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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh needs to speak up or am I actually the money grabbing one.

62 replies

northernsoul78 · 03/10/2015 17:54

So dh has two brothers. We have 3 dc, one brother 2 dc and one none. This will become relevant. They sadly lost their parents in the last two years. The estate is about to be settled.
Through out the whole proc2fess the other brothers were quick to ask dh for his share of expenses such as flowers etc but less willing to pay up when he did the same. Most of this was eventually sorted but only after I encouraged dh to speak up.
Now the estate has been pretty much settled and all 3 brothers have received close to 180k which is of course a lot of money. (Well one received 3k more and dh and the other brother 1.5k less but this was agreed.)
However, it has now transpired that each grandchild was to receive a 2k legacy. This was not accounted for. Dh has pretty much said it doesn't matter as the parents can individually deal with their own childs legacy. Now in some respects this seem fairer but it is not in accordance with the Will.
I am torn between letting it go (I definitely would if I hadn't felt dh's good nature hadn't already been taken advantage of) and us sucking up 6k, dbro1 4k and dbro2 2k or speaking out and saying that grandchildren's legacies should be paid from the estate once some final proceeds come in.
mn what do you think?

OP posts:
Hellochicken · 03/10/2015 18:29

I'd def let it go. If it was at the start I might mention it so correct calculation was done but not now.

DoreenLethal · 03/10/2015 18:31

However, it has now transpired that each grandchild was to receive a 2k legacy. This was not accounted for.

This should have been accounted for by the executor. Personally, it is their money and they are entitled to it and someone needs to chase it up.

I can't believe the family would steal from the grandkids who were due to have a share to be honest.

magoria · 03/10/2015 18:38

Why would they not want to follow what their parents had asked for all the grandchildren.

If this was in the will and the executor has not done it isn't that legally dubious?

Does no-one oversee how an executor follows what was wanted?

Spartans · 03/10/2015 18:40

Would you have had a problem if you were the ones with no kids?

I can't believe you would consider pushing him to do anything tbh.

Him resigning has nothing to do with it.

Starkswillriseagain · 03/10/2015 18:45

Letting it go sounds the best bet due to the money involved. If though this is a usual thing, him being taking advantage of (like with his brothers dragging heels about playing their expenses to DH but expecting him to cough up quick), then I would suggest he stands up to himself a bit more.

If this is unusual then it's just a one off.

TeenAndTween · 03/10/2015 18:47

The executor should have paid out legacies before paying out residuals to the main beneficiaries.

If there are still sufficient funds left to be distributed these should go to the GCs.

You should be talking to the executor (one of the DBs by any chance?)

Otherwise I do believe that one of the brothers should pay up. Yes it is a small amount in the scheme of things and not worth falling out over. So surely the DBs will understand that the will should be followed properly? (Or so you could argue)

Oysterbabe · 03/10/2015 18:47

No one is stealing from the grandkids. They're going to each pay their own children out of their share.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/10/2015 18:48

Doreen l understand that the kids will get it but from their parents. It's not the proper way to do it but too late now. Make sure it's very clear when you gave your children the money. Don't just say we will give it to them someday. Just be glad to have it now as l think l remember you telling us before about your dh retiring as soon as he heard about the money and there was a danger no money would come for ages.

RB68 · 03/10/2015 18:52

I would let it go - technically it should have been done properly BUT is it worth the potential fallout. There is plenty in the 180k each and it doesn't sound like it would cause hardship for you to put 2k away for each child - in fact I would put more from that sort of legacy anyway

Dumdedumdedum · 03/10/2015 18:55

I was the executrix for my mother's estate and we agreed to appoint a solicitor to sort it out as it was complicated. The funeral costs, my mother's outstanding debts and any other bequests (in this case, to our cousins) were dealt with first, before my brother and I received our inheritances. My mother didn't leave anything to her grandchildren as she counted on us, their parents, to look out for them, but if she had done, they would have been given their bequests before my brother and I took our shares of the estate.
So, I see what you're saying, OP, and I think you're justified in thinking the way you are, but as it's got this far, it may be best to leave it now - unless you think sufficient money to cover the bequests to the grandchilden is still due to the estate, in which case, I would be suggesting it to my DH if I were you.

mileend2bermondsey · 03/10/2015 18:55

Jesus you've been given 180k and are squabbling over 6k?! Let it go.

