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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday present, a chair - who is BU ?

64 replies

Magichorse · 09/10/2015 10:40

Hello all,

I'd welcome your perspective here on who is BU, my DW or me....

I have a home office and I have an office chair / desk etc

My DW HATES the chair, and for months has been suggesting I get a new one (too big, the cats sleep on it, it has a rip in the seat etc)

I like it - it's comfy, it's good quality, it's perfectly serviceable and there's no need to change a perfectly good chair

Sooooo....it's my birthday in a couple of weeks and my DW wants to get me a new office chair. For my birthday. Yes. A chair she wants. For my birthday.

I think she is being unreasonable for

A. Getting me something that she wants for my birthday
B. Thinking I would love a new chair in general (I've told her I don't want / need one)

My DW thinks I am being unreasonable for not loving the concept of a birthday chair

So please, who IBU here ?

Thanks

BTW what I actually want are some stripey socks

OP posts:

Cloppysow · 09/10/2015 11:42

Who uses the office? Is it just yours? Do you share the office and have your own desks?

None of that matters as far as the birthday present is concerned, a chair is a shit birthday present if you don't want it, but if it's a shared chair, there should be some negotiation.

Also, is this a reverse?

OTheHugeManatee · 09/10/2015 12:02

She is BU. Tell her if she insists on buying this chair for you she'll be getting a new hoover for Christmas

BestZebbie · 09/10/2015 12:05

In general YANBU in not wanting a chair that you already don't want, for your birthday.
But,

your chair is no longer 'good quality' if it is ripped and covered in cat hair! Even if it was expensive new, it is now a very low quality item indeed.
YABU to not even consider replacing the chair with something that you would still find comfy but which would also not annoy your DW. Unless she genuinely never has to enter that room and can deny all knowledge of what goes on inside to people who might judge her about your terrible chair.

Solina · 09/10/2015 12:28

YANBU. People (mainly OH family) never listen to my wish of not getting anything for my birthday and go and get some random crap I wont even like or use and then if I dont pretend to look all excited and grateful they get insulted even though I should be the one insulted as no one EVER respects my wishes. I hate my birthday for this very reason and Christmas too. Wish I could just tell the people to sod off if they cant respect my choices.

And stripey socks should be your present if it is what you want.

SoupDragon · 09/10/2015 12:32

Don't you just love how MNers take a subject and run with it? Now, not only does the OP have a birthday chair, he has a cloak, a crown and his wife has to sing him happy birthday in Hungarian (and others) every time he sits on it.

EponasWildDaughter · 09/10/2015 12:37

YANBU

Your b.day your choice.

(do you share the chair though, or is it just yours?)

whois · 09/10/2015 12:39

Wife is U. You don't even WANT the chair.

RandomSocks · 09/10/2015 12:45

I know exactly what you mean about preferring an old, good-quality but shabby item over a new one. How about getting the comfy chair that you like re-covered?

But not as your birthday gift! SIBU to get you a present that you don't want and SIBU to want you to get rid of a chair that you like.

otoh, YABU to not want to replace an item that is shabby if you can easily afford to do so.

AdoraBell · 09/10/2015 12:48

SIBU.

Suggest she might like a couple of nice new dish cloths for her next birthday, maybe with the added bonus of a bottle of something, like Cif.

fuzzywuzzy · 09/10/2015 12:52

YANBU, or her birthday or xmas, gift yourself the comfy chair, do not let her throw it out, and inform her it is your gift to her for you to use in your office.

Eliza22 · 09/10/2015 13:10

A gift shouldn't be about need, but about want. You neither need nor want a chair. SIBU. Buy her a toilet brush and Detol spray for Christmas.

SquirrelledAway · 09/10/2015 13:13

So it's your wife that really wants a new chair and your birthday is just a good excuse to get one.

Her birthday would be a really good excuse for you to get that enormous Scalextric set that you've always wanted.

Not that this has ever happened to me. On a big birthday. 10 years on and I'm not still bitter about it at all.

So, you get to sit on the birthday chair in a crown and cloak, whilst your wife sings Happy Birthday to you in Hungarian (and let's add in Finnish as well for fun) whilst you get to play Scalextric. In your striped socks.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/10/2015 13:14

you are being environmentally friendly and not bloody unreasonable at all in any shape or form to not want a non wanted gift for your birthday.

suggest she gets it covered for her christmas present. cheaper and more environnmentally friendly and see how she likes it

Shutthatdoor · 09/10/2015 13:15

YANBU at all and your DW is being VU

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 09/10/2015 13:20

YAbothBU. She shouldn't give you a present you don't want for your birthday, but you should accept it graciously because the alternative present she has in mind is a spa day and mani/pedicure for two.

MerryMarigold · 09/10/2015 13:27

I think DW should get it reupholstered for your birthday, and you get to choose the fabric because that is what I'd like!

songbird · 09/10/2015 13:32

Tell her to wait until your 'chair' wedding anniversary, I think it's 125 years.

songbird · 09/10/2015 13:33

(actually I thought about getting it reupholstered if it's good quality and comfortable but I couldn't let that get in the way of a piss-take post!)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/10/2015 13:35

SIBU of course! Unless she also has a home office and has to use your chair, then she's being slightly less U - but no, if it's your office, your chair and you're happy with it then she should leave well alone!

As an aside, a friend of mine once got given Love Actually on his birthday by his DW - as payback for him getting her something equally absurd that he wanted on her birthday.

Tell her in straight terms that you Do Not Want A New Chair - and hope that it is enough. If she still gets you a new chair, then you know what to do -get her something you want for yourself for Christmas.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/10/2015 13:39

Tell her that she can replace the chair if she wants but she is NOT allowed to call it a birthday present, because it isn't. She has to get you an actual birthday present as well as the damn chair.

Hassled · 09/10/2015 13:40

Are you Tim Dowling? If not, you could probably get a Guardian column out of this.

WizardOfToss · 09/10/2015 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiderer · 09/10/2015 14:39

at Hassled & Tim Dowling. Well, not "&" but you know. A Guardian column.

florentina1 · 09/10/2015 14:39

I feel your pain. I asked for a pretty egg cup from a local china shop.
Just one egg cup of the purchasers choice.

I received 6 very expensive egg cups, which 'matched your kitchen' from a store 20 miles away.

SlightlyAshamed1 · 09/10/2015 14:58

I've never found anyone willing to reupholster something for less than the cost of a kidney.

However there are some lovely throws and she can put it over your chair whenever she is likely to see it. You can buy her the throw for her birthday.

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