AIBU to be worried about this - DH says yes.

[WigglyWorms5]

We had a company round to take artex samples to test for asbestos and the surveyor said that he had to keep his shoes on. I was a bit apprehensive and said is he sure they're clean and he said yes because whenever he actually deals with asbestos he is covered up in a suit and over boots etc. I wish I'd been a bit more insistent though - all our results came back clear but I feel so worried about the fact that he walked around DCs bedrooms with his boots on - what if they were contaminated even slightly? My children (as with most) play on the floor. He walked everywhere in the house

Do you think this man is an idiot? I assume not :). Therefore, why do you think he is happy to wear those clothes and use that ladder all day? It's because he, as an expert, knows there is no risk.

Nothing we say is going to reassure you because it's your anxiety, no the asbestos that's the problem. Please go to your doctor and talk about this. There is help out there for you.

Wiggly - if the testing process was going to lead to contamination of his clothes or his ladder, he would be at the greatest risk from this - the ladder would be in his van, and he would be wearing his clothes for far longer than he was in your house for.

Do you accept that he will not want to contaminate his van, his clothes or his house, because he will value his own safety and that of his nearest and dearest?

He is not going to risk contaminating his house, van or clothes, so he IS going to take every precaution.

This enlightened self-interest will keep you, your dc, and anyone else he comes into contact with, safe.

Do you think this man would put his own life at risk for the sake of his job?

I guess that I just worry that doing something day in day out he may be bit complacent at times. When he was taking samples he didn't wear a mask which I questioned him about and he said that he was trained to take samples in a way that didn't release enough fibres for it to be a health concern.

I doubt he is going to get complacent about asbestos, given the dangers.

Can I give you some advice that my therapist gave me, that has helped me?

Cognitive behavioural therapy holds that our reactions to things are influenced by a triad of things - the physical, mental and emotional, and that, by influencing one of these, we can have an effect on the others.

Eg - anxiety is an emotional reaction with physical reactions too - dry mouth, racing heart, agitation. We can use breathing exercises to control the physical reactions - take deep breaths in and out, focusing on the sensations in your body involved in breathing - the movement of your stomach up and down as you breathe, the whoosh of air in and out of your windpipe. The anxious thoughts will creep in, and when they do, you acknowledge gem and set them to one side, and then re-focus on the breathing. When a thought intrudes, this is not a failure, it is just what happens. Don't criticise yourself for having the thoughts - calmly set them aside and carry on breathing.

You can also try visualising the anxieties - my therapist suggested I saw my depression as a colour, a deep, dark, dull colour overwhelming everything, and then visualise that colour lightening from the edges towards the middle, until it has all changed to a lighter, happier colour. I found that didn't work for me, but what did was visualising it as a heavy weight in my head, weighing down every thought and keeping out any happy ones, but as I concentrated on my breathing, I could visualise that weight lifting, I could feel the sensation of lightness in my head.

You might find one of these works for you, or you might find another visualisation that helps you to shrink your anxious feelings.

Thanks SDTG I will try that. I suppose I can't help letting the anxious thoughts creep in at the moment. For example when DD is playing on her bedroom floor either her dolls all I can think of, is she around asbestos fibres or is she breathing them in as she sleeps. It's quite horrible, yet she has to do these things. I can't stop her and I can't take her out of the house never to go back in. I need to find ways of diminishing these thoughts

I was thinking about you last night, Wiggly - and I realised that I missed a bit off that last post.

I really do understand how difficult it is to let go of the anxious thoughts - I have had some doozies in my time - but what I learned in therapy is that it is a matter of practice.

For example, whenever you find the anxious thoughts about the asbestos fibres creeping in, you need to stop and remember some of the things that have been said on here - consciously think 'Think how careful he will have been, not to contaminate himself and risk his own health or other people's health. This means there is no risk to my baby'.

Basically practice replacing the anxious thought with a reassuring one - it will not work straight away, it's not a magic wand, but if you carry on making yourself look at the positive, whenever the negative thought comes up, gradually you will get better and better at it.

I struggle with self esteem, and one of my big anxieties is that no-one really likes me - why should they? I am overweight, not particularly interesting, didn't do well in my career - why would anyone want to be my friend??! I am practicing replacing that thought with 'Look at all the friends you have. Look at how pleased people were to see you this morning, at knitting group, and how they have been concerned at your absence. Does that sound like they can't stand you? No, of course it doesn't!!' It's not easy - the self-loathing is very deeply ingrained - but I am winning, I hope.

I would encourage you to get some help with your anxieties - I had 2.5 years of group therapy and then several months of cognitive behavioural therapy, and they really helped me. The CBT was particularly useful to me, and has helped me a lot.

I do have a book, called CBT for Dummies, and if you would like it, and don't mind me knowing your address, I will happily send it to you. You have a lovely baby, and you deserve to be enjoying your life, not worrying about things.

That's so kind of you SDTG. You have given me so much reassuring advice. You've also reminded me that I have that very book somewhere in the depths of my spare room so I am going to dig it out and read it. I bought it a couple of years ago when I was highly anxious when pregnant. In fact uou mentioning that book has made me think back to that time and how convinced I was for various reasons that something bad was going to happen to my baby. The feelings are exactly the same now yet I look back on that and think how ridiculous I was thinking those things. The trouble with that was, I could see all was fine as soon as I gave birth to a healthy baby but I guess this seems to have no end because I'd have to wait years to see if my children were going to be OK had they been exposed.

I'm going to practice the reassuring thoughts like you suggested. In fact I'm going to write them down and I'm certainly going to dig out that book. Thank you again x

You are very welcome, and I wish you so much happiness! xxx

SitsonFence - I meant to say thank you for that link! That's good to know and very reassuring