to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

[KissingFish]

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

Meerka

Many thanks - that was the story I was trying to recall yesterday. Too sad for words.

Parole officers working with convicted paedophiles describe them as having psychopathic tendencies and also being highly manipulative. They will attempt to manipulate both probation officers and prison officers/legal professionals into believing that they are either 'cured' or that they couldn't help themselves

Probabtion Officers and Prison officers who deal with paedophiles got special training and counselling in dealing with them because of the manipulative tendencies of these people. At least they did when I was involved in a project that the Prison service were involved in.

One estimate I read said that more than one in every 200 adults is a paedophile. Obviously not all act on their tendencies and many must be living relatively normal lives with wives and families. This probably means that YOU will know one. The sooner we understand why people are attracted to children the better because one thing is for sure - we can't lock them all up!

That's interesting Meerka.

I imagine that trying to cure a paedophile is like trying to cure someone of being gay - it may be possible to cure someone of being a child abuser though.

I'm not surprised that the re-offending rate is high. I am encouraged though by the fact that some of them don't and have great sympathy for these individuals. I even heard (not sure whether it was a true story) about a man who was so worried he'd lose control and attack a child that he begged to be castrated - sounds like someone prepared to go to great lengths to protect them IMO.

I know more than one, Gottagetmoving. I don't invite them round for dinner with my family, however.

Spot on Fingles. I would agree that ephebophiles are enormous in number.

However, why doesn't the average adult woman have the same thought process? There is no way, even in my early twenties, I would have dated a teenager.

Elendon our culture doesn't fetishise male adolescence the way it fetishises female adolescence. My guess is that part of the reason the age of the objects of our attraction increases as ours does is because of the messages society gives us all about what's acceptable and what isn't. Teenage boys are presented as awkward and immature and all sorts of other things that mean they'd be unlikely to be viewed as high-status conquests even if women were socialised to view sexual attraction and behaviour in the same way as men. Had you grown up in a culture that strongly imparted the idea of grown women proving their status by bedding eligible gangly youths as a positive thing, then you may have continued to be attracted to teenagers even when you were no longer one yourself.

However, why doesn't the average adult woman have the same thought process?

Is that saying the average adult male does ?

it is such a complex issue to deal with

not all paedophiles abuse, not all child abusers are paedophiles, some mange to deal with their feelings others do not and abuse themselves

we can stick out heads on the sand or we can try and help those that have such feelings manage them and try to understand why they do because by doing so we can have a better understanding and more importantly we can protect more children

unfortunately if you work in MH you are likely to come across working with paedophiles, sadly we do not all get special training or counselling

Lurking, I was in a discussion with Fingles, she explained it quite well.

And answering a question with a question is not a discussion.

I'm not sure that late teenage boys are presented as awkward and immature. They are given cars to drive from 17 onwards, are often a pain in the neck with regard to anti social behaviour and are on the cusp of new found sexuality.

I think it's down to entitlement to sex and that women are seen as sexual objects. Especially better to get a teenage girl that looks 'young enough' but is also sexually naive and not opinionated. I felt true disgust once when a friend of a boyfriend (I was 19 at the time) said women over the age of 25 were spent - he was in his late 20s.

This whole discussion has been staged by a paedophile ring in a blighted attempt to win over the hearts and minds of the mother of the babies and children they wish to abuse. I think it is heartily sickening

I am kind of thinking the same, the OP is a relatively new male poster and I am horrified at the amount of words 'pity', 'feel sorry for' etc that I am hearing. All this justification for the 'poor' person blighted with these feelings, utter hogwash !

I would never knowingly befriend a 'P', I would never allow one anywhere near my children, I would likely vomit in their face if someone admitted to me they had sexual interest in a child.

I just cannot believe the amount of sympathisers on this post for deviants who are potential child abuser. .

I may not have chosen the best adjectives. But "not as sexual objects" is what I meant in terms of how teenage boys are seen. There definitely isn't the same sort of status attached to sleeping with them!

Lurking, we're talking about how men-as-a-class are encouraged to view adolescent girls as fair game. Not about individual men. Let's not get sucked into the NAMALT discussion again.

Biologically, men are attracted to younger women. That is not to say they are never attracted to women their own age or even older, but due to the 'survival of the species' nature dictates they will be attracted to someone their brains tell them is most fertile. They are not conscious of this reason.

