Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think y7 daughter's tutor should know who she is?

41 replies

Iamthinking · 30/09/2015 13:21

Last night was "meet the tutor" night. An informal, milling around a hall affair. It was odd..because it was unstructured, and there were only the 4 class teachers there plus the head, to all the parents.

I said "Hi, I am A's mum". He looked at me blankly when I said who my daughter was, then started making shit up that made it patently clear he wasn't talking about her. I said "...really?" and he carried on flailing about. Eventually the penny dropped and he remembered one thing about her. He also remembered that she was quiet. I put him out of his misery and helped him change the subject then.
I had no respect for him. He only has 25 people in his class, how can he not remember them?

Am I being unusual to think he should know his class after 3 weeks, and think he was a total bullshitting knobhead? And especially if he is having a meet the parents night, shouldn't he swot up beforehand?

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/09/2015 13:24

Well it's going to be one class of 25 out of a whole heap of other classes of 25/30 he's teaching during the rest of the school day - so you're not just expecting him to remember 25 names, you're asking him to remember 25 names out of the hundreds of kids he's dealing with during any given week, after only 3 weeks. It must be bloody hard to do. I can barely remember my own DCs' names. But yes, he probably should have swotted up :o.

Theycallmemellowjello · 30/09/2015 13:26

I get what you're saying, but I think YABU. He might just have struggled to put a name to a face or initially thought that she was someone else (ie a mistake rather than have been making stuff up). And I do think that 3 weeks is quite a short time to get to know 25 kids you're seeing for 20 mins a day. I'd be worried if he had no idea who she was after a year, but after 3 weeks I don't think it's a big deal. It sounds like the night was more to get to meet the tutor (ie see what he's like) rather than for him to provide feedback on individuals.

ArcheryAnnie · 30/09/2015 13:32

Hmm, am divided on this. It's secondary school, so he will presumably be dealing with a lot more new children every week than just his tutor group, and it isn't all that long since the start of the new year.

On the one hand, he should've made more effort, and it really doesn't bode well for the future.

Original poster
Iamthinking · 30/09/2015 13:38

Yes it wasn't a feedback night, I wasn't expecting that because I had rung the office to find out on dp's behalf. He launched into it - but maybe because previous parents' had been asking him for feedback like that. I honestly just wanted to shake his hand and ask how I could contact him in the event of issues.
Hassled - yes, he teaches maths to other classes. But still...they are making the big transition to secondary, they are his group, aren't there extra pastoral issues in helping them adjust?

I think it is because she is quiet and good. He is equating that with not needing attention.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 30/09/2015 13:41

At this time of the year it was always possible that if given a name of one of my tutor group I would struggle. I always knew them when I saw them...

But I taught 4/5 lessons a day, up to 30 students per class and would be lucky to see any of them more than twice a week. So that makes 25 in tutor group who I probably did not teach, 10 - 12 classes of say 25, some of whom I would only see once a week. So that's about 300 students to memorise by name, face, SEN, other details. And they have only been in for a couple of weeks.

Yes, he should have had a list, with pictures, but his checking it would have been just as bad for you, wouldn't it?

Take it that she has not caused any trouble, has not raised her head above the parapet. All is well. He will definitely know who she is from here on in Smile

lostInTheWash · 30/09/2015 13:42

Depends on the set up.

Secondary I attended where I had no classes with form tutor saw twice a day but no real interaction - then no.

At secondary's here where apparently they spend 50 % of their first year at secondary with the same teacher - then yes I would.

I do think it would concern me a bit with a subject teacher later in the year - mainly as a brother of mine was always confused with another DC and incorrect advice of taking subject at GCSE was given.

scatterthenuns · 30/09/2015 13:45

I think that if you'd put DD's face in front of the man, he's know straight away.

And as thus, I don't think it is time to go in all guns blazing yet. You don't know what else is cluttering up that bloke's mind, and its only 3 weeks.

JeffsanArsehole · 30/09/2015 13:46

3 weeks and your kid is quiet?

Nope. Expecting too much imo

Thymeout · 30/09/2015 13:46

YABU

After only 3 weeks, no matter how much swotting over his tutor group list he's done, it's asking a lot to put names to faces, when he's only seen them 20 mins p.d. at a time when he's probably fully occupied giving out information. It'll only be the noisy ones, or those with special needs, who will have caught his attention at this point.

What more effort could he possibly have made?

