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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset with my friend *sensitive*

46 replies

elf0508 · 30/09/2015 20:43

i'm sorry for posting this here I had nowhere else to turn. I apologise if this is long, I don't want to drip feed.

I met up with my friend for dinner, I confided in her that my boyfriend of 3 years sexually assaulted me last night after an argument and her reply was "he probably didn't mean it" so I retorted back "how can you not mean to abuse somebody, did he just fall and his penis slipped into me" she told me to calm down and stop being a drama queen and that I had probably asked for it but was too horny to remember!

I threw my wine in her face and stormed off, I know so childish but I was so embarrased she could have such a response to whhat I just told her

OP posts:
Hissy · 30/09/2015 20:46

Love, you are not in the wrong here. Your friend is an idiot, and an unsupportive one at that.

Hissy · 30/09/2015 20:47

Are you ok? What are you feeling about it all now? How do things stand with your (stbx) dp?

MaidOfStars · 30/09/2015 20:47

Forget about her, she's not where your head should be at right now.

How are you? What are you going to do about your boyfriend? Do you feel you could report the crime? Do you have someone guaranteed sympathetic that you can confide in?

Flowers
hairbrushbedhair · 30/09/2015 20:50

You are completely right to be upset with your friend. She is not the person you need supporting you through this, that's the only small mercy, that she now won't be.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please don't focus on your idiot 'friend' but on your own safety. Are you staying somewhere away from him now?

Ppppenguin · 30/09/2015 20:50

Your friend is an idiot. You need support right now, is there anyone else you can turn to?

AsYourMakerICommandYou · 30/09/2015 20:51

Oh honey, to put it bluntly: your "friend" is a turbocunt. Angry If it was me, she would have taken the wine and the glass in the face Angry
You have done nothing wrong. Have you confided in anyone else about what your boyfriend did? Maybe a close female relative?
Sending massive hugs Flowers

NinaSimoneful · 30/09/2015 20:52
Flowers

She's no friend.

LadyLonely1 · 30/09/2015 20:54

Flowers cut this person out of your life. Wow what a horrible 'friend' she is.

wickedlazy · 30/09/2015 20:55

She is a victim blaming idiot!

Flowers Is there anyone else you can confide in? Do you want to go to police about him?

TheCatsMother99 · 30/09/2015 20:56

There's no way you're in the wrong here.

Are you ok (considering last night) ?Flowers

Original poster
elf0508 · 30/09/2015 20:58

Thanks, I know I shouldn't be worried about her but she is my only close friend and now I fel as though I'm alone. I'm still living with my partner neither of us have anywhere else to go. I'm so scared but I've baracaded myself in my little boys room and praying he leaves me alone so I can get through the night and speak to somebody tomorrow I don't think I can report it I'm not strong enough on my own and I fear I wont be taken seriously I'm only 19 but look so young

OP posts:
totalrecall1 · 30/09/2015 20:58

What a bitch Flowers

TheCatsMother99 · 30/09/2015 21:00

I feel angry for you on both parts, not just for last night but because unfortunately it's attitudes like your friend's that make reporting assaults harder for some people. No means no and not saying yes means no. For f sake, when will people learn?!

TheCatsMother99 · 30/09/2015 21:02

Age is absolutely nothing, please don't feel that you won't be taken seriously due to age.

I'm concerned for you still being there and feeling like you can't report it. Is there anyone, anyone else you could speak to for a bit of help? A colleague or baby-group member?

GloGirl · 30/09/2015 21:30

Please contact Women's Aid right now who can best advise you on your safety

0808 2000 247

Ppppenguin · 30/09/2015 21:32

Yes, please contact woman's aid. I hope they can help you.

Barbadosgirl · 30/09/2015 21:42

You poor thing! Your "friend" and that man are thunder cunts. I hope you get the help you need Flowers

Crazypetlady · 30/09/2015 21:46

She is no friend. I am so sorry O.P.Concentrate on your own safety now. There are organizations that can help you . Your age is not a factor in people believing you

Whatamuckingfuddle · 30/09/2015 21:58

This is awful, your 'friend' sounds worrying, if she's not supportive, she shouldn't be in your life, good luck Flowers

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 21:59

Seek help for what's happened op, and cut contact with this so called friend, she's shown herself to be no friend of yours Flowers

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 22:00

do you have any family you can confide in and ask to stay with for the time being? you need to get to safety, don't worry about your age, women's age were a huge help to me at only 17.

Junosmum · 30/09/2015 22:02

She has issues! You were not the one in the wrong she was. And your boyfriend was. Flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/09/2015 22:03

She's not a friend. Your age is irrelevant, you deserve not to be assaulted. If you report it to the police they will take it seriously. The fact that your (ex?) boyfriend has nowhere to go doesn't mean he can't be forced to leave.

pklme · 30/09/2015 22:05

That was terrible for you. I had a similar response when I told someone what happened to me. She should have reacted differently, but the shock of what you said may have thrown her. People don,t want to believe this stuff happens. She may bitterly regret it now. Or she may be a genuinely bad friend who you can do without.

Do ring a support line, get help. Other people will believe you, and you and your son need to be safe.

TheCatsFlaps · 30/09/2015 23:23

YANBU, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

I would hate to think one of my friends would minimise or trivialise something like that Flowers

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