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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed that the same children get picked for all the sports teams?

145 replies

onlywhenyouleave · 02/10/2015 18:16

I am fed up of seeing the same names over and over again on the school newsletter for every sports team - I know the school wants to be competitive and pick the best teams but it is so disheartening for all the other children (and yes, DS1 is one of those who isn't picked).

I know quite a few children who don't even bother trying out now as they don't see the point Sad

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 02/10/2015 19:22

The 'top sets in other subjects' comparison does stand up if any enrichment activities, master classes, etc are arranged by the school.

Obviously, if your school never has concerts, plays, etc, nor celebrates individual pupil's exam results of congratulates on any award or achievement, and only mentions sports fixtures then yes it would be odd.

Maybe I've just been lucky but I've never come across a school with such a narrow focus.

longdiling · 02/10/2015 19:23

Yep, totally agree Washediris.

Thing is, I agree that popularity and sports cross over. Kids are understandably drawn to the strong and talented children. So in my kids school the ones who are on the sports team also get chosen for all the school councils as these are voted for by their peers.

In my eldest's class the kids who are sporty are talented across the board actually, they are also chosen for all the singing/dancing stuff and are top set. They genuinely are good in everything, I don't believe the teachers play favourites. But what a crappy message for the rest of the kids in the class who in their entire time in primary haven't been chosen for anything, ever. 'What's the point in trying? I'm not good at anything' is what my eldest has learned. It's not the fault of the talented kids but can't any of it be more inclusive, really? None of it?!

Washediris · 02/10/2015 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farahilda · 02/10/2015 19:24

'I honestly believe the coach has 90% of his team selected prior to any trials hmm'

Sounds like your gripe is specifically with this coach and the apparently sub-standard approach.

Spartans · 02/10/2015 19:24

washed sports matches are not designed to show off to parents.

Secondly schools (or at least the schools here) do all sorts of presentations to parents. Spelling bees, concerts, history evenings, art shows, science evenings (where you can go in and kids show off their experiments).

Again it's usually based on ability. Our kids did voice in a million. But the children were hand picked from the choir. they picked the best singers. No uproar happened

MTGlass · 02/10/2015 19:25

YABTotallyU!

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 02/10/2015 19:25

Those better in other areas of the curriculum get the last laugh with their A* GCSEs and A levels.

Years ago I taught EFL kids who didn't speak a word of English on entry to the school, who managed to fit in and be accepted much quicker than they would otherwise due to a talent for drawing caricatures in one case and football in another - who'd begrudge either child that?

Its good for self esteem to have something you are known to be good at - the A grades or full marks or advanced work are telling the academic kids they are good at something over and over - the team places are what tell sporty kids that. The academic kids have the last laugh as the GCSEs and A levels stay on their CVs, unlike their place on the school football team...

mamaduckbone · 02/10/2015 19:26

Sorry, YABU. All children are taught PE as part of the curriculum and given equal opportunity in that sense.
Schools choose the most sporty children for teams because they want to win.
The maths lesson comparison isn't rubbish at all - the equivalent would be a child who really struggles with maths being chosen for a maths competition. Embarrassing for the child and pointless for the school.
Try celebrating your child's strengths and talents instead. I was last to be picked for the sports teams but always got 10/10 in my spellings and won art competitions. Why should those who excel at sport (and maybe nothing else) not be given the opportunity to exploit that?

Original poster
onlywhenyouleave · 02/10/2015 19:27

Yes the children who are confident/good singers etc get the best roles in plays and how often do you see threads on here at Christmas time about why is it always the same children playing Mary and Joseph? Loads so why shouldn't I moan about sport?

OP posts:
Iamnotloobrushphobic · 02/10/2015 19:28

Don't some schools provide enrichment lessons for the most academically gifted and talented children? Are we going to complain that not every child can access these and it is unfair and giving a further advantage to the already clever children?
What about children who are given extra work to help them achieve a level six in their SATs? Should the child who will struggle to get a level 3 also have access to the extra work to even things up even if he is totally demoralised by being given work to do which is well beyond his capability?

heheheheheheh · 02/10/2015 19:29

I'm very sad I have never been selected for the England squad despite literally turning up in England practically every day of my life and knowing the offside rule almost off by heart.

lljkk · 02/10/2015 19:30

You read the school Newsletter when you know your child's name isn't in it? Confused

BabyGanoush · 02/10/2015 19:30

DS2 just went up to the school coach and asked:" I am in the b or c team, and that is ok, but what would I have to do to get into the A team?"

Coach said: "most kids who play in the a-team also play the sport for a local club. You could ask your mum and dad to take you around"

DS thought that was fair enough. He asked if I'd start taking him to local training.

