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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if parents' will isn't "fair"

200 replies

toastedbeagle · 02/10/2015 14:43

My parents have written wills recently and decided to split their estate etc equally between descendants rather than children. Do you think this is fair?
For the sake of argument let's say there are three children and three grandchildren, but unequally distributed. So estate divided into families would go 50%, 33%, 17%... But each person is only getting 16.6%.

I'm not sure if this feels fair, but on the other hand wills are for doing YOU want aren't they, not to keep people happy.

OP posts:
FunkyPeacock · 02/10/2015 15:06

I actually think there is a lot of sense in leaving some money to GDC rather than leaving it all just to DC - especially if GDC are young adults starting out in life and therefore more likely to be in need of money than DC who are more likely to be financially comfortable

LadyLonely1 · 02/10/2015 15:08

I can see why you feel your sibling might be upset over a reason they have no control over, but it's for them to take up with your parents.

Woolleymammoth · 02/10/2015 15:08

My FIL has done this and no I don't think it's fair.
We have 4dc and his dd has 1 dc.

He is an abusive arse who is doing it to show his distrust of his dc and that he favouritises his ds over his dd IMO.

JessePinkman33 · 02/10/2015 15:10

I understand completely, ignore these pp making assumptions about who's being grabby & distasteful Grin
There's not a lot you can do though is there? Grandparents do tend to fall head over heels in love with the gk so I expect it's not unusual to change the will like this.

MoonSandwich · 02/10/2015 15:13

I agree with you OP. I think it's 'fairer' to split the money evenly between the siblings. The couple struggling with infertility could well need the money if they have been paying for infertility treatment.

If all your sibling think the same perhaps you could have a chat to your parents about it. Obviously it's up to them but they might not have thought about it in the same way. You parents can do what they want but I don't see anything wrong with talking about wills.

AskingForAPal · 02/10/2015 15:13

A relative of mine was going to do this. It was pointed out that this was likely to cause family discord for exactly that reason - mainly because one branch of descendants was a lot older (another whole generation had been born that side) and so would have ended up with 2/3 of her estate. In the end she made cash gifts to the younger descendants in her lifetime and then left the whole lot split equally between her children, on the grounds that it would be up to them to spend the money on their kids/grandchildren as they chose.

Pseudo341 · 02/10/2015 15:15

From the way you've described it it doesn't sound like one sibling getting a larger share, it sounds like individual people all getting the same amount as it's going directly to the children. Hopefully your parents will live for a long time yet so by the time any money there is is being shared out the grandchildren will be old enough to manage their own money. Unless either of your siblings are in severe financial need I really don't think it matters. Has the childless sibling commented on it at all? You really could be worrying about nothing.

Feeling very guilty for accusing you of being greedy btw, I've never seen one of these threads from any other approach before.

Jessica78 · 02/10/2015 15:15

Presumably any of the estate going to minors will be held in trust until they need to access it as adults?

I can see the issues though re: being the sibling who has not been able to have a much longed for child - I think it would seem to them that the other siblings are being rewarded for their fertility.

At the end of the day it's their will though isn't it? And they can do what they like with it - they may yet decide to leave it all to someone else!

DinosaursRoar · 02/10/2015 15:18

It's only unfair if you view the money going to the DGC as being the property of the DC. It should only be viewed as an amount "per family" if the parents will be allowed to spend the grandchildren's money.

As I read it, each sibling will get exactly the same, it's just less overall because these other people, the grandchildren, will also get a share.

I guess yours parets have effectively said they view their grandchild as equal to their children. I also don't think it's 'unfair' on unborn grandchildren, by the very nature of not being born at the time of your parents' death, they won't have a relationship with them.

Janeymoo50 · 02/10/2015 15:19

Hmm, I get where you are coming from. My mum originally had her will so it was split between her adult children and their children. Subsequently more grandchildren appeared and then great granchildren came along which started getting complicated so she changed it (of her own doing) so that the four main adult children got an equal share and they then decided what to give/put away for their children and their children (IYSWIM). That said, it's kind of really up to them (although my mum felt it was fairer to do it the way she decided in the end so one part of the family didn't end up with more just because they had kids and grandkids etc as opposed to the unmarried/childless adult child.

