Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Are you expecting?' when you're not. How to respond?!

68 replies

patientzero · 08/10/2015 17:02

So this happened to me again this week.

I'm not pregnant (I can't have kids but I'm thankfully ok with that).

I've even lost weight recently. Over a stone and 2 dress sizes.

I was a little abrupt in my response and probably made the person feel bad but how are you supposed to respond to that question?! And why are people insensitive or stupid enough to ask it?

OP posts:
MistressChalk · 08/10/2015 18:24

Fuck 'em. They are clearly too fat in the head to have a thought process Grin ask them if they are expecting manners any time soon.

I'm still bitter from being asked this years ago by a stranger and then a few weeks later by my aunt. Her backtrack was that I was wearing really baggy clothes so she'd assumed I was pregnant Hmm it was Christmas and I was feeling rotund (perhaps may have been a bit rotund too)

Well done on losing the weight OP, don't let idiots knock you back! Thanks

twirlypoo · 08/10/2015 18:24

Oh god don't do what I did, which was panic, and invent a completely fictitious new born baby Blush I had a thread on here at the time as I was just so bloody mortified - my mouth just kept spouting more shite about my totally made up new baby. Saying actually im just fat would have been so much easier Grin

Lonelynessie · 08/10/2015 18:35

I say a firm and direct 'no' and watch them squirm.

Notonthestairs · 08/10/2015 18:43

I hda to respond to this. I went shopping, wandering around the perfume counters and got chatting to one of the Clinique ladies. At some point she asked me how I was feeling, I was a bit non plused but said fine. Then she said "So can you feel the baby kicking yet?" My dd was 1 at the time. How did I respond? I said Yes! and then ran away and had a few tears in the car park.
That was on the Friday. On the Saturday our local MP's were door knocking (local elections - it was Jeremy Corbyn as a matter of fact). Anyway nice chat, I started talking about the local Sure Start centre and how valuable it was when he (or his acolyte I forget which) said "And of course you'll be needing that centre when the baby comes, wont you." I squawked a bit and then they both looked amazed as my DH appeared holding my DD. I basically giggled like a loon, they were both horrified and I shut the door.
I have no idea why I didnt just say "I am not pregnant, just fat." But at the time I had felt quite good about myself. After those two incidents I felt pretty awful for a long time after that.
I have lost the weight though (recently hit my target weight) - and dd is now 6!

slanleat · 08/10/2015 18:45

This has happened to me a few times, not very likely to happen again, I am old enough now with a full head of white hair to stop it happening (but of course it could...).

It was always from extremely slim women whenever I was asked. I never really looked pg, just a food baby belly.

MistressChalk · 08/10/2015 19:00

Twirlypoo I think I remember your thread! My friend invented twins once as she felt she had to 'overcompensate' for being so apparently huge. She's always been a very toned size 8 so I've no idea what prompts people to ask these questions, it also made her imaginary, pregnancy blatherings all the more ridiculous as she thinks the person clocked she was lying.

Threebooks · 08/10/2015 19:11

Security lady at the airport: "oh my goodness how will you cope with three"
Me: "three what?"
Security lady: "it must be hard travelling with two toddlers whilst pregnant"
Me: "yes I suppose it must" Confused

Joules shop assistant this week: "congratulations"
Me "sorry what?"
JSA points at my stomach "congratulations"
Me: "thanks you" Hmm [grr]

Life is too short some people have little tact and are busy bodies. Btw I a not pregnant but still carry some wight from dc2 around my stomach .

yeOldeTrout · 08/10/2015 19:28

"Only the Number 3 bus"

sproketmx · 08/10/2015 20:41

I've had it. Replied with various responses.

Yeh, a food baby

nah, just fat

no I'm out in sympathy
I don't take offence

Dornan · 08/10/2015 20:45

A woman in a shop walked up while my husband and I were looking at a new tent trying to decide if it met our needs. She butted into the conversation trying to tells us what to buy.

I explained (politely but firmly) that we were experienced campers and would make up our own minds in good time.

She then started giving me a dressing down for even thinking of going camping while pregnant. I said 'I'm not pregnant' and started walking away. She followed me round the shop arguing with me about whether I was pregnant.

I was wearing size 8 jeans at the time.

Her husband happily looked on smiling as if this was all completely normal.