Original poster
northernsoul78 · 03/10/2015 18:58

All 3 are joint executors I believe. Yes we were so lucky property sold immediately with a cash buyer. Think there is one more small investment to come so grandchildrens legacies could be paid from that but its up to them. We are so lucky as we can now be mortgage free but dh or I will need to find work (more work) or there won't be much left.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 03/10/2015 18:58

No one is stealing from the grandkids. They're going to each pay their own children out of their share.

That is not how wills work. Technically, it is stealing because they were entitled to a share of the original estate, a different share from the ones that the brothers are getting.

Original poster
northernsoul78 · 03/10/2015 19:00

We will definitely give them 2k probably more if we can.

OP posts:
TerrorAustralis · 03/10/2015 19:06

I don't understand why your DH being out of work has anything to do with it. If there is or was money to go to your children, this is their money that should be held in trust. Not family money to be spent now.

hollyisalovelyname · 03/10/2015 19:07

Yes you should suck it up. You are the lucky ones with 3 lovely children. In the scheme of things it's not too big an amount.
How did it become an oversight?
Was a solicitor involved ?

SkirkLass · 03/10/2015 19:10

Think those calling you grabby are being very harsh. For the sake of family relations I'd let this go but I think wills should be followed as per the wishes of the deceased. I think your brother in laws are behaving in quite a grubby way taking money off your children and going against what their parents had wanted for their estate.

Corygal · 03/10/2015 19:13

Who was the executor?They should have dished out the money, it's their job.

I know MN's most popular post is Call the Police, but not proving a will (ie distributing the bequests) properly is a criminal offence. Most people get away with it, but make sure you pay your kids, whether or not it comes from your share.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/10/2015 19:19

It isn't money grabbing to expect a Will to be followed as written. I would let it go but make sure none of these people is your or your DHs executor because it's all extremely dodgy.

Floggingmolly · 03/10/2015 19:22

How difficult is it to read a will? Confused. It's a legal document; the idea that the estate had been "pretty much settled" when it transpired that one of the legacies had been overlooked is astonishing.

Georgethesecond · 03/10/2015 19:27

I think mumsnet's most popular post is LTB isn't it?!

Bearbehind · 03/10/2015 19:30

Give it up.

You've got £180k - are you really willing to cause a massive rift for the sake of a few grand?

Out of the £10k needed to pay out you'd fund £3.33k of it anyway so is the additional £2.67k really worth it Hmm

I suspect t if you'd been the childless couple your thoughts would be very different.

It's such an insignificant sum in the grand scheme of things.

Would you push the point if the 3rd brother was sterlie and couldn't have children?

Shutthatdoor · 03/10/2015 19:31

I can't believe the family would steal from the grandkids who were due to have a share to be honest.

A little over reaction, or are you saying that the OPS DH is also stealing from his children?

RockinHippy · 03/10/2015 19:37

If the DCs will definitely all get their own share, then really, you need to butt out & let this go. It's just not worth it in the greater scheme of 180k

Though that said, something similar happened with my GFs will & not all of us DGCs did get the intended share as it was then down to our respective DPs to play fair - mine didn't

Original poster
northernsoul78 · 03/10/2015 19:39

I don't see it as stealing from dc either becsuse they are getting their 2k whatever. In fact dh has just now transferred said amout into their ctf /juniour isa.
It remains to be seen whether the exec (brother) will make a further payout to our dc and cousins but they are sorted at least.

OP posts: