · 10/10/2015 19:45

I think some of you are way overthinking this. DH and I had a shared account for ages on Facebook - we only use it for seeing family photos and keeping up what our friends were up to and arranging stuff with friends so it's no big deal if the other sees it. Eventually we got bit bored of seeing the other's mates' comments about stuff as individuals we had no interest in so he got his own. We also have a shared email account. If messages were obviously for him I wouldn't bother with them and vice versa - I don't have any secret correspondence going on. Neither of us are abusive, we've been married 20 years, and neither are under the thumb. Not a big deal, honest.

LadyNym · 10/10/2015 20:11

I guess it depends how you use Facebook. I use it for lots of things but one of those is to communicate privately with people via Facebook messenger. I don't tend to have secrets from DH but I think if my sister wants to message me about her self-harming or my best friend wants to talk to me about her gran dying, they should be able to do so without worrying DH might read the message.

museumum · 10/10/2015 20:16

I wouldn't interact with a shared account. Actually how do you?
"Lol this is so you @bobandsarah (well Sarah, not Bob, sorry Bob if you think it's boring, Sarah will be interested)"

museumum · 10/10/2015 20:18

Or "are you coming to the uni reunion drinks @Bobandsarah? - I mean Bob. Sorry Sarah, I'm not sure partners are really expected"

TheLambShankRedemption · 10/10/2015 20:22

I find it weird, but if people are happy then that's up to them.

On FB, you may only know one person and not the other. What's the point of having fairly tight privacy settings on FB if you allow access to a stranger on a shared account?

I used to be friends with a couple who did the shared FB and shared email. I'd send an email to her and he'd reply. ODFO. To be fair, she was the weirder and more controlling of the two though.

soundedbetterinmyhead · 11/10/2015 16:19

museumum perhaps we just never used to use it properly! We both went to the same uni, so messages like that would be for both of us and if someone wanted to send me a 'lol' picture, I expect they would just share it with @soundedandco and write 'sounded this is so you'. That said, neither of us have facebook or anything else on our phones, so it's something one of us would check on the PC in the study in the evenings rather than sitting by ourselves. I think it's generational - I would never have a really sensitive conversation via facebook, I would only ever do this on the phone. We're in our 40s and 50s so maybe that's it.

Trills · 11/10/2015 16:41

What did you think of last night's Doctor Who @bobandsarah?

(actually just Bob please, I know you hate it Sarah and would just moan about Bob insisting on watching it)

MissEeerie · 11/10/2015 20:00

My step-brother and his girlfriend have a joint Facebook account. Both mid-20s. He's cheated a lot on girlfriends in the past (massive prick) so it's probably a trust thing.

Purplepoodle · 11/10/2015 20:08

I have shared fb account with dh. He's a techno phobe and struggles to use his phone never mind anything else. It was just my account but shoved him on it once had invasion on the in laws so rarely post anything tbh except photos of kids. Once I get around to it I may separate the accounts but he doesn't have an email address either.

He never posts tbh and just looks at it. He works away so likes the albums and stuff of our kids that I keep on there too

Laquitar · 11/10/2015 20:26

i know one couple like this. distant family members.
In their case they are both bullies to the rest of family and i think they might feel more power or something, they are always together. Like the bullies at school who stick together.
I am not saying that everyone with shared account is a bully, just the ones in my family. there are probablyseveral types and several reasons.

twelfstripe · 11/10/2015 21:55

I wonder how old these couples are?

I'm wondering if they are of the less technological generation and can't be bothered with the faff of creating two accounts?? (I'm thinking of my dear old mother who used an 80s amstrad computer till not that long ago..)

I've never heard of it either

soundedbetterinmyhead · 12/10/2015 18:30

Trills - I would never get into a conversation about the TV on Facebook, I've no issue with anyone else doing that, I just wouldn't engage. What would be the point? I might ask if I saw them at work the next day and I knew we'd both watched something. I guess I just don't care enough about people's opinions and stuff to type messages about it. Tho I do like MN, so maybe that's the exception.

prettybird · 12/10/2015 18:37

I know of one couple who operate a shared account in her dh's name. They are in their early 50s and use Facebook mostly to share photos of their grandchildren and to keep in touch with old friends. It's not a controlling relationship at all but her job means it's not possible for her to have a Facebook account in her own name. Any of her true friends understand this.

MockTheWeek · 12/10/2015 18:53

A good friend of mine shares her Facebook with her husband because she doesn't trust him. It's so irritating and it still hasn't stopped him from sending inappropriate messages when he knew she wouldn't be able to read them and then deleting them before she has a chance to

flustercuck · 12/10/2015 19:48

Couples who do this should just piss on each other to mark their territory instead

It gives the impression of deep insecurity.

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/10/2015 20:50

Surely if someone was desperate to use FB to cheat, they'd just set up a high privacy profile of their own, that their cuckolded spouse couldn't see. It doesn't exactly require MI5 levels of espionage to override a suspicious spouse, hell-bent on insisting on a couples profile.

My cousin and wife, early 49s, have a dual account, and while it's not for me, I can't get too worked up about it. They're a happy, solid couple with many mutual friends, and have friends and family overseas that they like to share stuff with.

They also don't use it that often - I think if you're on FB several times a day and use it for messaging a lot, it can be difficult to understand that other people use it on a much more infrequent and casual basis.

vdbfamily · 12/10/2015 21:04

I don't see this as anything to do with control.....it seems to me more to indicate trust in fact. When we first went on FB we shared an A/C and it was seldom an issue.We just wanted to keep up with family around the world etc. There were a couple of occasions when DH made a comment on a post that I felt the need to clarify that it was him not me. He got bored with FB before me so now I have an A/C and if he wants to know what is going on he just logs into mine. We have no trust issues.

queenoftheboys · 13/10/2015 00:40

We had shared FB - just me now as he lost interest - and still have shared email. It isn't weird or creepy or indicative of power imbalance or control issues or lack of trust or any of the other odd notions on here. It's just practical - we both get emails about school or other kids stuff, household stuff, holiday bookings etc. If it's clearly only relevant to him I don't open and vice versa. I guess it comes down to how you use social media - if my friends and I are discussing private or sensitive things we phone or text.

soundedbetterinmyhead · 13/10/2015 18:36

flustercuck your post:
Couples who do this should just piss on each other to mark their territory instead. It gives the impression of deep insecurity.

says more about you than it does about the people you judge. It clearly gives you that impression and I am sorry that your life experience has led you to that conclusion. However, you are making an inaccurate assessment of many people's relationships. Like queenoftheboys I would not have private conversations via Facebook, so it doesn't matter to me whether my whole family shares my profile. If DH wants a private account, he's free to get one and he can choose to keep it hidden, or not, as he wishes.

flustercuck · 15/10/2015 13:46

You're right about your nickname sounded absolutely right. Yawn.

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