To feel annoyed with 'd'h

[LazySusan11]

I had an operation yesterday nothing major but had a GA and was in overnight was discharged and home late this afternoon.

Dh says he has agreed to go on a colleagues leaving meal tonight, fine they're also really good friends. Says he doesn't feel great so won't drink and be home by 10pm.

He left at 5.30pm (collected) didn't text me once to check if I was alright and has just arrived home pissed and stinking of beer.

I can't get up and move freely due to the op I had I'm in some discomfort and unable to sleep well. He thinks AIBU for asking him to sleep elsewhere so I don't have to smell him or hear him snore.

AIBU thinking he's selfish?

I felt absolutely awful for days after a GA. So so tearful and down.

Please don't downplay the operation you have had. Rest for the day.

The long and the short of it is that he shouldn't have gone out. He should have known that all by himself but you saying it was fine muddied the waters. It shouldn't have, he should have known but ykwim

Anyway, I hope you feel a bit better today OP

He's now very apologetic, I don't think either of us realised how rubbish I'd feel. How can someone who professes to love you so much dib out when it counts?

He isn't great at coping when he can't help, I'm the one who just gets on with stuff. Whatever his reasoning I think he's an arse.

yeah he's an arse. i feel sorry for you.

His attitude stinks - I hope the apologies it's taken him so long to dredge up are heartfelt and he bloody well makes it up to you.

Like a pp, I had post-op complications very soon after I was discharged which meant I was ambulanced back to hospital, put straight on morphine and kept in for four more days. Had I been on my own I'm not sure I'd have been in any fit state to call for help. Him going off for a meal was incredibly irresponsible really and then to get the arse when you objected to his stink was ridiculous.

I do think some men (and, to be fair, maybe some women too though I've no personal experience) demonstrate an immature form of jealousy when their nearest and dearest are ill. They can't 'let' you have a headache for example without claiming they have a migraine, and if you say you feel tired they claim 'exhaustion' in response. I think they do this pathetic one-upmanship so the help and consideration most people would usually offer when their partner feels under the weather is swerved, effectively they're saying 'don't expect any help from me 'cos I feel worse than you'. It's lazy petulance. However, they obviously can't claim to feel 'worse' than someone who's just had an op so they chuck a strop instead - being nasty, deliberately messing up the small bit of 'help' they do manage or, as you found, buggering off altogether. It's a really horrid trait and smacks to me of someone who can't bear it when they're not the centre of attention and/or have to suffer the 'indignity' of performing menial tasks they usually avoid.

I realised I never said thank you for the lovely well wishes, how rude of me. Thank you

Are you feeling better Op? Hope so! And I hope your DH has been rather more considerate.