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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to keep the truth to myself.

55 replies

Justacleaner · 06/10/2015 11:54

Long time lurker... be gentle.

The company I work for is an extremely small cliquey place and the director is prone to pick favourites. His wife works in the HR department and his two daughters on reception.
Last weekend DH and I went to a gig a good 50 miles away from our home which required an over night stay.
As we turn up at the hotel we have booked I spotted directors car in the car park and commented how I hoped boss and wife wasn't at the same gig Hmm
We grabbed our bags and went to check in and sat in the bar was the boss with our 18 year old male office junior.
We all spotted each other and we all panicked a bit. I just turned and walked up the corridor which maybe looked like I was storming off in anger. I wasn't though I was just shocked to see them together.
DH later told me boss had approached him and told him that they were at a work type conference in the area.
The office junior Is very very openly gay and by the sounds of his stories hes a bit promiscuous.
Anyway Monday morning at work he pulls me into the office and asks if I had a good weekend. And suddenly launched into a speech about the conference and how it was a waste of time. Best not mention it too wife as she will think I'm wasting money etc.
From then he's been overtly nice. The other office girls are a bit Hmm because I've never been a favourite, I just blend in.
The junior has been dying to get my attention and keeps asking to go and get lunch with him. I'm sure he wants to give me gory details (vom) and swear me to secrecy. I'm quite happy to believe they were at a conference. head in sand
Aibu in telling him I won't tell his wife what I saw if we can just go back to normal and him and the junior leaves me alone?

OP posts:
chairmeoh · 06/10/2015 11:56

I wouldn't talk to either of them about it. Just carry on as normal and they'll get the message that you want to 'keep out of it'. They'll soon stop trying to talk to you about it.

Itsmine · 06/10/2015 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueMoonRising · 06/10/2015 12:09

This might be a good time to negotiate a payrise...

lizzydrippingsghost · 06/10/2015 12:12

his poor wife, i think id really struggle to keep my mouth shut even though it non of my business

PerspicaciaTick · 06/10/2015 12:30

Unfortunately, I suspect that your future with the company is limited and that the Director will be looking for reasons to ease you out asap. It is simply too risky for you to be around his family.

So, sadly, I'd start job hunting.

SharkSkinThing · 06/10/2015 12:34

None of your busienss, I say, just keep out of it! You don't know for sure that anything happened...

His wife may 'know' more about him than you think but is happy witht the situation as it is, and won't take too kindly to someone pointing it out to her..Smile

SharkSkinThing · 06/10/2015 12:34

Business, even...

BitOutOfPractice · 06/10/2015 12:35

I think you're wrong Perspicacia - I think the director will very much not want to upset the OP

What a tricky situation OP. I think I'd keep schtum

knittingdad · 06/10/2015 12:38

Have to be careful about that sort of thing @BlueMoonRising. Could end up in prison for blackmail.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/10/2015 12:38

I doubt the OP is going to be sacked, that would only increase the likelihood of her telling the director's wife. Especially as the wife works in the HR department, so would likely be involved in the process of sacking.

If the director speaks to you again, say that you have no interest at all in conferences and don't intend to mention it to anyone, but that the junior is quite chatty and not the most private person so there is more likelihood of him mentioning it. Then, if it all comes out, the director won't assume that it came from you.

Rivercam · 06/10/2015 12:38

I wouldn't mention it.

Bit out - always wondered how to spell Schtum.

wowfudge · 06/10/2015 12:40

Could be an interesting exit interview with HR.

I'd tell the junior you just want to be left to get on with your work. No discussion necessary.

CloakAndJagger · 06/10/2015 12:41

He must think you're stupid, as if a director takes an office junior to a conference. Oh heck!

Stay out of it. Don't say anything and don't go out to lunch with the junior. This will blow up sooner or later and you want to be well away from the blast when it does.

By the way, when did you last get a payrise?

MaidOfStars · 06/10/2015 12:43

Ooof, tricky.

