Very noisy children upstairs (boys ages about 7-9 yr old) need advice please!

[cassidyz]

My boyfriend and I live underneath a family of four with two boys, ages 7-9. Due to the construction of the split level flat, it is noisy whenever they are in but sometimes the noise reaches unbearable levels and communication has broken down between myself and the mother. I wanted some advice from parents to understand where I stand on this issue.

The problems start in the weekday mornings when the boys wake up at 7am and play loudly (banging, running, shouting) until they run down the stairs for school at 8am. They return at around 3.30pm and recently they have been coming home alone and play very loudly into the evening. The weekends are the same, sometimes with extra children. I work late nights as a waitress so if I get to bed at 3am and am woken up at 7am, the following day is ruined for me by tiredness.

To clarify, my definition of loud noise is the kind that shakes the walls and picture frames and can be felt physically when, for example, I am sitting reading.

I used to text the mother to let her know when it was getting too much and she used to apologise and I would hear her telling them to be quiet. Recently, however, she has turned defensive and refuses to consider our polite requests and asks me to stop 'harassing' her. I feel as though my boyfriend and I are too forgiving and should not allow her children to rule our lives.

Could someone offer some advice on this? The next step for me would be to pursue it with her lettings agent (they are tenants). I have lived underneath different people for the last 5 years and never once had issues as bad as this and my friends are shocked at the noise when they visit.

Apologies if I got it wrong about being required to bring flats up to building regs - we were actually advised that this wasn't the case by env housing team, but they were a but shit generally so maybe no surprise there!

Hang on. Are you saying you texted her at 3 am?

If so, I think I see why relations broke down.

You really need to stop texting her. I would feel very harassed if that were me. Either speak directly or address it through the agency. She's probably at the end of her tether with it too.

Dp lives in an apartment block and we've never heard a peep from surrounding flats. The insulation is fab. That's how it should be. I think you'll have noise issues whoever lives above you and for that reason, I'd probably move.

You really need to stop texting her. I would feel very harassed if that were me. Either speak directly or address it through the agency. She's probably at the end of her tether with it too.

Dp lives in an apartment block and we've never heard a peep from surrounding flats. The insulation is fab. That's how it should be. I think you'll have noise issues whoever lives above you and for that reason, I'd probably move.

Stupid iPad

Libraries, I texted her the next day.

Woah, 3am? If you heard anything from children that age at that time it would have been walking to the toilet, they can't not do that.

The noise insulation is obviously very poor. 7am is not the early hours of the morning. It's a reasonable time for daytime noise.

I'm afraid the issue is entirely yours. You are leading a life where you work unsociable hours. Therefore you need to live somewhere which allows you to sleep when you need to undisturbed. This flat is not that place. I think you have to accept that. Clearly even when she was trying it still disturbed you and it's not reasonable to ask them to stop doing normal day to day activities within normal waking hours because you keep different hours.

We lived above a couple of guys for a while.

Nightmare. I had three children under five. V difficult to keep them quiet. These guys complained constantly and it was incredibly stressful. One would go out on nightshift and leave a radio going all night full blast as some sort of revenge.
We moved in the end.

i know this is not helpful advise op but i also learnt the hard way, you NEVER accept flat conversions with children living above, even single people are a nightmare. Houses that are converted are cheaply done and whoever is doing it wants it as cheap as possible so no sound proofing, just wood and air!
The mother is probably inconsiderate as a child of 7-9 is old enough to know better not to jump about but it also is an issue with the sound proof.

I had a year of living above a child of 9 and a horrible inconsiderate mother who didnt give a shit, her child would play with a scooter and skates in the flat, the fact she didnt even care about her carpet i knew she wouldnt give a shit about others living around her.

Ok.

I would be very surprised if her kids were making loads of noise at 3 am. Either it was something else (pipes banging maybe?) Or you have very poor sound insulation.

The worst possible noise my 6 year old would make at 3 is padding in to see me after a bad dream.

op just to add you need to stop complaining because it is harassment and you can end up being nicked. Stop texting her you are pissing her off and harassing her isnt going to make her be quiet in fact it will make her want to purpose annoy you!

contact your council and find out when the house was converted, ask for the plans and see if sound proofing was included in the works.
Contact the building regulations
phone the council and do all this and complain to them as well get noise recorders in your flat but STOP contacting her

Honestly, I hate noisy neighbour stuff, and I lived under some annoying students years back that I complained about a lot, but it is very tricky with converted houses.

In hindsight, the students I used to complain about weren't even v loud and they clearly thought I was an unreasonable cow. I used to bang on the ceiling when they played guitar... :-/

It is harder with children! They wake up early, there's nothing you can do about that. They don't easily understand the importance of quiet. Sure you can try and you can repeat yourself but if they want to squeal... they'll squeal. My five and one-year-old are always awake before 8 and I usually stick the tv on (quietly) in the mornings as I'm so knackered myself, but you can only do so much. I don't think I would have appreciated constant texts about noise.

