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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be worried about this - DH says yes.

86 replies

WigglyWorms5 · 08/10/2015 07:23

We had a company round to take artex samples to test for asbestos and the surveyor said that he had to keep his shoes on. I was a bit apprehensive and said is he sure they're clean and he said yes because whenever he actually deals with asbestos he is covered up in a suit and over boots etc. I wish I'd been a bit more insistent though - all our results came back clear but I feel so worried about the fact that he walked around DCs bedrooms with his boots on - what if they were contaminated even slightly? My children (as with most) play on the floor. He walked everywhere in the house Sad

OP posts:
Shutthatdoor · 08/10/2015 13:59

In the nicest possible way, you are not listening OP. It may be worth getting some RL help with your anxieties.

I agree OP.

For this level of anxiety (especially with your latest update) you really need to seek RL help.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/10/2015 14:25

"So the fact that he also took his fleece jacket off and threw it over the back of a kitchen chair next to where the kids sit and eat would also not be a concern?"

Wiggly - the same applies to his fleece as to his boots - he will be meticulous about avoiding contamination of any of his clothes or footwear.

Why would he be careless about contaminating his clothes with asbestos, when he knows full well how risky that contamination could be - to him, his family and anyone he visits?

Imagine the asbestos you are so scared of is paint, and he is a painter. He has been painting someone else's house, and he wore an overall and over boots over his clothing - and he took them off before coming to your house. What chance is there that he will track paint into your home either on his fleece or boots WHICH WERE ALL COMPLETELY COVERED UP WHILE HE WAS PAINTING??

That's right - no chance. None. The same applies to the asbestos - in fact there is less chance, because paint is less hazardous to health than asbestos, so the decorator has less reason to be meticulous than the asbestos worker.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/10/2015 14:29

Wiggly

If you weren't worried about this, you would be worried about something else. The difficult answer is that none of us can stop you feeling worried because that is how you feel most of the time, the asbestos is just a new hook for you to hang your worried feelings on. It doesn't matter how many times we try to convince you that your worries are not real because that doesn't stop them feeling real to you.

The really difficult thing is finding a way to live with the worried feelings and get on with your life.

Have you seen your GP and are you getting some help with your anxiety.
Flowers

nilbyname · 08/10/2015 14:33

op you're not listening.

Yoire worrying bout nothing. Fleece boots, nada!

Have a grip!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/10/2015 14:42

Nilbyname

This isn't a get a grip situation.

Nothing any of us can say can stop the OP feeling worried because she suffers from anxiety. Her worry isn't based on a logical assessment of risk, it was there before the surveyor visited and has just attached to him for now, it will still be there if the OP gets comfortable with the lack of asbestos risk.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 08/10/2015 14:52

I agree with pp that have suggested maybe getting some help with managing your anxiety OP.

On the strength of just reading this thread I've had to mop my kitchen floor, wipe every surface and hoover the house. Anxiety isn't rational.

apinchofsugar · 08/10/2015 15:16

OP, others have already answer, and I agree, the shoes must be fine. Asbestos would be harmful for the surveyor himself, so pretty sure he wouldn't be taking the risk to cover himself in asbestos dust.

However, I do not like anyone to wear their outdoor shoes on my carpets where my babies crawl, so I wouldn't be too pleased regardless.

Just a quick thought, why not buying disposable shoe covers you can give next time a tradesman comes round? Something like this:

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Disposable-Plastic-Blue-Anti-Slip-Shoe-Covers-Cleaning-Overshoes-Protective-UK-/171725954376?var=&hash=item27fbaa1d48

nilbyname · 08/10/2015 17:21

op I apologise and I hope you get some RL help with your anxiety Flowers

Original poster
WigglyWorms5 · 08/10/2015 20:21

Thanks for the replies. I do suffer with anxiety and sympathetic responses understanding what anxiety is like do help but actually so does the "get a grip" and "unclench" because it makes me realise that it's not the normal way of thinking.

I have been to the GP and hopefully will get some help soon because, as those of you that understand what anxiety is like, this is my latest worry in a long line of worries and when one thing goes the next one comes along. I can only worry about one thing At a time if you see what I mean. At the moment I feel such a pollock as was worrying about the artex in our new house, turns out it's fine, but I feel like I potentially invited asbestos into our house as a result of abating the first worry ??

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 08/10/2015 20:24

Wiggly I was just like that. One worry would go and be replaced with another, and it was actually exhausting. You want your mind to just STFU.

Hopefully your GP can maybe get you some counselling, maybe a low dose of ADs. It really helped me. Flowers

Fairenuff · 08/10/2015 21:09

Artex can contain asbestos? I never knew that. Do I need to get my artex tested?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 10/10/2015 00:41

Depends when your house was built Faire, artex from before the mid 80s used white asbestos to strengthen it.

Nanny0gg · 10/10/2015 18:10

I'd not have worried about asbestos contamination, but outside shoes are not worn upstairs in my house.

He needs to get some shoe covers.

StompyFreckles · 10/10/2015 20:08

I didn't know this about artex either and love in a 1930s house with lots of it, including a crumbling ceiling. Should I get it checked?

