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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so furious I can't even speak?

85 replies

PizzaLegs23 · 06/10/2015 20:49

I spent three weeks searching for a nursery furniture Set I wanted for our baby, due v soon. I managed to source it and get the people to offer me a good price. All my dh needed to do was go pick it up and pay with money I'd set aside. Told me he would do it Monday, he didn't. Said he would go today and didn't. I can't lift it as I'm heavily pregnant. It will obviously be sold and as its discontinued we won't why it anywhere else. I'm so angry I can't even speak to him and he keeps asking what's wrong with me. I feel I'm the only one pull weight in things like this, although he's great in other ways. AIBU?

OP posts:
BettinaMc · 06/10/2015 21:25

You are heavily pregnant - I would never tell a heavily pregnant woman YABU!!! When my changing table was arrived before DS was born it had the titchiest wee scratch on it - I went full on bat shit crazy - LOST THE PLOT!! Crying snotters everything. You're OH sounds like he's been a bit of a lazy arse but probably not worth never speaking to him again. Good luck with everything.

MistressMerryWeather · 06/10/2015 21:53

OP, don't worry, you don't sound incompatible and the posters who jumped on your control freak comment are being completely over the top.

I would want to thoroughly kick DHs arse for messing the people in the shop about like that. Especially if it was me who told them it would be sorted.

Next time he ask whats wrong with you tell him you're bloody pissed off and if he will get the stuff tomorrow.

Shutthatdoor · 06/10/2015 21:58

and the posters who jumped on your control freak comment are being completely over the top.

But the title is completely not OTT at all nor disproportionate reaction....

Isitchristmasyet4 · 06/10/2015 22:11

i think this could be your hormones OP.

Siriu5Black · 06/10/2015 22:31

you could always get a man in a van and give husband the bill Grin

NotMeUsNotIWe · 06/10/2015 22:33

I think you can be forgiven for the somewhat ott reaction op given you are pregnant.

Just a gentle word of warning though: you sound like you are the organiser, the person who likes things just so with maybe a bit of "well if I don't do it it won't get done". You yourself used the term control freak! I honestly think when DC come along its important not to think that way as you being the organiser becomes the default in the family. All fine and well while you're on maternity leave but not so much when you are back at work and everything from meal planning to arranging childcare becomes your responsibility. Basically you are left with all the thinking. There are two adults here, step back and let him take responsibility for organising the furniture.

Original poster
PizzaLegs23 · 06/10/2015 22:35

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
tricot39 · 07/10/2015 06:36

That does sound annoying but how about phoning up to pay a deposit over the phone?

diddl · 07/10/2015 07:07

He didn't collect yesterday because he wasn't in the area.

But what happened Monday when he also said he would do it?

Perhaps he shpuldn't give a specific day to the OP & say that it will be done this week for example?

OP how long will the shop hold it for?

Was it really necessary to tell them each time you thought that your OH would be going in?

Ohbehave1 · 07/10/2015 07:36

I guess his work isn't important as the furniture.......

Perhaps he says he will go because the "Control Freak" in you scares him and he feels he can't say no.

diddl · 07/10/2015 07:41

I think that OP is getting a hard time here.

If I ask my husband to do something & he says he will then I expect him to do it.

OP, is the problem that your husband doesn't know where he will be working from day to day so doesn't know when he will be in the area for sure?

If so, then he should just say so!

SouthAmericanCuisine · 07/10/2015 08:08

diddl you're assuming that the OP asked her DH, though. It's possible that she told him what to do, with the expectation of his compliance.

poolsclosed · 07/10/2015 08:14

You're not being unreasonable, OP. I'd be super mad about that too!

NotMeUsNotIWe is right though. Let your DH sort it. Smile

diddl · 07/10/2015 08:16

True, true, could be OP didn't tell him where the stuff would need collecting from before she sourced it.

It does also sound like miscommunication to me.

OP, does he know that you are worried about it being sold?

Does he think that it will be there indefinitely waiting for him?

What I also meant is that if my husband can't do something I'd expect him to tell me, not say yes to appease me with the intention of never doing it.
(That may not be the case here, of course).

