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AIBU?

Inlaws are decorating for me - but nothing good enough!

72 replies

babyiwantabump · 06/10/2015 11:49

Now I probably am BU as am pregnant and hormonal but -

In laws are currently painting our bedroom for us as I have a toddler and OH at work . Very grateful - they are doing a fab job but it's just little things that are driving me batty!

For example - I bought paint trays - not good enough . They wanted a bowl or jug so they actually took my good Pyrex jug and used that to decant paint into - now it's ruined !

I bought a paint stirrer - not good enough they have used a serving spoon out of the cutlery drawer.

I bought satin wood gloss - they bought there own shiny horrible gloss as they prefer that - I don't! They also used this on the radiator when I had bought radiator paint as the radiator paint wasn't shiny high gloss!!

Just Grrrrrr! I am very grateful but it's just like WTF!!

(Dons hard hat! Prepares to be told IABU!)

OP posts:

Report

OnlyLovers · 06/10/2015 12:34

I have no sense of humour about stuff like this.

'PILs, I've bought and provided all the things I wanted you to use but you've used paint I didn't like and ruined some of my kitchenware. Thanks for the kind offer of decorating but we're going to finish it ourselves.'

Actually your DH should say it, not you.

babyiwantabump · 06/10/2015 12:34

OH worships the ground his parents walk on - they can do no wrong in his eyes and he will probably say that what they did looked better etc etc

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/10/2015 12:35

You would probably need to strip the radiator as when it heats up the paint cracks. Hence why you have radiator paint. Think they have done more damage than it is worth.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 06/10/2015 12:35

Not unreasonable at all.

BTW, they are not doing you a favour if they are not using the paints that you wanted on your walls and surfaces or if they are using your utensils in the wrong way.

Take a walk up to the room that they are decorating and be hyper critical about the work that they are doing. Say that they've 'missed a spot' pointing at the entire wall that hasn't been painted with your paint. Point out to them that there are coasters provided so that they don't leave rings on your furniture.

If you were paying for this, you would expect the decorator to use the coasters, paint and equipment that you provided for this purpose.

Or just say to your DH that you now need him to stop off on the way home as you need to replace the jug and spoon etc. and that if his folks don't use the paint that you selected, you're going to arrange for the decorator to arrive tomorrow to redo the job to your requirements.

Try to keep calm though. This too shall pass.

MissFitt68 · 06/10/2015 12:39

Which gloss have they used? If it's not water based then the high voc content isn't good for children or pregnant women!

OurBlanche · 06/10/2015 12:41

That's a good idea. You will still have the paint and money you set aside for the professionals. Wait until the ILs have finished, taken pictures and smiled a lot. Then get the pros in to make it all good.

DO NOT ask your OH. Just do it. If he moans tell him, had he discussed your reservations and dealt with the problem as it was occurring, rather than palming you off, it wouldn't have had to happen.

YANBU, not even a little bit!

StayWithMe · 06/10/2015 12:42

I bet you'll never complain about them doing nothing for you again.

TremoloGreen · 06/10/2015 12:42

Oh dear. Kind of them to offer, but they should do it your way or not bother, otherwise it's not really 'help' is it?

Incidentally, what is it with in-laws (or the older generation generally??) and gloss paint? DPIL asked my advice on decorating their house as I enjoy picking out schemes and do lots of DIY. Gave them all my best advice, they were going to ask their decorator to do the hallway and stairwell in Diamond Matt. Come back, it's all been painted in Almond White eggshell. Also advised them about bathroom paint and a colour to go with their off-white (slight warm undertone) bathroom tiles. Come back, it's been done in a very cool pale green eggshell. They also paired the lovely wall tiles with some really cheap-looking 12x12 black vinyl tiles

I've stopped putting any effort into researching or giving them advice at all, just go, 'yeah - matt emulsion, Timeless' every time they ask as they'll just ignore anyway.

Twickerhun · 06/10/2015 12:43

I do want to know what else they do!
I would be furious.

ijustwannadance · 06/10/2015 12:43

I would paint over the gloss before they come again. They may be doing you a favour but it is complete disrespect to you and like they are putting you in your place. Make hubby ask why the ruined your jug, spoon when you had provided correct equipment and ignored the paint YOU chose for YOUR home. Then tell them you will be getting a decorator to redo the woodwork/rads.

I think the shiny gloss obsession is an age thing. My dad always used it. Would argue it looked better/easier to use blah blah blah.

TremoloGreen · 06/10/2015 12:44

Can you not stop them before they paint the radiator in gloss paint or has it already been done? Along the lines of 'please don't do another coat of that, because I'll need to paint over it with the radiator paint I bought'...