Original poster
Iamthinking · 30/09/2015 13:50

Point taken OurBlanche, and I welcome being calmed down about this.

The school is fairly small, this is only the third year intake, and there are only 4 classes in a year. He takes the whole tutor group for maths every day, as well as morning and afternoon reading time, which is another 40 minutes, plus registration (for what that is worth).
But I shall mentally cut the man some slack for now. But he is on shaky ground.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 30/09/2015 13:53

Smile If that is his contact time with her then yes, he needs to be kept on the naughty list, just in case.

Reel him in if he does it again Grin

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 30/09/2015 13:55

I think yabu as well.

He wouod recognise her im sure, but still at the stage of matching faces to names. Where it's easier to match names to faces if that makes sense?

He will have other new classes of kids to get used to as well.

echt · 30/09/2015 13:55

You say it was informal, a milling around, so why should he swot up?

You say you just wanted to shake his hand.
You say it wasn't a feedback night.

You do realise he didn't get to structure the night, don't you?
This is only three weeks in.

The only knobhead in the room was you.

AskingForAPal · 30/09/2015 14:01

Maybe you should encourage your daughter to do something totally outrageous, so she's never forgotten again?

duchesse · 30/09/2015 14:04

He's probably teaching upwards of a 150 kids, many of whom may be new to him, and he's only had his tutor group by less than a month. If he still can't remember her by Christmas, maybe your feelings might be justified. IME the hardest kids to memorise are the ones that don't interact much with adults and spend all their time in the same small gaggle of friends- it makes it a lot harder to remember one from the other.

duchesse · 30/09/2015 14:06

It's much easier btw for teachers if parents introduce themselves to teachers both by name and as X's parent. If teacher still looks blank, a short description might help! At the DC's school they always print the name of the child on the labels handed out to parents, to at least give the teachers a chance at working out who's who at these events.

marmaladegranny · 30/09/2015 14:13

When I went to secondary school, in less pc times, there were 5 'Marmalades' in my class. One very obnoxious teacher could never differentiate between us and we were know as "Marmalade with the plaits", "Marmalade with the glasses" etc,etc.
People learn other people's names in different ways!

roamer2 · 30/09/2015 14:17

my dd's tutor appeared to even though she is quiet.

Noodledoodledoo · 30/09/2015 14:23

I teach 8 classes a week. 6 of them I have for one lesson a week. Approximately 250 students. I have taught very few of them before this year.

I have just about got first names sorted, when they are sitting in my classroom in their seating plan. If they stop me around the school, if they are quiet well behaved student, I know I teach them but struggle with the name (and set for some as I teach 5 Yr 10 classes!)

Prior to my Maternity leave I knew a huge amount of students names, in a year they have all changed a lot!

HSMMaCM · 30/09/2015 14:42

At DD's school we were encouraged to take our children with us. One year I couldn't and discovered each teacher had photos of the children to help them remember.

Spartans · 30/09/2015 14:50

Yabu. It's early in the year. Unless she has ahad some sort of issue or being misbehaving, it will take a while.

Also sometimes I just can't remember things. Especially in a stressful setting, I find these occasions stressful. He could have had difficult parents speaking to him before or anything, which meant he could put the name to face. Then paniked even more.

Give him a break.

LadylikeCough · 30/09/2015 14:54

YABU

Dye her hair leopard-print. Instantly memorable to all teachers, plus you get in the Daily Fail.

anastaisia · 30/09/2015 15:03

I think that form tutors for transitioning year 7s should know their names and a bit about them very early on. Supporting that transition is a major part of that role and they should be aware of who is who in their class (by name as well as in person) in order to spot issues that might arise and develop relationships.

I think it's different to being their teacher for particular subjects where it can take longer to get to know people. Presumably the form tutor is the named person who children should be expected to go to if they need to talk about anything bothering them - developing a relationship is important.

I can also see that depending on the set up of the system and the school a form tutor may not actually have enough time (contact AND generally) to take on that role fully. And so I would probably be annoyed at the system rather than the individual teacher if that makes sense?

But I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation to have of a form tutor though.

scatterthenuns · 30/09/2015 15:15

But I don't think it's an unreasonable expectation to have of a form tutor though.

Its not unreasonable as a human being to have a complete mental block though. We don't know what's going on in that guy's head!

Ta1kinPeace · 30/09/2015 15:20

After three weeks do you know the names of all of her subject teachers?

Would you know them by sight if they were not wearing name badges?

Swipe left for the next trending thread