I'd also expect that he did it at his own convenience, but if it was something I was looking forward to I probably might be asking too often, "did you pick up X today?"Blush

Also, if something needed doing within a time limit, I'd probably be offering a reminder as it drew nearer.

BertrandRussell · 07/10/2015 08:20

I would probably call this a mildly pissed off situation, not a so furious you can't speak one.

But I generally think being so furious you can hardly speak with people is best avoided unless something really super bad has happened.............

Fratelli · 07/10/2015 08:35

Yabu for being too furious to speak! Yanbu for being annoyed a bit though. Can you pay over the phone? Or go pay for it so dh can pick it up when he is in the area?
At the end of the day it's just furniture, not the end of the world. The most important thing is you're getting a baby soon! If you don't get the furniture you want it will irritate you but when you see the baby in it you won't care!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/10/2015 08:40

Can you get it delivered, or would that cost too much? TBH I totally understand your feelings, I hate saying someone will do something on a particular day and then they don't do it, makes me look a fucking idiot as much as them.

There's no good reason he hasn't done it, he just CBA because he can't see the problem. If you have a credit card, and can pay with that instead of cash, pay them over the phone then he can pick it up whenever. BUt at least you'll know it hasn't been sold out from under you (Yes this part of it would drive me batshit, tbh)

HOWEVER. I wouldn't be "too furious to speak", DH would be getting it with both barrels until he fully realised how important it was to his comfort to go and fetch the stuff!

shovetheholly · 07/10/2015 08:45

Great post thumbwitches

I would be cross too - not furious, but there would most definitely be a furrowed brow at such behaviour. Especially if I'd spent ages trying to find the set I liked at a decent price to save some cash! (This can take so much time!).

PlaysWellWithOthers · 07/10/2015 08:50

OP, if you're so furious with him that you can't speak to him over what is, in the grand scheme of things, quite a small issue I know it doesn't feel like it now, but in 3 months time it will do it suggests to me that there is more going on. More like a stream of embuggerances, with this one being the final straw?

People who say they will do things who then fail to do them are seriously annoying. Is DH usually this unreliable? sorry, in a rush so not RTFT Is he planning to be this unreliable when you have a third person so care for?

Rather than concentrate your ire on a furniture set, it might be advisable to sit down with him and discuss how his behaviour is going to affect you all when the baby is here.

I tend not to get so furious I CAN'T speak, more so furious that speaking would be inadvisable if I want to be able to continue to have cordial relations with the person I am angry with!

Topseyt · 07/10/2015 09:02

Put down a deposit by phone, say you'll be over on Saturday with your DH to collect it, and then get him to drive you in the van on Saturday.

That way you make certain things get done as you want them to.

Shutthatdoor · 07/10/2015 09:04

sorry, in a rush so not RTFT

Al your points have been covered Wink

Lambzig · 07/10/2015 09:06

I can totally understand why you are getting so cross. I don't consider myself a control freak, but DH does stuff like this all the time usually with the comment "I didn't have chance".

DD was off school Friday and Monday as she was unwell. Yesterday morning was the last chance to submit school dinner choices so that she gets free school dinners for the next fortnight. DH does the school run on Tuesday mornings. I had the form completed, reminded him about it the night before, reminded him in the morning ("stop going on about it"), and put the form under his keys and mobile phone before I left for work. It was still on the table when I got home last night.

Guess who will be making DD's packed lunches for the next fortnight, because it wont be me.

I don't think YABU at all, it would drive me crazy.

PeopleLieActionsDont · 07/10/2015 09:23

This isn't just about the furniture though - it's about the wider problem of her dh not pulling his finger out when it comes to things that need doing for the family.

Yes, he was at work yesterday, but when you are a parent you don't get to do work or family stuff. You have to fit both into your days. The OP is pg, working, sorting their mortgage and finding things for the baby.

Quite a lot of men seem to think that if they are going to work it entitles them to do little else.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/10/2015 09:29

people spot on.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/10/2015 09:37

Absolutely agree with you, People.