MissFitt68 · 06/10/2015 12:44

But eggshell is for wood surfaces! Not walls

MissFitt68 · 06/10/2015 12:45

And all gloss will now need to be sanded, you can't just simply paint over gloss. So it's extra work

BarbarianMum · 06/10/2015 12:47

If you are happy to pay for a ecorator, you can still do that once they've finished. And if they've saved you the cost of a decorator, then I'm sure you'll be able to replace the jug and spoon.

Cover the chest of drawers with newspaper if they won't use coasters.

Maybe it depends on the gloss you use but I stopped buying radiator paint years ago and have found that gloss works just fine.

diddl · 06/10/2015 12:47

What's left to do?

Is it worth telling them not to bother anymore?

And if they ask is their work not good enough tell them well no it isn't!

TremoloGreen · 06/10/2015 12:48

MissFitt68 Yeah, I know. It looks rubbish. Their decorator needs shooting for agreeing to do it. They want it to be wipe-clean, dunno why as no pets or children.

OnlyLovers · 06/10/2015 12:49

In that case, tell them yourself and when your DH kicks off tell him that seeing as he seems not to have a backbone, you had to use yours instead.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/10/2015 12:49

"OH worships the ground his parents walk on - they can do no wrong in his eyes"

You have a serious problem on your hands not just in the shape of his overbearing parents but in the shape of this man as well. He needs to grow a spine and stand up for his own family unit now. He likely won't though; some men simply cave in their parents presence and he may just roll over for want of a quiet life.

You may not want to offend them but that is what they are counting on. Its their way only as far as they are concerned; that is why they did not use the pain you bought. They will and already have given the two of you no consideration at all here.

Being nice to such overbearing people does not work and simply ends up with you being walked over and feeling used. You now have a substandard painting job in your house which will need redoing by a decorator (as well as some ruined kitchen equipment).

At the very least you must absolutely now raise your all too low boundaries with these people. This type of stuff will happen over and over again otherwise. If he cannot do this, you absolutely need to.

zipzap · 06/10/2015 12:54

I'd text or email dh and ask him to buy some paint stripper on the way home so that he can get rid of the gloss as soon as possible so that it can be put right before the baby arrives. I'd be tempted to accidentally copy PIL in on the message too.

If it's the wrong sort of paint that is bad for babies and pg women then even better in so far as you have got a good reason to get rid of the paint asap - rather than letting PIL talk to DH and convince him that their ideas are the best ones.

I'd also burst into tears and rush out of the room that they've done when you go up to see it, especially if they are there, and ask them why they hate you so much that they've used horrible shiny paint everywhere and colour on the walls if you get home and discover that too later on! because they need to know that it's wrong to volunteer to do something but do it their way rather than the way you want it to be in your own home. And you can subsequently blame it on pg hormones afterwards - and if they get upset by it, you can just say what did they expect, you're in prime nesting mode, you thought they were going to help you and you were all excited, then you get home to discover that it doesn't look how you were imagining it would but so much worse and that you've now got an even bigger job to do in getting rid of all the awful shiny paint to get it done properly. And that yes, if you weren't pg you might have been more diplomatic but the fact still remains that even if you weren't pg, you'd still be really upset and angry at their abuse of your trust in letting them decorate after they'd volunteered because if you knew they were not going to do it properly then it would have been easier to have got the decorators in to do a good job.

And there was a thread on here in the last day or two about people doing favours that caused more problems than they were worth - they had a great name for them which I can't remember now but worth a look at the thread!

x2boys · 06/10/2015 12:55

Dh is painting our bedroom right now too i,m struggling to understand why the would put paint into a jug how would they fit a roller into a jug he used a pencil to stir the paint!

SquinkiesRule · 06/10/2015 12:56

Just call the decorator and have him correct it all after they are gone. Madness who ruins other peoples kitchen stuff by doing this stuff, rude!

SpringTown46 · 06/10/2015 12:59

It's a relationship issue really OP, not a decorating one.

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UKSky · 06/10/2015 13:01

It is rude of them to do something different to what you asked, but if you have a generally good relationship with them, perhaps suck it up and get it done quietly at some time in the future.

Or you could, try the - that's absolutely fabulous and we're really appreciative that you've helped us out but DP really wanted this colour/finish (this is what I do with ILs, just let you DP know you're going to say it).

With regards to the gloss paint, many, many years ago if you wanted a hardwearing durable paint, it had to be gloss. Times and technologies have moved on but try telling my FIL that

And now, the bit that had me agog all the way through the thread. Why are your jug and spoon ruined. I am assuming the jug is glass and the spoon is metal? If so, the paint can be cleaned out, with whatever product is appropriate for the type of paint. Then wash in hot soapy water, and rinse several times in really, really hot water. Good as new.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/10/2015 13:08

Buy a new jug and a new spoon.

And a new handbag with the money you saved on the decorator.

See? It's all better now

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/10/2015 13:09

You won't even glance at the radiator in your bedroom so don't stress about that either :)

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