After 6 months he went to the coach and said:" I have been training, would you give me a chance in the A team this week?"

And he did. And that was that. He is now one of those "annoying kids" who is always in every team.

But he worked for it and did it all by himself (age 8).

My other DS is less bothered and never made it to an A team.

It is how it is. Interestingly, a lot of kids think it's fair enough.

It's nice if coaches mix things up a bit and give newcomers a chance though.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 02/10/2015 19:31

Yes the children who are confident/good singers etc get the best roles in plays and how often do you see threads on here at Christmas time about why is it always the same children playing Mary and Joseph? Loads so why shouldn't I moan about sport?

Well it would be a pretty rubbish school play of they only chose the children who were too shy to speak out loud on stage. Can you imagine going to a school play and the children with all the main roles don't speak loudly enough for anybody to hear their lines? Or a play where the choir get stage fright and won't sing when the play starts?

longdiling · 02/10/2015 19:32

"The maths lesson comparison isn't rubbish at all - the equivalent would be a child who really struggles with maths being chosen for a maths competition. "

Do we write kids off maths-wise if they're 'struggling' at 7? Do we tell them there's no point practicing and working to improve because they'll never be good at it? Or do we offer them extra help and support and encouragement? Who's to say what a 'struggling' child might achieve in a maths competition if they had extra practice at it and coaching in how to compete. What if they enjoy maths despite not being great at it?

Spartans · 02/10/2015 19:32

Well when people moan about kids getting the main parts every year. I say the same to them.

You asked if Yabu and my opinion is, yes you are. Like it is with the school play threads.

You asked. You got answered

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 02/10/2015 19:32

My gripe with the stupid school musicals was that we all had to be in them even if we couldn't sing, in the accursed "chorus" Hmm not that I wanted my out of tune croak to be given a fair share of solos Hmm. Thankfully at my kids school participation in the school drama or musical is a fully optional activity - like sports competitions...

longdiling · 02/10/2015 19:38

Again, the school concert comparison doesn't quite work for me. Everyone gets to participate in the school concerts. Some kids get more lines than others but they're all up there on stage, joining in. If they have potential then even the chorus/background parts will help them improve and give them an opportunity to potentially the a better part next Christmas.

This doesn't happen with, for example, school netball. A small group are chosen and nobody else gets to join in. Nobody else gets to improve or participate in practice. They just don't get to play outside of PE lessons, end of.

Washediris · 02/10/2015 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinecraftWonder · 02/10/2015 19:40

I think it depends how old op?

My two play football. They started with our local club aged 3 - obviously no try outs, and when they started having matches age 5 then they were just picked at random.

Now ds1 is in the Under-8's league, it's starting to get more competitive and it is the 'best' players that are picked for matches.

If you're talking about a 4 or 5 year old yanbu. An 8 or 9 year old - yabu, ability is a huge factor as they get older.

mamaduckbone · 02/10/2015 19:42

Of course we shouldn't write any child off at 7 in anything, whether that be maths, sport, music or anything else, and all children should be encouraged to pursue sport and enjoy it.
That's not the same as being picked for the school football team (or getting the main part in the school musical or being chosen for the maths competition or art exhibition...)

customercare · 02/10/2015 19:47

I agree with the op. Taking part in games is not only about being the best, it's learning about team building and being part of co-operative group. I hated the fact that my dd was desperate to be part of a team at school and play at the weekends with her friends but it all became so cliquey, with parents and children forming a close knit little social group. In the end she stopped volunteering for the sports teams.

longdiling · 02/10/2015 19:47

It kind of is the same thing though mamaduck - at least it is in our kids school. How is picking a small team in year 3 and then giving them extra help to get even better at that sport 'encouraging' those who weren't picked to pursue it?

I really think that the way sport is done in school needs a major major rethink. PE lessons are generally not that great, the best teaching is reserved for the practice sessions for the teams and the majority of kids are denied access to that.

tormentil · 02/10/2015 19:50

Am slightly puzzled here. Are we talking primary or secondary? I'm in Scotland and competitive sports is completely out at primary level and has been for a number of years. School sports days have been 'team efforts' and there are no individual winners (or losers), and that has been the case since my DC were at primary school.

Susiesue61 · 02/10/2015 19:53

So is my Dd's school the only one where the sports clubs are open to all?! If someone not so good turned up to football or cricket, they would get more of a chance because less girls go. But netball is massively competitive. But anyone can go to the practice for everything else. Dd just goes to anything that occupies her lunch hour! She's now doing some coaching for the younger ones