You have the choice to demonstrate either your ability to be discrete or your willingness to be true to your moral code, both of which could be desirable in an employee Smile

The boss has given you a plausible if bollocks excuse. If it comes up again, I would just say "Why on earth would I discuss your conference attendance with anyone?". If you can raise one eyebrow, I would do so while saying this Grin I agree that he won't want to rock the boat with you.

I would avoid the office junior - just tell him you don't want to hear about the conference.

OnlyLovers · 06/10/2015 12:45

I'd say you're going to be too busy for lunch for the foreseeable and hope he gets the hint.

If there is shit it will hit the fan eventually though. Just don't get involved.

Muckogy · 06/10/2015 12:46

yep - keep your mouth shut.
although you're probably in a better position at work now than you ever were before you saw them on a date. i'd imagine the boss will be nice to you from now on because you caught him on a gay date.
say nothing but consider this a little bonus.
i would go to lunch with the young guy only because i'm a nosey caaaah.

reni2 · 06/10/2015 13:15

Congratulations on securing a job for a lifetime should you want it. With little hassle and steady progression, no steep rises, but no demotions either. No worries about a worse role after maternity leave... If you keep quiet that is.

MaidOfStars · 06/10/2015 13:24

How many of you would keep quiet in return for guaranteed career?

BlueMoonRising · 06/10/2015 13:25

Knittingdad, who suggested blackmail? I didn't.

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/10/2015 13:27

Oh god this is tricky isn't it.

you don't know that anything was dodgy here. just because the junior o's gay doesn't mean that it was a romantic outing. might just be two friends at a gig who like the same music and the wife doesn't.

but if they are together then the wife really needs to know so she cab get herself tested fir STIs as there's no way to know they are practicing safe sex and even if they are the junior might not be with the other people he's been with. who knows.

tbh I don't think.id say anything unless I was absolutely sure that there was a romantic element. a gay man and a man out together does not equal a date any more than a man and a woman out together.

PacificMouse · 06/10/2015 13:34

I would say too that you need to keep up with yourself.
I would avoid the young man and his gory details but if he is actually not shy in sharing these things ta likely that the word will go out.
And then the question will be: where is it coming from?
Or the director might well be getting very worried and anxious you'll spill the beans.

So yes I would be looking for another job too.

PeasinPod1 · 06/10/2015 13:35

Giles it was the weekend, it was 50 miles away from home, in a hotel...pretty clear it wasn't just professional or friendly IMO. Also why take the office junior to a conference rather than anyone else? Why not drive back afterwards if only 50 miles?

OP think you keep shtum but would definitely think about asking for a pay rise in a few months...this has caused you worry/stress so why shouldn't you get something positive in return? Definition of blackmail= "Blackmail is an act, often a crime, involving unjustified threats to make a gain or cause loss to another unless a demand is met. Essentially, it is coercion involving threats of physical harm, threat of criminal prosecution, or threats for the purposes of taking the person's money or property." Not the case here at all as OP wouldn't be threatening anything.

Janeymoo50 · 06/10/2015 13:39

Keep clear of both of them, their business (mess), if indeed anything is happening.

Although obvs you need to update us as and when the sheet hits then fan.

Original poster
Justacleaner · 06/10/2015 13:48

The husband suggested a pay rise Grin
I really really just want to stay out of it. It's just making me really uncomfortable when he strolls in asking me if I want anything from Costa and ignoring the other five girls in the office.
I wouldn't tell anyone out of malice but I don't want to be his little secret keeper.
I think everyone would be shocked if they found out. As far as we all knew they were a perfect family unit.

OP posts:
Backforthis · 06/10/2015 13:51

Do you love your job? If so, keep your head down and don't say anything. If you don't, you might want to start looking for a new one. I doubt the director would sack you but if this whole mess comes out it could well be mentioned by the junior that you knew. I doubt you'd find the director's wife or daughters very forgiving of you even if they choose to forgive him. People don't like others knowing their dirty laundry.