Floggingmolly · 02/10/2015 15:21

Surely it'll be in trust for your children if they're under 18 at the time of the inheritance? The amount per family would only be relevant if you could actually access their share and dictate it's use?
In reality they'll probably have long flown the nest and nobody will be calculating how many beneficeries belong to which family and what the final total per family actually is. Because it really wouldn't matter.

Pseudo341 · 02/10/2015 15:23

FWIW my grandma left 1/3 to each of her children and split the remaining 1/3 between her two grandchildren. You could argue that my mum got twice as much as her childless brother as a result but it never occurred to anyone to question it. By the time she died my sister and I were both in our late thirties with children of our own and were grateful to take large chunks of our mortgages, my uncle cleared his mortgage and my mum appears to have given most of hers to charity but I haven't asked too much as it's none of my business. I really can't imagine my uncle complaining that he hadn't had his fair share, it was always my grandma's money to do whatever she wanted with, and we'd rather assumed the whole lot was going to go in care bills anyway so no one expected to inherit anything. Unless your parents are at deaths door I think you'll find that the whole picture looks very different by the time your dealing out the money.

Pseudo341 · 02/10/2015 15:23

you're not your

Spartans · 02/10/2015 15:24

No one is getting rewarded for having kids.

Unless your parents are giving their kids a bigger share based on how many children they have

ClashCityRocker · 02/10/2015 15:25

i can see why it might be a kick in the teeth to someone who was unable to have children...but that's the way with wills.

There's nothing to stop the siblings passing some money to the sibling with no children, should they feel inclined to do so.

DinosaursRoar · 02/10/2015 15:26

OP, sorry, miss read your last couple of comments, I think you have to stop thinking of it as rewarding you for having more DCs, because it's not your money - it's your DCs. Perhaps it'll be easier as your DCs get older to view your DCs relationship with their GPs as not an extension of your relationship with your parents, and it's that they are 'honouring' in the will, not you.

It could well be by the time this becomes an issue, your DCs will be adults and it'll be even less likely that it'll be seen as money coming to you.

ClashCityRocker · 02/10/2015 15:27

Ah, if it's in trust for the under eighteens they probably would struggle to do that. Depends how the wills written.

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 02/10/2015 15:30

You think so little of your siblings that they'll resent your parents wanting to give something to their grandchildren, or that they won't see that inheritance is just a gift?

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 02/10/2015 15:30

Not "fair" really, but wills don't have to be fair as it's a gift.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 02/10/2015 15:30

The thing with wills is that fair doesn't necessarily mean equal.

IMHO, it's distasteful in the extreme for anyone to complain about an inheritance. The deceased person has the right to leave whatever to whomever and their wishes should be respected.

Fatfreefaff · 02/10/2015 15:35

I think it's probably the older generation trying to be as fair as they can and avoid fights. My Mum made a will leaving everything to me and my sister 50/50. I have 2 children and my sister has 1. The solicitor asked what would happen if I snuffed it first - my kids would effectively get 25% each and my sister (or her DD) 50%. She wanted to change it to make it into thirds if that happened but I said to leave it.

I am a bit worried that my DH and one of his brothers are executors of my MIL's will that they don't know the contents of. She is a spiteful woman so I am sure she has put a few nasty surprises in to stir things up and they have to carry out her wishes..,

howtorebuild · 02/10/2015 15:38

They can do as they like, any decent parent would split fairly so as not to cause sibling rivalry. What loving parent wants bad feeling between their offspring? I am sorry you have parents as you do op, this is just an example of bad parenting.

Indantherene · 02/10/2015 15:39

My MIL's mother left everything equally between her 2 DDs. Adult gchildren got nothing. My own GPS did the same. I think that's fair and more usual.
My DM's will is also 50/50 me and Db. I have 5dc, he has 1. He also earns loads more than me. I still think 50/50 is fair.

Rainuntilseptember · 02/10/2015 15:41

The norm is to leave your estate split equality between your children and leave bequests if you want to other people. By normal I mean both what most people do and also what is closest to what would happen if you left no will.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 02/10/2015 15:41

Bad parenting?! Leaving money to their DC and GDC? Yeah, the bastards. Hmm

Some people baffle me.