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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Term time absence - WIBU?

73 replies

Podsandpeas1 · 04/10/2015 08:48

DH works away often ; for this reason , we have had very little family time over the summer .

We also couldn't afford the extortionate holiday prices anyway.

DH family live abroad. MIL called last night and has kindly offered to fly out and host our family and both BIL's family for a few days in the middle of December .

It would be for 4 days - Saturday through Tuesday .

We are the only ones with a school aged child (5). Therefore , DD1 would miss two days of school .

DH thinks we should go and accept the fine as we haven't had any time together .

I'm a little nervous of getting a telling off from the school Blush

We would never lie to school about being ill etc.

WWYD?

Would we even be fined for two days?

I'm torn ! Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Podsandpeas1 · 04/10/2015 10:31

nettletheelf the bit about "telling off" was tongue in cheek - hence the blush face Hmm

Grow up ? Really ! Hmm

OP posts:
SouthAmericanCuisine · 04/10/2015 10:31

I'm going to sit firmly on the fence as to whether you should go or not, but will respond to those posters saying it's unlikely you'll be fined.

While this absence on its own may be unlikely to elicite a fine, if your DDs overall attendance drops, particularly if she has further unauthorised absences this academic year, the school may revisit this incident and fine you retrospectively.

ilovesooty · 04/10/2015 10:31

Nettle that's a bit uncalled for. She wasn't sure about the consequences which was why she asked.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2015 10:39

enjoy your holiday!!! it will be a rich learning experience for your dd.

Hmm
SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2015 10:42

It might be worth making it clear to MIL that no matter how lovely she wants to be, asking you to take your DD out of school in term-time is unfair, as any consequences will come back onto you, not her.

And of course you're not going to turn down a paid-for holiday, as was crystal clear in your OP.

EnglishRose1320 · 04/10/2015 11:16

My OH works away a lot and we have taken our DS's out of school for 2 days last year and the year before so we could have a long weekend away, the first was a chance to have a last holiday with MIL before her dementia became too advanced and the second was a one off chance for our DS's to meet their relatives from Australia, the first one was authorised, the second wasn't, same headteacher. Headteachers do still have the right to authorise absence and in theory if your attendance is high enough and you can not arrange it at another time they can but don't always.

ilovesooty · 04/10/2015 11:19

The law has changed. Holidays are not a reason for absence that headteachers can now authorise.

EnglishRose1320 · 04/10/2015 11:28

A general holiday is no longer permissable however the gov website states that the only time a holiday will be authorised is if you meet the exceptional circumstances criteria, they agreed for us we could not see family during term time due to DP's work, there is a section about forces families and although he is not in the forces the shift pattern he works meant the school could use that. Although only the first year and not the second with no clear reason for the different decision. Essentially any sensible school isn't going to mind you going, not all will feel they can authorise it but they really won't mind you going, they have to jump through hoops as well but they understand family life isn't simple.

EnglishRose1320 · 04/10/2015 11:29

Sorry that should say they agreed we couldn't during holiday time!

swimmerforlife · 04/10/2015 11:33

Go for it OP, life's too short.

I will be doing it when DS starts school as my family live abroad and I want to take him home for Christmas.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 04/10/2015 11:35

To be honest I would probably have challenged the chicken pox issue. If she wasn't fit to fly then she wasn't fit to go to school. They can and do get things wrong. I challenged them when all three dc were recorded as holiday when we in hospital all day with all three of them. I said (jokily) that if that was their ideas of a holiday then maybe next time they would spend all day in hospital occupying them between treatment! The code was changed.

swimmerforlife · 04/10/2015 11:39

I'm organising a team christmas lunch for the people who want to come it will cost about £10 for a nice cafe lunch. Mainly to celebrate what a fantastic year we've had but for the people who want to avoid the big company do if they can't afford it, no babysitters, don't fancy getting to dressed up to the nines etc.

swimmerforlife · 04/10/2015 11:39

Gah wrong thread guys, sorry!

specialsubject · 04/10/2015 11:50

go. Be honest. Don't make a habit of it. Make sure MIL doesn't do it again.

but don't lie. Presumably as it is four days you aren't going very far, so the 'once in a lifetime' won't wash.

sashh · 05/10/2015 05:32

All children are allowed 2 days for 'religious' observance, any chance you will visit a church / temple / mosque / insert as appropriate.

MidniteScribbler · 05/10/2015 05:57

Two days is not going to make a difference to her education at this stage.

However, it would be worth having a friendly chat to your MIL and explaining the situation with taking holidays in term time now that DD has started school (and it sounds like their are younger children as well that will be impacted in future years) and asking if she could please take that in to consideration the next time that she offers to fly you all over on holidays. People who don't have children in school often just don't think about things like term dates and may need a gentle reminder.

Mistigri · 05/10/2015 06:00

Just go, enjoy yourself, and stop caring so much.

I'd never book a holiday in term time to save money, but I would take two days off in these circumstances without a second's hrsitation.

If the school won't authorise an absence in these circumstances, and at this age (your DD would be below the age of compulsory schooling in almost all the rest of Europe), then it's the system that is in the wrong and not you.

TeamBacon · 05/10/2015 13:31

Our head has authorised time off. It was for a holiday, but he signed it off as exceptional circumstances (for good reason)

BoffinMum · 05/10/2015 14:22

I have had authorised time off a couple of times when I was sent overseas by my work and had to take DC4 with me. Gotta earn a living, after all. There aren't many jobs that fit exclusively around a kiddie timetable at all times, (even in education), and not everyone has relatives on tap.

GobbolinoCat · 05/10/2015 14:29

go go go ! time with extended family at 5 - invaluable.

BTW not sure about lying good long read about this before lots of schools said actually better for their records to show illness than unorthaise absnce

GobbolinoCat · 05/10/2015 14:31

If the school won't authorise an absence in these circumstances, and at this age (your DD would be below the age of compulsory schooling in almost all the rest of Europe), then it's the system that is in the wrong and not you

YY

NickiFury · 05/10/2015 19:33

I've jus got back from a fortnight away with dd, aged 9. It's not the first time we have taken term Tim absence, it won't be the last. I would do what you suggest without even thinking twice. I have never been fined and work hard to ensure that dd's attendance goes no lower than 95%, obviously there could be sick days but I am willing to take the chance of attendance falling for the experiences we had as a family at a price we can afford. I think it's highly likely this rule will be repealed in a couple of years and I will not allow de to miss out for a rule I do not agree with.

Fwiw dd's head teacher is very understanding and while she will not authorise, she will not recommend fines either.

apple1992 · 09/10/2015 18:56

Definitely don't lie, fill out the relevant forms with as much info as possible.You won't get told off! It is unlikely to be authorised, but depending on your local authority it may not be a long enough absence to warrant a fine. If it is, it will be a £60 fine per parent.

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