Unfortunately you are the one with the tricky job. They might move anyway if they find you frustrating but if they don't, you need to get used to it or learn to cope, or consider moving yourself. Sorry!

The more I read of this, the more I think you're being unreasonable, OP. You're coming across as being pretty naive and self centred. You live in a flat. Older flats will not be well insulated. Everyday noise, which to be honest, it sounds like this is, is to be expected. I actually feel sorry for your neighbour. It's interesting that it sounds like your BF didn't have problems with noise from above until you moved in...

Ok, thanks everyone.

Just to reiterate, I am referring to loud noise that shakes the walls and picture frames caused by playfighting or jumping. This doesn't happen every day which leads me to believe that it is not daily noise, but preventable at least to certain times of day. If it is still unreasonable to think that such activities should be avoided above our bedroom at certain times, then that's why I'm here to listen to those of you with experience.

My boyfriend also had issues with the noise before I lived here, Namechangenell. He used to knock on the door and it wouldn't be answered. Once, the father did come down with two friends apparently to intimidate my boyfriend but I won't go into this as I wasn't there and don't know the facts.

There are many events in the past that have contributed to relationship breakdown, so I'd prefer to concentrate on how to move forward and where I stand with my expectations.

Children, especially boys, do tend to playfight though, no matter how often you tell them to stop. That is pretty normal. It's also normal to do things like play with toys on the floor, run around playing hide and seek,and so on.
TBH, the upstairs flat doesn't sound suitable for a family as it stands. That is down to the letting agent though. It's a shame that flats can't be graded for use, so that you know what you're getting.
In my old flat where I had a lot of trouble I used to get a lot of noise from the flat above (light shades rattling, etc), which I never complained about, and complaints from the woman below. We had thick.carpets and underlay, used to tip toe around and be afraid to put my baby down. No matter what I did noise still used to travel. That was a 30's mansion block, so purpose built.

Just to add, I briefly consulted a firm about soundproofing. They explained that noise is due to the construction of the flats. People think that laying a carpet with underlay will stop all noise but that often isn't the case. Sound often travels down the walls or through nails. He did mention that a floating floor can be good.
My first flat that I lived in seemed to be completely soundproof, and that was a conversion in a well built, solid older house.

op, i really feel for you. I am also on the other side of this as i live in an upstairs conversion with a very noisy 3yr old. However, I do everything that I can to keep noise down. In the morning (he is an early riser) we have a marathon of stories followed by colouring, play doh or cuddlea and a film to watch. We whisper (he knows to use his "small voice") until at least 8.30 on a weekend and 7.30 on a weekday. He is in bed by 7.30 so late night noise is not an issue for us. Our downstairs neighbour suffers terribly with the noise ds and we make and of course most of it is down to bad insulation. She has been in tears with us about it and we have tried really hard to make things better. For example she said every sunday night without fail there was an hour of really loud banging as she was watching her sunday churxh programme.

I thought she was insane we couldnt think what it was and asked her to knock when she next heard it. It turns out that this is when my da does his ironing and the loud banging was our uneven ironing board. Such a small thing and we could easily correct it once we knew what it was!

She also claims tht we are moving furniture around about 5.30, and obviously we do not do that. It is when we get up with ds. By tightening the screws in our bed the creaking has improved. We have also fixed any loose floorboards.

Can any of those things help?

I'm one of the ones constantly upsetting my neighbour below who works nights so sleeps during the day. Problem is I can't move, I have a 3 year old I keep as low volume as I can but short of gagging and tying him up its not possible to control all the time, he'll drop a toy etc or run up the hallway if the door goes or get a little overexcited about a cartoon. I keep him outside as much as I can and even guests are asked to remove shoes but what more can I do?

Before we moved in she had an elderly disabled lady above so therefore the noise has obviously trebled anyway as the lady was moving very slowly if she moved at all...

LND - I think that's a good illustration of how bad insulation can make tiny noises unbearable. I doubt that the OP's neighbours are thumping and bumping as much as she thinks, but if an ironing board can make an unbearable noise and getting up and walking can sound like moving furniture....

The only consolation is that the boys are probably at the worst age for noise and relatively soon should be glued to their games and noiseless.

Do they have hard flooring - these veneer wood floors are a nightmare for noise, try any modern cafe or restaurant? deafening sometimes. If they do could you offer to share the cost of carpetting with them or landlord? Perhaps they could put some padding on doors which bang if that happens alot. Perhaps you could move bedroom for a year or two that would be a good solution, sleep in what was the living room. If it's disturbing your sleep anything is worth a try.

Moving house with DCs is not anything anyone will do lightly. Think of schools, nearness to work etc and the cost!

You need to move but don't see who would buy if the noise is that bad.

Heck lndnmummy, that sounds really tough and stressful for all concerned.

We had to stop staying at mil's due to a similar situation. I was on edge the whole time.

I'm really sorry for all of you that are on either end of this tbh.