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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel annoyed with 'd'h

32 replies

LazySusan11 · 05/10/2015 23:25

I had an operation yesterday nothing major but had a GA and was in overnight was discharged and home late this afternoon.

Dh says he has agreed to go on a colleagues leaving meal tonight, fine they're also really good friends. Says he doesn't feel great so won't drink and be home by 10pm.

He left at 5.30pm (collected) didn't text me once to check if I was alright and has just arrived home pissed and stinking of beer.

I can't get up and move freely due to the op I had I'm in some discomfort and unable to sleep well. He thinks AIBU for asking him to sleep elsewhere so I don't have to smell him or hear him snore.

AIBU thinking he's selfish?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/10/2015 23:28

Na I'm with you man. If it was the other way around would you have went out and got pissed and expect him to like it?

Junosmum · 05/10/2015 23:39

YANBU

M00nUnit · 06/10/2015 00:27

You're right, he's been very selfish. I'd be annoyed too - you had a GA and he didn't even call/text you tonight to see how you were doing? Sorry you're so uncomfortable - hope you heal up quickly and feel better soon!

nameinlights · 06/10/2015 01:42

Yanbu. You've had an operation. He's being thoughtless. I'd be really pissed off.

BiggaBanga · 06/10/2015 02:05

You've just come home after an operation under a general anaesthetic and he buggers off to his mate's leaving do! Hope he doesn't expect you to get him a full ENGLISH breakfast before he goes off to work in the morning. He's a bit of a twat if you ask me. Can't you spray him with scent or deodorant?

Original poster
LazySusan11 · 06/10/2015 03:48

He's not usually so thoughtless, he's on the sofa. I wouldn't have done the same if the shoe were on the other foot.

I'm glad it's not me being precious! Unreasonable git.

OP posts:
Senpai · 06/10/2015 04:20

Last time I had an operation, my DH was actually concerned about my well being and went out and got me my favorite food, made me coffee when I wanted it, and generally pampered me.

Your DH is an asshole.

Do you have anything loud and obnoxious to play early tomorrow morning?

zebra22 · 06/10/2015 08:02

YANBU what if you had a reaction to the GA and needed help? I thought you were meant to have someone with you after that

Original poster
LazySusan11 · 06/10/2015 08:35

I just ventured downstairs to find he's put a wash on, 60 degrees..whites and other colours together. I want to kill him. Is he being a dick on purpose? I swear he's never been this stupid or thoughtless.

He just seems to not care, at all.

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 06/10/2015 08:40

Ha! That's almost genius... Now when you get annoyed about the washing, he can be all dramatic and throw his hands in the air and say "even when I try to help you it's never good enough!"

gamerchick · 06/10/2015 08:45

stop the washing machine and drain it. No point in ruining stuff just so he can make a point.

Marynary · 06/10/2015 08:46

He has been really selfish and thoughtless. I would be really angry with him too.

Original poster
LazySusan11 · 06/10/2015 08:52

He's said 'don't you lie there calling ME lazy' what's the matter with him?? It's like he's had a personality switch. My usually very nice husband has turned into a lazy uncaring knob!

OP posts:
Horsemad · 06/10/2015 09:02

Do you normally do everything houseworkwise? I wonder if he's being passive aggressive arsey because you're needing his 'help' ?

Whatever the reason, he IS being a knob, don't let him off with this attitude!

LadyMacmuffintop · 06/10/2015 09:11

YADNBU - he's being hideous and selfish. Poor you - here; Flowers Brew
wishing you a speedy recovery and him a big dose of guilt!

Liomsa · 06/10/2015 09:15

Put it this way, I would probably now be dead if my DH went out on the piss the day I came home after a GA. I had some kind of delayed reaction to the GA (exacerbated by an underlying health condition I didn't know about, as I was a perfectly healthy 24 year old just having pins put in a broken leg) and had to be blue-lighted to hospital after being discharged ten hours earlier with no apparent complications. The first I knew of it was when I woke up in the high-dependency unit. DH hadn't been able to rouse me and called 999.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/10/2015 09:20

I also wonder if he is resenting having to care for you. I don't think he sees that as his "natural" role i.e. it is your job to look after him.

Hobbes8 · 06/10/2015 09:26

It doesn't seem to take much to turn some seemingly reasonable men into arseholes, does it? It's alarming really.

Original poster
LazySusan11 · 06/10/2015 09:27

He isn't very good if I'm unwell (which is rare) I'm the one who gets stuff done. I work away at times so he is capable of doing things.

He's been out, bought me flowers and magazines, I know I should be grateful however i'd rather he apologised for coming home drunk and showed he cared without thinking he has to buy me something.

Now he's just mithering, roll on tomorrow when he's back to work.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/10/2015 09:27

Is he hung over? He must be. How weird about the personality transplant.

Horsemad · 06/10/2015 09:31

I'm guessing he thinks 'in sickness and in health' doesn't apply to him Hmm

mummytime · 06/10/2015 09:34

Gosh are you sure you want to grow old with him?

BitOutOfPractice · 06/10/2015 09:36

Hmmm...so you said he was "fine" to go out? So he went out. Possibly decided on the hoof to have a beer (you know that this can happen) and then time passes a bit too fast and he thinks "Shit! I was supposed to be home an hour ago!" and comes home. I woudn't write him off completely as a selfish arse. Just got this one a bit wrong I'd say (and no I am not usually an apologist for arseholes)

The stuff this morning...I'm struggling to come up with a charitable explanation for that though tbh...

WizardOfToss · 06/10/2015 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topaz25 · 06/10/2015 09:49

Do you normally take a caring role in the relationship and do all the laundry etc? It does sound like he resents having to take responsibility, which is VU of him. He shouldn't have left you alone after a GA.

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