My DH dragged me away whispering 'why do these kind of people always find you'

It's true. They do. Grin

I've also had to argue with a checkout operator about the fact I wasn't pregnant. It was snowing and everyone was bundled up in a million layers. The whole shop looked pregnant. She couldn't understand why I didn't admit it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/10/2015 20:51

I love the shoes answer.

StrawberrytallCake · 08/10/2015 20:51

We went to look around a house with the intention of making an offer. The owner said - 'your daughter is lovely, and you have one on the way - this house is perfect for growing families, I remember when my family..blah blah blah'

I wasn't pregnant Blush and it was the first time I'd worn a dress since having dc1 at the time. I'm also 10-12 but I think because my boobs are so small my post pregnancy tummy bump will always (until I ACTUALLY do something about it, rather than pretending) be prominent.

Doublebubblebubble · 08/10/2015 20:53

This is why I dont say anything to anyone until they are obviously pregnant.

It has happened to me so many times too

When my DD was about 5 months old I got a how are you ever going to cope with two that close in age to each other...
I just said I was growing a fart and walked away... (I genuinely was as well)

ExBallerina · 08/10/2015 20:58

I've said no, just fat.

But once got really flustered and said "Um...March" when they asked when I was due. Thankfully never saw them again.

OctoberCupcake · 08/10/2015 21:03

Happened to me once before, I was mortified. I literally can't understand what possesses people to say anything unless they are 110% sure (the pregnant person has told them so, or there is literally a baby coming out of them at the time).

I just find it really rude & bizarre that people think it's their business. We got married last year and ALL I've had from one particular Woman at work is 'oooh not long until you have kids', 'you'll be next' and so on. She's got no idea about whether we want them, whether we even can have them, and to be frank it won't ever be her business unless for some reason I am giving birth on her desk. Her comments were certainly not appreciated when I was going through a miscarriage recently.

Grazia1984 · 08/10/2015 21:14

I did it once and felt dreadful. All the fat was on the front. I felt terrible. I will never ask again.

WannabeLaraCroft · 08/10/2015 21:20

TeamBeacon how horrible Flowers

Twirlypoo was that the thread where you'd told a client/customer you were pregnant? How did it all end?? Grin

WannabeLaraCroft · 08/10/2015 21:21

TeamBacon even!! Sorry

IKnitSoIDontKill · 08/10/2015 21:24

I have endometriosis and have been trying to get pregnant for the best part of 3 years. Unfortunately the endo gives me a spectacularly swollen stomach and I get asked if I'm pregnant at least every few weeks. It's like a big 'fuck you iknit' from the universe.
I'd never dream of asking someone.

ICanSeeForMiles · 08/10/2015 21:24

I was pregnant, but temping, and abroad and trying to keep it under wraps. Baggy tops, scarves, etc.
Went upstairs to the tech dept (men) and arsey boss made some comment or another.
I turned around in front of 8-10 people and said 'oh, have you all been having a good chat about whether I'm actually pregnant or just getting fat?' Arsey bosses face was Shock and profuse apologises followed.
Pricks.

Cadenza1818 · 08/10/2015 21:27

This also happens to me a lot. It's interesting that a lot of you are also small dress sizes. I.carry weight on my tummy only, everywhere else is skinny..Think that's why ppl ask. I just tell them it's twin damage.

TattyDevine · 08/10/2015 21:31

Don't be offended. If you are really truly properly fat, people don't say this to you. Its only because you are basically slim but with a bit of weight in one place they are mistaken. If you were really really fat you would be fat everywhere and wouldn't look pregnant even if you were.

Grin
twirlypoo · 08/10/2015 21:33

wannabe it was a new client.... I decided I didn't want the business that much to have to keep up the pretence of a fake baby, and gave him to another company to deal with. I was mortified, everytime I ipened my mouth I just kept telling him more about this imaginary child. I honestly don't know what came over me. It was awful!

winchester1 · 08/10/2015 21:41

I second the fat comment i ws walking my newborn before anyone knew i was pregnant. My sis had people guessing at 2 months preg. She's a size 10 I was a 14.
Now I just look confused if anyone asks as I'm not so it is confusing Confused

CatchIt · 08/10/2015 21:45

After I had dd and she was about 2 months old, a shop assistant told me I was brave for having another so soon.

I replied 'actually I'm still fat from the first one thank you.'

I hope she felt bad, dd was only little and so there's no way I could have been anything other than fat! bitch