To cancel dd's birthday party

[Puttheheatingon]

She'll be 8.

Her behaviour at home is absolutely diabolical. Screams at us, refuses to even attempt to do as she's told, yells, screeches, won't do homework, is vile to her sister and her parents and she makes home life a misery.

I've threatened to cancel if she continues screeching us and hurling abuse at us but she's started up again.

AIBU to carry through with this threat so that she might understand she cannot behave like this?

I really wouldn't cancel the party. If you do what incentive is there to behave after that?

I think you and your DH need to discuss her behaviour together and agree what is acceptable and what is not. Then build in a system of Instant rewards and punishments. For my DC this is things like loss of Xbox time or pocket money.

I think YWBVU to cancel the party. It will not improve her behaviour, she will be so upset she is likely to be worse.

You and your DH need to have a strategy in place that you both follow to deal with her outbursts.

In years to come I doubt she will remember why her birthday party was cancelled. What she will remember though is that you cancelled it.
Personally I think birthday parties are important events that make lifetime memories and not something to use as rewards or punishment.
I would try and find another approach to help her behaviour. I have a fiery 7 year old and when she feels like shouting she tries to take herself somewhere quiet to cool down. Would something like that help or is it not really a anger control issue?

I think you should deal with the behaviour separately from the Birthday Party. Obviously the behaviour is not acceptable but a cruel punishment is unlikely to remedy it. Everyone has the right to feel loved and special on their birthday IMO.

It's good that you managed to have a good chat earlier. tbh I can understand why she is annoyed if the teacher made her apologise and hug a girl that she doesn't want to be friends with.

I wouldn't threaten to cancel a party as punishment. Hopefully you won't need to. Now that you know what is upsetting her, you can support her to deal with it. And if that means respecting that she doesn't want to be friends with the other girl, and asking the school to respect how she feels, then that's what I would do. Our rule is that you do not have to play with anyone who treats you badly.

I watched my friend go through this earlier in the year. Her DD gave her such a hard time and there were continuous empty threats of a cancelled party. She is the same age as your dd and of course the party went ahead she knew her mum wouldn't do it.
this child has serious lack of boundaries and Her behaviour is diabolical.
It's such a shame your ddnis making things a misery at home but maybe there is a factor is over indulgence that has to do with it.

Dd has been a model child today. No rudeness, practiced her instruments without being asked, had fun showing me her favourite Gary Barlow tracks on YouTube (I love this child), helped her sister with her reading.

I'm hoping that she's realising when she's lovely, there's just loveliness in return.