Womens brains are programmed to find a strong male who can father children and 'look after' them.
This is all at a base level.
Of course some women will say they never want children or they don't need looking after - but biologically, their brain still has the same primal instinct.

Apparently, we are not as in control as we like to think we are.

ML29 so what would you do with all these deviants

sadly many many have been victims themselves they have been those children we desperately feel sad for

ML29

Just because posters try to understand paedophilia or refuse to get hysterical about it does not mean that they would allow or approve of a paedophile getting access to their child.

You can try to understand the issue without deciding to allow a paedophile to pursuade you to offer up your child FFS!

Yes I think it must be to do with primal instinct, I guess on average a teenage male wouldn't be able to offer the same level of "protection" as a fully grown mature male.

You make excellent points fingle

I've copied an editorial from the Independent regarding a teacher who was not sent to jail because he had a relationship with a 14 year old female pupil.

Now, he knew her age!

www.independent.co.uk/voices/editorials/the-wrong-lesson-a-teenager-cannot-groom-a-44-year-old-teacher-9978767.html

Unless we are living in Minority Report then thoughts are not a crime.

A rapist is a rapist whether he or she rapes men, women or children. It is important to note that the vast majority of child abusers are men and that most research show women mainly in a facilitating role. It's annoying when people refuse to discuss abuse because others use male pronouns.

A paedophile is not necessarily a child abuser but without proper research this is just a theory. I think the focus and money would be better in helping young victims of abuse.

I am a victim of child abuse from a very young age - multiple rapes and sodomies by multiple abusers. I was filmed and photographed. I believe this was about power, humiliation, shame and control and unrelated to sexual attraction. This has led to physical and psychological damage.

We need to get rid of the distortion that child abusers are strangers, the scary men in the corner. They are fathers, grandfathers, teachers, mothers etc. Many commit their first offence when they are children and teenagers often due to abuse in their own backgrounds. This would be when the help would be most effective. In fact it would be more effective if we helped these children before they go onto offend.

We need to recognise that often cycles of abuse go back generations - in my family it goes back three generations on both sides and has only stopped at me.

It is important to recognise that the victims of abuse often find it impossible to access appropriate therapy on the NHS or any form of justice through the court system. Therefore, they quite rightly become angry when the sympathy falls upon the abuser and the help is offered to them.

Personally, I think that a paedophile is just someone who hasn't offended yet or been caught. It is a deviant preference and they will always offend even if it is 'only' through child abuse images. But this is just my hypothesis based on personal experience - no scientific research etc.

Biologically, men are attracted to younger women.

Could you provide a proper scientific, peer reviewed citation for this statement? Or is it just something you personally think?

Also, at what age? How far does this age gap go? Does an early developed 16 year old boy have a biological urge to be attracted to a prepubescent girl?

So sorry for your experience JJXM, I totally agree with your statement below.

Personally, I think that a paedophile is just someone who hasn't offended yet or been caught. It is a deviant preference and they will always offend even if it is 'only' through child abuse images.

Therefore, they quite rightly become angry when the sympathy falls upon the abuser and the help is offered to them

I don't believe the call for help for abusers is based on sympathy? Certainly not in my case.
It is based on wanting to reduce the number of victims. I don't sympathise with paedophiles but I accept they exist and they do what they do for whatever reasons. Anything that stops it is worth it.

My therapist had a client who was a paedophile. He had cut contact with his brother due to having nieces/nephews. He had counselling to cope, as he knew it was so wrong!

Pidapie that's very strange and totally unprofessional your therapist shared such detailed information with you

but some do seek help are therapists supposed to turn them away if they feel they do not have the experience to deal with them or for them it is too difficult (knowing boundaries is very important) then they should be given advice on where to get help sadly there is not much around

Could you provide a proper scientific, peer reviewed citation for this statement? Or is it just something you personally think?
Also, at what age? How far does this age gap go? Does an early developed 16 year old boy have a biological urge to be attracted to a prepubescent girl

No - it is not something I personally think. There have been many studies by evolutionary biologists and scientists. You can find them if you look and it has been widely reported.

It was nothing to do with paedophiles - but responding to posts about men being attracted to younger women and women being attracted to older men.
Young adolescent men are more inclined to find older women attractive.

The subject was about people over the age of consent.