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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not really miss the baby/very early years?

71 replies

cyclerunmum1 · 01/10/2015 12:40

Just read a status about how we should all cherish the sleepless nights as they are gone too soon and then when they are teens they don't need you... etc.

Am I the only one who, although I did enjoy having my two as babies, I have enjoyed pretty much every stage they go through.

Now having a 7yo and a 23yo I can really appreciate having an adult child. Watching her grow and develop into a young woman has made me more proud than I imagined and although maybe not physically, she has needed me emotionally. I don't feel redundant, I feel lucky to have such a fantastic young woman as my DD, and love spending time with her still.

And yes I am getting to do it all again with my younger DD, but I don't hanker for the days of nappies and sleepless nights.... ever. So AIBU?

OP posts:

Samwelly · 02/10/2015 10:14

Would rather cut my own throat than go through baby stage again! Enjoyment has increased in line with age for me!

yorkshapudding · 02/10/2015 12:21

I think people must look back on the early days through rose tinted glasses. My DD is currently miserable, clingy and waking up several times in the night due to teething (the dreaded 2 year molars) which seems to be going on FOREVER. I can't even go to the bloody toilet in peace. I can't imagine looking back and feeling nostalgic for this.

TheSwallowingHandmaiden · 02/10/2015 12:26

My tot is 18 months old and I'm 23 wks pregnant with my second. I believe newborns to be the work of the devil and 18 month-olds to be the most magical creatures.

It's lovely to read how engaged and wonderful your teens are though, I was a little worried about the puberty years: I'll be 60 when this one is 16

Bluewombler2k · 02/10/2015 12:32

I'm in denial at the mo as in 6 weeks time we will be back to the newborn stuff again (ds is 6 so it feels like eons ago!). Already dreading post-birth pain and the sleepless nights but at least this time I won't be as much of a neurotic, must get everything done and be Supermum type stresshead as I was as a first-time Mum...I hope

pocketsized · 02/10/2015 14:14

DD is 6 mo and the only way I get through the day is by telling myself "thank God I don't ever have to do that day again " - every day she gets older she gets a little less difficult to live with! Before i had her I wanted 3 DC, now I can't think of anything more torturous than another baby in my life!

Yokohamajojo · 02/10/2015 14:15

Totally agree with you OP! I have also enjoyed all the stages but met with two friends recently for lunch. My DCs weren't with me as they are 6 and 8 and in school and they both had two each, youngest 7 months and oldest almost 3! my god I was exhausted after the lunch and felt that I didn't have a chance to speak to either of them as it was always a child that needed something ;-) As much as I loved that stage then I would not want to go back!

Grazia1984 · 02/10/2015 14:51

There is something very special about babies though and I did it 5 times so had enough knowledge to put myself through it again. Recently I scanned the baby pictures of baby number 1 from 30 years ago and was remembering. Very tiring (although not as bad for me as I was working full time when she was 2 weeks old so had that balance to the day) but worth it.

Ragwort · 02/10/2015 17:07

york - sorry you are going through a tough time but honestly, my baby really was incredibly easy - he slept through from Day 1 (with one very quick night feed), had two long naps as well, was never 'clingy', I could leave him with anyone if I wanted 'time out' - he never demanded attention & I never had a broken night's sleep .

But he is making up for all that now as a teenger .

noeffingidea · 02/10/2015 17:22

It's funny reading this thread. I was just thinking today how much I miss having babies and toddlers. I guess my experiences were different to a lot of people.
I'm not saying you are unreasonable though, OP. It's an individual thing after all.

motherinferior · 02/10/2015 17:30

The first few months of DD1's life were absolutely awful. I wanted to punch all those unreasonable feckers who tell you to 'enjoy it while it lasts' and 'it goes so quickly'...IT WAS HELL.

She's now 14 and her sister is 12 and they're fab.

chachaboom · 02/10/2015 19:36

Yanbu, just today I was in a room with 4 babies, one had deficated, the smell brought back a wave of grim baby memories and I thought no, definitely no more kids. No ta!

chachaboom · 02/10/2015 19:38

Oh, it's defecated with an e, sorry.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 02/10/2015 20:31

Ah Ragwort, I genuinely can't imagine how different my parenting experience would be with a baby like that. DD1 is 23 months and has still never slept through the night. She didn't nap longer than 40 mins until she was 8 months old. DD2 is 12 weeks and feeds every 2 hours round the clock (and won't take a bottle)

toomuchtooold · 03/10/2015 06:35

Thanks for posting this OP! I really used to hate it when people would go "oh treasure these days, they are so special and go so quickly." And I would think, are you out of your mind? Those first few months crawled by in a haze of no sleep and walking for miles and miles every day to let them both sleep in the buggy. Now that they are 3 I sometimes look back at pictures and videos from about 6 months onwards and think it would be cool to go back and meet little proto-DD1 and DD2 for an hour or two, but I have precisely zero nostalgia for the first 6 months.

nooka · 03/10/2015 06:55

I have a friend who with two adorable looking very small children who posts statuses like the one the OP referenced alongside statuses about being acutely sleep deprived. I guess it's a bit of wishful thinking/positive reinforcement, and goodness knows perhaps you need it when you are in the thick of babies/toddler! My two are teenagers and I hated the baby years. I'm not keen on total dependency and I don't think babies are delightful. The time felt like glue and my relationship with dh pretty much totally fell apart (he is also not a baby person).

Plus of course my teenagers need me. I need my mother even now, and I'm in my 40s! Perhaps not in quite the same visceral all the time way but essentially you are a parent forever. Just in my case a happier one when they get up after I do...

CPtart · 03/10/2015 07:15

Mine slept well as babies and toddlers and I was often stopped to be told how cute they were, but the best years IMO are between 4-10. Old enough to feed and toilet themselves, but still believing in Santa and wanting to hold your hand.
They are now almost 11 and 13 and as we are moving away from those special ages I sometimes sadly feel I've had the best of them.

mrsplum2015 · 03/10/2015 07:18

I have three children who have been varying difficulty level as babies/toddlers, and I must say as each has hit about 3.5 I've breathed a sigh of relief.
There are elements of the baby/toddler years that are amazing but for me I find it overall a big slog and the older they get the easier IMO. The older they get you get the rewarding (and obviously can be tough at times) emotional stuff without the hard physical work. And now there's lots of driving and logistics which I quite enjoy :)

Dollymixtureyumyum · 03/10/2015 08:17

My Ds is just over two and every day is getting easier. Did not really enjoy the baby stage at all

allnewredfairy · 03/10/2015 08:23

I have absolutely no hankerings to go back to those very early years slthough I don't remember them being particularly hard even with a prolonged spell of PND with number 3.
For me the gokden years are the primary ones. The small school uniforms, nativities, teeth dropping out, class bears, seaside holidays and bedtime stories. They go a bit horrible after 10 then you need to wait until around 20 to get any sense out of them

annandale · 03/10/2015 08:25

There are always happy moments that you can look back on, but in general the baby months are tough, boring and relentless. I felt terrified by the sheer power I had as well.

Toddler years were still relentless but at least they were fun! And stuff like ds spotting me at the end of the street, throwing his arms up and running the entire length of the street to hurl himself at me. Tiny babies are not fun. Secondary school is like having my own soap opera at home, I love it.

dementedma · 03/10/2015 09:21

The early years are seriously shit! Now my two eldest are adults and youngest a teen it is a million times better. When I see young parents wrestling with screaming toddlers I allow myself a smug smile...(actually I sympathise and help if I can) but God it feels good that it's not me anymore.

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