Original poster
WigglyWorms5 · 11/10/2015 08:54

Stompy we had ours checked because we are wanting to do some work to the house which would involve disturbing the ceilings. If left undisturbed there is no danger. in fact the company that played it down said they're is such a minimal risk even if asbestos is disturbed because the fibres are bound into a matrix. They pretty much themselves admitted they get a lot of work from it because people don't like the thought of asbestos in their house and there's not a lot of the bad stuff left as that's all been cleared out of most houses

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 11/10/2015 09:03

The man would not be wearing asbestos contaminated clothing.

Think about it - why would he be risking his own health wandering about in asbestos covered clothing?

Original poster
WigglyWorms5 · 11/10/2015 09:41

I tell myself that but I still feel sick thinking about his shoes walking around their bedrooms and chucking his fleece over the back of a chair next to my baby's high chair. What if he thought he'd been safe but he hasn't. He wouldn't be able to see the fibres :-( I feel terribly worried about it

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 11/10/2015 09:48

Surely he wouldn't be wearing the same clothes at your house that would be used for asbestos removal. There really isn't anything to worry about

SitsOnFence · 11/10/2015 10:53

Hi Wiggly. Not sure if you read this link hidden in my rather rambling post a few days ago, but it is a summary of a scientific review of all the evidence around asbestos exposure, concluding that occasional exposure to asbestos poses hardly any risk for the general population. So, even if the man was covered in asbestos and even if those fibres somehow found their way into the air and into your childrens' lungs they are still not at risk from asbestos related illnesses.

Fairenuff · 11/10/2015 11:00

And presumably you have hoovered and wiped down after him anyway. There are more toxic chemicals in the air that we all breathe daily due to pollution than the tiny amount of non harmful asbestos that may or may not have remained in your house for an hour or so.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/10/2015 11:44

Wiggly - why would he be careless enough to get asbestos fibres on his boots or fleece?

He is not going to want to bring asbestos into his own home or car/van, is he?

If he was that careless, he would be at greatest risk, because the fibres will build up in his house and vehicle, and he would be in those environments for long periods of time. He would also be putting his family at risk.

His family and friends would be at far greater risk too - because he spends much, much longer with them than he spent at your house.

Do you honestly think he would put himself and his family at that sort of risk?

If you believe - as I do - that he is sure to be meticulously careful to avoid asbestos contamination (wearing overalls and overshoes whenever he deals with it, and disposing of those properly), because he wants to stay safe, and keep his family safe, then surely you can see how that will protect you and your children.

Please look at the facts and let them reassure you.

SoupDragon · 11/10/2015 13:19

I don't think anything we say is going to help you.

This is not about the asbestos at all, it is about your anxiety and that is going to cause you problems unless you take steps to help yourself get better.

The asbestos is a red herring.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/10/2015 14:08

I suffer from anxiety (along with depression and low self esteem), so I do know how easy it is for a worry to get its claws into you.

For months I have been worrying about how I would cope when ds3 went off to university, because then all three boys would be living away from home either permanently (ds1 graduated this year and is working hundreds of miles away) or during university term time. Dh works away from home a lot - his job changed a year ago, and he was moved to a different arm of the company so, instead of having an office half an hour away in Glasgow, his office is now on the Edgeware Road in London - so he is away long days, and often a night or two a week.

I had myself entirely convinced that I would not be able to cope - that the nights, in particular, would be awful. I had a picture of myself lying awake every night, alone in the darkness, convinced I was entirely alone in the world. I was sure it would catapult me back into deep depression, and that basically my entire life would disintegrate.

I was wrong. The boys have headed off to university/work and I have had the first few nights when dh has been away - and I was fine.

The OP's problem is that the issue she has fixated on is not one she can easily find evidence to disprove, in the way I have disproved my worries. We can give her the logical arguments, about how careful this chap will be, and why - but she is still imagining microscopic contamination of her home, and that fear is stronger than the logic at the moment.

I agree with those who have said she needs to seek help and support to deal with her anxiety issues - even if she accepts the logical arguments on this thread, and lets them defeat this particular fear, if she hasn't dealt with her anxiety itself, she could just move on to the next fear.

I look back now, and see so many times when I have let a stupid thing build up into a huge monster under the bed - it is not a good way or a happy way to live. I hope that she can get the help she needs, and live a happier, less stressed life.

Original poster
WigglyWorms5 · 11/10/2015 17:03

Thanks again for your replies. I think what I don't understand is he was wearing what he was wearing to take samples from my home - which was clear - but other homes aren't and he obviously samples them day in day out in those clothes. How can he not have asbestos on them? Or on his ladder which he used to access the ceilings?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 11/10/2015 17:14

How can he not have asbestos on them? Or on his ladder which he used to access the ceilings?

Easily. Did you see showers of potential asbestos dust raining down on him and all his tools?

But as I said, there is absolutely nothing we can say to reassure you.

Can you see that your level of worry about this is not rational? Eg I am terrified of spiders and yet I know that this fear is completely irrational.